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and does not pay。 I have a hold on him。 He had better not show me any
offensive airs！' You must bow to your creditors； and moreover bow
politely。 'When are you going to pay me？' say they。 And you must lie；
and beg money of another man； and cringe to a fool seated on his
strong…box； and receive sour looks in return from these horse…leeches；
a blow would be less hateful； you must put up with their crass
ignorance and calculating morality。 A debt is a feat of the
imaginative that they cannot appreciate。 A borrower is often carried
away and over…mastered by generous impulses； nothing great； nothing
magnanimous can move or dominate those who live for money； and
recognize nothing but money。 I myself held money in abhorrence。
〃Or a bill may undergo a final transformation into some meritorious
old man with a family dependent upon him。 My creditor might be a
living picture for Greuze； a paralytic with his children round him； a
soldier's widow； holding out beseeching hands to me。 Terrible
creditors are these with whom we are forced to sympathize； and when
their claims are satisfied we owe them a further debt of assistance。
〃The night before the bills fell due； I lay down with the false calm
of those who sleep before their approaching execution； or with a duel
in prospect； rocked as they are by delusive hopes。 But when I woke；
when I was cool and collected； when I found myself imprisoned in a
banker's portfolio； and floundering in statements covered with red ink
then my debts sprang up everywhere； like grasshoppers； before my
eyes。 There were my debts； my clock； my armchairs； my debts were
inlaid in the very furniture which I liked best to use。 These gentle
inanimate slaves were to fall prey to the harpies of the Chatelet；
were to be carried off by the broker's men； and brutally thrown on the
market。 Ah； my property was a part of myself！
〃The sound of the door…bell rang through my heart； while it seemed to
strike at me； where kings should be struck atin the head。 Mine was a
martyrdom； without heaven for its reward。 For a magnanimous nature；
debt is a hell； and a hell； moreover； with sheriff's officers and
brokers in it。 An undischarged debt is something mean and sordid； it
is a beginning of knavery； it is something worse； it is a lie； it
prepares the way for crime； and brings together the planks for the
scaffold。 My bills were protested。 Three days afterwards I met them；
and this is how it happened。
〃A speculator came； offering to buy the island in the Loire belonging
to me； where my mother lay buried。 I closed with him。 When I went to
his solicitor to sign the deeds； I felt a cavern…like chill in the
dark office that made me shudder； it was the same cold dampness that
had laid hold upon me at the brink of my father's grave。 I looked upon
this as an evil omen。 I seemed to see the shade of my mother； and to
hear her voice。 What power was it that made my own name ring vaguely
in my ears； in spite of the clamor of bells？
〃The money paid down for my island； when all my debts were discharged；
left me in possession of two thousand francs。 I could now have
returned to the scholar's tranquil life； it is true； I could have gone
back to my garret after having gained an experience of life； with my
head filled with the results of extensive observation； and with a
certain sort of reputation attaching to me。 But Foedora's hold upon
her victim was not relaxed。 We often met。 I compelled her admirers to
sound my name in her ears； by dint of astonishing them with my
cleverness and success； with my horses and equipages。 It all found her
impassive and uninterested； so did an ugly phrase of Rastignac's； 'He
is killing himself for you。'
〃I charged the world at large with my revenge； but I was not happy。
While I was fathoming the miry depths of life； I only recognized the
more keenly at all times the happiness of reciprocal affection； it was
a shadow that I followed through all that befell me in my
extravagance； and in my wildest moments。 It was my misfortune to be
deceived in my fairest beliefs； to be punished by ingratitude for
benefiting others； and to receive uncounted pleasures as the reward of
my errorsa sinister doctrine； but a true one for the prodigal！
〃The contagious leprosy of Foedora's vanity had taken hold of me at
last。 I probed my soul； and found it cankered and rotten。 I bore the
