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counsels ringing in my ears； and I smoked my favourite pipethe
formidable bulldog of adolescenceand thought of that door in the
long white wall。 'If I had stopped；' I thought； 'I should have
missed my scholarship； I should have missed Oxfordmuddled all the
fine career before me！ I begin to see things better！' I fell
musing deeply； but I did not doubt then this career of mine was a
thing that merited sacrifice。
〃Those dear friends and that clear atmosphere seemed very
sweet to me； very fine； but remote。 My grip was fixing now upon
the world。 I saw another door openingthe door of my career。〃
He stared again into the fire。 Its red lights picked out a
stubborn strength in his face for just one flickering moment； and
then it vanished again。
〃Well〃； he said and sighed； 〃I have served that career。 I
have donemuch work； much hard work。 But I have dreamt of the
enchanted garden a thousand dreams； and seen its door； or at least
glimpsed its door； four times since then。 Yesfour times。 For a
while this world was so bright and interesting； seemed so full of
meaning and opportunity that the half…effaced charm of the garden
was by comparison gentle and remote。 Who wants to pat panthers on
the way to dinner with pretty women and distinguished men？ I came
down to London from Oxford； a man of bold promise that I have done
something to redeem。 Somethingand yet there have been
disappointments 。 。 。 。 。
〃Twice I have been in loveI will not dwell on thatbut
once； as I went to someone who； I know； doubted whether I dared to
come； I took a short cut at a venture through an unfrequented road
near Earl's Court； and so happened on a white wall and a familiar
green door。 'Odd！' said I to myself； 'but I thought this place was
on Campden Hill。 It's the place I never could find somehowlike
counting Stonehengethe place of that queer day dream of mine。'
And I went by it intent upon my purpose。 It had no appeal to me
that afternoon。
〃I had just a moment's impulse to try the door； three steps
aside were needed at the mostthough I was sure enough in my heart
that it would open to meand then I thought that doing so might
delay me on the way to that appointment in which I thought my
honour was involved。 Afterwards I was sorry for my punctualityI
might at least have peeped in I thought； and waved a hand to those
panthers； but I knew enough by this time not to seek again
belatedly that which is not found by seeking。 Yes； that time made
me very sorry 。 。 。 。 。
〃Years of hard work after that and never a sight of the door。
It's only recently it has come back to me。 With it there has come
a sense as though some thin tarnish had spread itself over my
world。 I began to think of it as a sorrowful and bitter thing that
I should never see that door again。 Perhaps I was suffering a
little from overworkperhaps it was what I've heard spoken of as
the feeling of forty。 I don't know。 But certainly the keen
brightness that makes effort easy has gone out of things recently；
and that just at a time with all these new political developments
when I ought to be working。 Odd； isn't it？ But I do begin to
find life toilsome； its rewards； as I come near them； cheap。 I
began a little while ago to want the garden quite badly。 Yesand
I've seen it three times。〃
〃The garden？〃
〃Nothe door！ And I haven't gone in！〃
He leaned over the table to me； with an enormous sorrow in his
voice as he spoke。 〃Thrice I have had my chanceTHRICE！
If ever that door offers itself to me again； I swore； I will go in
out of this dust and heat； out of this dry glitter of vanity； out
of these toilsome futilities。 I will go and never return。 This
time I will stay 。 。 。 。 。 I swore it and when the time came
I DIDN'T GO。
〃Three times in one year have I passed that door and failed to
enter。 Three times in the last year。
〃The first time was on the night of the snatch division on the
Tenants' Redemption Bill； on which the Government was saved by a
majority of three。 You remember？ No one on our sideperhaps very
few on the opposite sideexpected the end that night。 Then the
debate collapsed like eggshells。 I and Hotchkiss were dining with
his cousin at Brentford； we were both unpaired； and we were called
up by telephone； and set off at once in his cousin's motor。 We got
in barely in time； and on the way we passed my wall and doorlivid
