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a new england girlhood-第25章

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tter than I understood myself; and it was a comfort to be assured that my scribbling was not wholly a waste of time。 So I used pencil and paper in every spare minute I could find。Our little home…journal went bravely on through twelve numbers。  Its yellow manuscript pages occasionally meet my eyes when I am rummaging among my old papers; with the half…conscious look of a waif that knows it has no right to its escape from the waters of oblivion。

While it was in progress my sister Emilie became acquainted with a family of bright girls; near neighbors of ours; who proposed that we should join with them; and form a little society for writing and discussion; to meet fortnightly at their house。 We met;I think I was the youngest of the group;prepared a Constitution and By…Laws; and named ourselves 〃The Improvement Circle。〃 If I remember rightly; my sister was our first president。 The older ones talked and wrote on many subjects quite above me。 I was shrinkingly bashful; as half…grown girls usually are; but I wrote my little essays and read them; and listened to the rest; and enjoyed it all exceedingly。 Out of this little 〃Improvement Circle〃 grew the larger one whence issued the 〃Lowell Offering;〃 a year or two later。

At this time I had learned to do a spinner's work; and I obtained permission to tend some frames that stood directly in front of the river…windows; with only them and the wall behind me; extending half the length of the mill;and one young woman beside me; at the farther end of the row。 She was a sober; mature person; who scarcely thought it worth her while to speak often to a child like me; and I was; when with strangers; rather a reserved girl; so I kept myself occupied with the river; my work; and my thoughts。 And the river and my thoughts flowed on together; the happiest of companions。 Like a loitering pilgrim; it sparkled up to me in recognition as it glided along and bore away my little frets and fatigues on its bosom。 When the work 〃went well;〃 I sat in the window…seat; and let my fancies fly whither they would;downward to the sea; or upward to the hills that hid the mountain…cradle of the Merrimack。

The printed regulations forbade us to bring books into the mill; so I made my window…seat into a small library of poetry; pasting its side all over with newspaper clippings。 In those days we had only weekly papers; and they had always a 〃poet's corner;〃 where standard writers were well represented; with anonymous ones; also。 I was not; of course; much of a critic。 I chose my verses for their sentiment; and because I wanted to commit them to memory; sometimes it was a long poem; sometimes a hymn; sometimes only a stray verse。  Mrs。 Hemans sang with me;

〃Far away; o'er the blue hills far away;〃

and I learned and loved her 〃Better Land;〃 and

〃If thou hast crushed a flower;〃

and 〃Kindred Hearts。〃

I wonder if Miss Landon really did write that fine poem to Mont Blanc which was printed in her volume; but which sounds so entirely unlike everything else she wrote! This was one of my window…gems。 It ended with the appeal;

〃Alas for thy past mystery! For thine untrodden snow! Nurse of the tempest! hast thou none To guard thine outraged brow?〃 and it contained a stanza that I often now repeat to myself:

〃We know too much: scroll after scroll Weighs down our weary shelves: Our only point of ignorance Is centred in ourselves。〃

There was one anonymous waif in my collection that I was very fond of。 I have never seen it since; nor ever had the least clue to its authorship。 It stirred me and haunted me; and it often comes back to me now; in snatches like these:

〃The human mind! That lofty thing; The palace and the throne Where Reason sits; a sceptred king; And breathes his judgment…tone!〃

〃The human soul! That startling thing; Mysterious and sublime; An angel sleeping on the wing; Worn by the scoffs of time。 》From heaven in tears to earth it stole… That startling thing; the human soul。〃

I was just beginning; in my questionings as to the meaning of life; to get glimpses of its true definition from the poets; that it is love; service; the sacrifice of self for others' good。 The lesson was slowly learned; but every hint of it went to my heart; and I kept in silent upon my window wall reminders like that of holy George Herbert:〃

〃Be useful where thou livest; that they may Both want and wish thy pleasing presence still。 …Find out men' s wants and will; And meet them there。 All worldly joys go less To the one joy of doing kindnesses;〃

and that well…known passage from Talfourd;