marks of the devil's claw upon my forehead。 It was impossible to me
thenceforward to do without the incessant agitation of a life fraught
with danger at every moment； or to dispense with the execrable
refinements of luxury。 If I had possessed millions； I should still
have gambled； reveled； and racketed about。 I wished never to be alone
with myself； and I must have false friends and courtesans； wine and
good cheer to distract me。 The ties that attach a man to family life
had been permanently broken for me。 I had become a galley…slave of
pleasure； and must accomplish my destiny of suicide。 During the last
days of my prosperity； I spent every night in the most incredible
excesses； but every morning death cast me back upon life again。 I
would have taken a conflagration with as little concern as any man
with a life annuity。 However； I at last found myself alone with a
twenty…franc piece； I bethought me then of Rastignac's luck
〃Eh； eh！〃 Raphael exclaimed； interrupting himself； as he
remembered the talisman and drew it from his pocket。 Perhaps he was
wearied by the long day's strain； and had no more strength left
wherewith to pilot his head through the seas of wine and punch； or
perhaps； exasperated by this symbol of his own existence； the torrent
of his own eloquence gradually overwhelmed him。 Raphael became excited
and elated and like one completely deprived of reason。
〃The devil take death！〃 he shouted； brandishing the skin； 〃I mean to
live！ I am rich； I have every virtue； nothing will withstand me。 Who
would not be generous； when everything is in his power？ Aha！ Aha！ I
wished for two hundred thousand livres a year； and I shall have them。
Bow down before me； all of you； wallowing on the carpets like swine in
the mire！ You all belong to mea precious property truly！ I am rich；
I could buy you all； even the deputy snoring over there。 Scum of
society； give me your benediction！ I am the Pope。〃
Raphael's vociferations had been hitherto drowned by a thorough…bass
of snores； but now they became suddenly audible。 Most of the sleepers
started up with a cry； saw the cause of the disturbance on his feet；
tottering uncertainly； and cursed him in concert for a drunken
brawler。
〃Silence！〃 shouted Raphael。 〃Back to your kennels； you dogs！ Emile； I
have riches； I will give you Havana cigars！〃
〃I am listening；〃 the poet replied。 〃Death or Foedora！ On with you！
That silky Foedora deceived you。 Women are all daughters of Eve。 There
is nothing dramatic about that rigmarole of yours。〃
〃Ah； but you were sleeping； slyboots。〃
〃No'Death or Foedora！'I have it！〃
〃Wake up！〃 Raphael shouted； beating Emile with the piece of shagreen
as if he meant to draw electric fluid out of it。
〃TONNERRE！〃 said Emile； springing up and flinging his arms round
Raphael； 〃my friend； remember the sort of women you are with。〃
〃I am a millionaire！〃
〃If you are not a millionaire； you are most certainly drunk。〃
〃Drunk with power。 I can kill you！Silence！ I am Nero！ I am
Nebuchadnezzar！〃
〃But； Raphael； we are in queer company； and you ought to keep quiet
for the sake of your own dignity。〃
〃My life has been silent too long。 I mean to have my revenge now on
the world at large。 I will not amuse myself by squandering paltry
five…franc pieces； I will reproduce and sum up my epoch by absorbing
human lives； human minds； and human souls。 There are the treasures of
pestilencethat is no paltry kind of wealth； is it？ I will wrestle
with feversyellow； blue； or greenwith whole armies； with gibbets。
I can possess FoedoraYet no； I do not want Foedora； she is a
disease； I am dying of Foedora。 I want to forget Foedora。〃
〃If you keep on calling out like this； I shall take you into the
dining…room。〃
〃Do you see this skin？ It is Solomon's will。 Solomon belongs to mea
little varlet of a king！ Arabia is mine； Arabia Petraea to boot； and
the universe； and you too； if I choose。 If I choose Ah！ be careful。
I can buy up all our journalist's shop； you shall be my valet。 You
shall be my valet； you shall manage my newspaper。 Valet！ VALET； that
is to say； free from aches and pains； because he has no brains。〃
At the word； Emile carried Raphael off into the dining…room。
〃All right；〃 he remarked； 〃yes； my friend； I am your valet。 But you
are about to be editor…in…chief of a newspaper； so be quiet； and
behave properly； for my sake。 Have you no regard for me？〃
〃Regard for you！ You shall have Havana cigars； with this bit of
shagreen： always with this skin； this su