in the moonlight； blotched with hot yellow as the glare of our
lamps lit it； but unmistakable。 'My God！' cried I。 'What？'said
Hotchkiss。 'Nothing！' I answered； and the moment passed。
〃'I've made a great sacrifice；' I told the whip as I got in。
'They all have；' he said； and hurried by。
〃I do not see how I could have done otherwise then。 And the
next occasion was as I rushed to my father's bedside to bid that
stern old man farewell。 Then； too； the claims of life were
imperative。 But the third time was different； it happened a week
ago。 It fills me with hot remorse to recall it。 I was with Gurker
and Ralphsit's no secret now you know that I've had my talk with
Gurker。 We had been dining at Frobisher's； and the talk had become
intimate between us。 The question of my place in the reconstructed
ministry lay always just over the boundary of the discussion。 Yes
yes。 That's all settled。 It needn't be talked about yet； but
there's no reason to keep a secret from you 。 。 。 。 。 Yesthanks！
thanks！ But let me tell you my story。
〃Then； on that night things were very much in the air。 My
position was a very delicate one。 I was keenly anxious to get some
definite word from Gurker； but was hampered by Ralphs' presence。
I was using the best power of my brain to keep that light and
careless talk not too obviously directed to the point that concerns
me。 I had to。 Ralphs' behaviour since has more than justified my
caution 。 。 。 。 。 Ralphs； I knew； would leave us beyond the
Kensington High Street； and then I could surprise Gurker by a
sudden frankness。 One has sometimes to resort to these little
devices。 。 。 。 。 And then it was that in the margin of my field of
vision I became aware once more of the white wall； the green door
before us down the road。
〃We passed it talking。 I passed it。 I can still see the
shadow of Gurker's marked profile； his opera hat tilted forward
over his prominent nose； the many folds of his neck wrap going
before my shadow and Ralphs' as we sauntered past。
〃I passed within twenty inches of the door。 'If I say
good…night to them； and go in；' I asked myself； 'what will happen？'
And I was all a…tingle for that word with Gurker。
〃I could not answer that question in the tangle of my other
problems。 'They will think me mad；' I thought。 'And suppose I
vanish now！Amazing disappearance of a prominent politician！' That
weighed with me。 A thousand inconceivably petty worldlinesses
weighed with me in that crisis。〃
Then he turned on me with a sorrowful smile； and； speaking
slowly； 〃Here I am！〃 he said。
〃Here I am！〃 he repeated； 〃and my chance has gone from me。
Three times in one year the door has been offered methe door that
goes into peace； into delight； into a beauty beyond dreaming； a
kindness no man on earth can know。 And I have rejected it；
Redmond； and it has gone〃
〃How do you know？〃
〃I know。 I know。 I am left now to work it out； to stick to
the tasks that held me so strongly when my moments came。 You say；
I have successthis vulgar； tawdry； irksome； envied thing。 I have
it。〃 He had a walnut in his big hand。 〃If that was my success；〃
he said； and crushed it； and held it out for me to see。
〃Let me tell you something； Redmond。 This loss is destroying
me。 For two months； for ten weeks nearly now； I have done no work
at all； except the most necessary and urgent duties。 My soul is
full of inappeasable regrets。 At nightswhen it is less likely I
shall be recognisedI go out。 I wander。 Yes。 I wonder what
people would think of that if they knew。 A Cabinet Minister； the
responsible head of that most vital of all departments； wandering
alonegrievingsometimes near audibly lamentingfor a door； for
a garden！〃
IV
I can see now his rather pallid face； and the unfamiliar
sombre fire that had come into his eyes。 I see him very vividly
to…night。 I sit recalling his words； his tones； and last evening's
Westminster Gazette still lies on my sofa； containing the
notice of his death。 At lunch to…day the club was busy with him
and the strange riddle of his fate。
They found his body very early yesterday morning in a deep
excavation near East Kensington Station。 It is one of two shafts
that have been made in connection with an extension of the railway
southward。 It is protected from the intrusion of the public by a
hoarding upon the high road； in which a small doorway has been cut
for the convenience of some of t