〃The blessings which the weak and poor can scatter; Have their own season。 It is a little thing to speak a phase Of common comfort; which; by daily use; Has almost lost its sense; yet on the ear Of him who thought to die unmourned 't will fall Like choicest music。〃

A very familiar extract from Carlos Wilcox; almost the only quotation made nowadays from his poems; was often on my sister Emilie's lips; whose heart seemed always to be saying to itself:… …

〃Pour blessings round thee like a shower of gold!〃

I had that beside me; too; and I copy part of it here; for her sake; and because it will be good for my girl readers to keep in mind one of the noblest utterances of an almost forgotten American poet:

〃Rouse to some work of high and holy love; And thou an angel's happiness shalt know; Shalt bless the earth while in the world above。 The good begun by thee shall onward flow。 The pure; sweet stream shall deeper; wider grow。 The seed that in these few and fleeting hours Thy hands; unsparing and unwearied sow; Shall deck thy grave with amaranthine flowers; And yield thee fruits divine in heaven's immortal bowers。〃

One great advantage which came to these many stranger girls through being brought together; away from their own homes; was that it taught them to go out of themselves; and enter into the lives of others。 Home…life; when one always stays at home; is necessarily narrowing。  That is one reason why so many women are petty and unthoughtful of any except their own family's interests。 We have hardly begun to live until we can take in the idea of the whole human family as the one to which we truly belong。  To me; it was an incalculable help to find myself among so many working…girls; all of us thrown upon our own resources; but thrown much more upon each others' sympathies。

And the stream beside which we toiled added to its own inspirations human suggestions drawn from our acquaintance with each other。 It blended itself with the flow of our lives。 Almost the first of my poemlets in the 〃Lowell Offering〃 was entitled 〃The River。〃 These are some lines of it:

〃Gently flowed a river bright On its path of liquid light; Gleaming now soft banks between; Winding now through valleys green; Cheering with its presence mild Cultured fields and woodlands wild。

〃Is not such a pure one's life? Ever shunning pride and strife; Noiselessly along she goes; Known by gentle deeds she does; Often wandering far; to bless; And do others kindnesses。

〃Thus; by her own virtues shaded; While pure thoughts; like starbeams; lie Mirrored in her heart and eye; She; content to be unknown; All serenely moveth on; Till; released from Time's commotion; Self is lost in Love's wide ocean。〃

There was many a young girl near me whose life was like the beautiful course of the river in my ideal of her。 The Merrimack has blent its music with the onward song of many a lovely soul that; clad in plain working…clothes; moved heavenward beside its waters。

One of the loveliest persons I ever knew was a young girl who worked opposite to me in the spinning…room。 Our eyes made us friends long before we spoke to each other。 She was an orphan; well…bred and well…educated; about twenty years old; and she had brought with her to her place of toil the orphan child of her sister; left to her as a death…bed legacy。 They boarded with a relative。 The factory boarding…houses were often managed by families of genuine refinement; as in this case; and the one comfort of Caroline's life was her beautiful little niece; to whom she could go home when the day's work was over。

Her bereavements had given an appealing sadness to her whole expression; but she had accepted them and her changed circumstances with the submission of profound faith which everybody about her felt in everything she said and did。 I think I first knew; through her; how character can teach; without words。 To see her and her little niece together was almost like looking at a picture of the Madonna。 Caroline afterwards became an inmate of my mother's family; and we were warm friends until her death a few years ago。

Some of the girls could not believe that the Bible was meant to be counted among forbidden books。 We all thought that the Scriptures had a right to go wherever we went; and that if we needed them anywhere; it was at our work。 I evaded the law by carrying some leaves from a torn Testament in my pocket。

The overseer; caring more for law than gospel; confiscated all he found。 He had his desk full of Bibles。 It sounded oddly to hear him say to the most religious girl in the room; when he took hers away; 〃I did think you had more conscience than to bring that book here。〃 But we had some clo
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