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lessons she had received from old Moeroe； she was received； and
appeared on the stage in the part of Dirce。
She met with but indifferent success； for she was inexperienced； and
the admiration of the spectators had not been aroused by hearing her
praises sung。 But after she had played small parts for a few months；
the power of her beauty burst forth with such effect that all the city
was moved。 All Antioch crowded to the theatre。 The imperial
magistrates and the chief citizens were compelled； by the force of
public opinion； to show themselves there。 The porters； sweepers； and
dock labourers went without bread and garlic； that they might pay for
their places。 Poets composed epigrams in her honour。 Bearded
philosophers inveighed against her in the baths and gymnasia； when her
litter passed； Christian priests turned away their heads。 The
threshold of her door was wreathed with flowers； and sprinkled with
blood。 She received so much money from her lovers that it was no
longer counted； but measured by the medimnus； and all the treasure
hoarded by miserly old men was poured out at her feet。 But she was
placid and unmoved。 She rejoiced； with quiet pride； in the admiration
of the public and the favour of the gods； and was so much loved that
she loved herself。
After she had several years enjoyed the admiration and affection of
the Antiochians； she was taken with a desire to revisit Alexandria；
and show her glory in that city in which； as a child； she had wandered
in want and shame； hungry and lean as a grasshopper in the middle of a
dusty road。 The golden city joyfully welcomed her； and loaded her with
fresh riches； when she appeared in the games it was a triumph。
Countless admirers and lovers came to her。 She received them with
indifference； for she at last despaired of meeting another Lollius。
Amongst many others； she met the philosopher Nicias； who desired to
possess her； although he professed to have no desires。 In spite of his
riches； he was intelligent and modest。 But his delicate wit and
beautiful sentiments failed to charm her。 She did not love him and
sometimes his refined irony even irritated her。 His perpetual doubts
hurt her； for he believed in nothing； and she believed in everything。
She believed in divine providence； in the omnipotence of evil spirits；
in spells； exorcisms； and eternal justice； she believed in Jesus
Christ； and in the goddess of good of the Syrians； she believed also
that bitches barked when black Hecate passed through the streets； and
that a woman could inspire love by pouring a philtre into a cup
wrapped in the bleeding skin of a sheep。 She thirsted for the unknown；
she called on nameless gods； and lived in perpetual expectation。 The
future frightened her； and yet she wished to know it。 She surrounded
herself with priests of Isis； Chaldean magi； pharmacopolists； and
professors of the black arts； who invariably deceived her； though she
never tired of being deceived。 She feared death； and she saw it
everywhere。 When she yielded to pleasure； it seemed to her that an icy
finger would suddenly touch her on the bare shoulder； and she turned
pale； and cried with terror； in the arms which embraced her。
Nicias said to her
〃What does it matter； O my Thais； whether we descend to eternal night
with white locks and hollow cheeks； or； whether this very day； now
laughing to the vast sky； shall be our last？ Let us enjoy life； we
shall have greatly lived if we have greatly loved。 There is no
knowledge except that of the senses； to love is to understand。 That
which we do not know does not exist。 What good is it to worry
ourselves about nothing？〃
She replied angrily
〃I despise men like you； who hope for nothing and fear nothing。 I wish
to know！ I wish to know！〃
In order to understand the secret of life； she set to work to read the
books of the philosophers； but she did not understand them。 The
further the years of her childhood receded from her； the more anxious
she was to recall them。 She loved to traverse at night； in disguise；
the alleys； squares； and places where she had grown up so miserably。
She was sorry she had lost her parents； and especially that she had
not been able to love them。 When she met any Christian priest； she
thought of her baptism； and felt troubled。 One night； when enveloped
in a long cloak； and her fair hair hidden under a black hood； she was
wandering； according to custom； about the suburbs of the city； she
found herselfwithout knowing how she came therebefore the poor
little church of St。 John the Baptist。 They were singing inside the
church； and a bright light glimmered through the chinks of the door。
There was nothing strange in that； as； for the past twenty years； the
Christians； protected by the conqueror of Maxentius； had publicly
solemnised their festivals。 But these hymns seemed more like an ardent
appeal to the soul。 As if she had been invited to the mysteries； she
pushed the door open with her arm； and entered the building。 She found
a numerous assembly of women； children； and old men； on their knees
before a tomb； which stood against the wall。 The tomb was nothing but
a stone coffer； roughly sculptured with vine tendrils and bunches of
grapes； yet it had received great honours； and was covered with green
palms and wreaths of red roses。 All round； innumerable lights gleamed
out of the heavy shadow； in which the smoke of Arabian gums seemed
like the folds of angels' robes； and the paintings on the walls
visions of Paradise。 Priests； clad in white； were prostrate at the
foot of the sarcophagus。 The hymns they sang with the people expressed
the delight of suffering； and mingled； in a triumphal mourning； so
much joy with so much grief； that Thais； in listening to them； felt
the pleasures of life and the terrors of death flowing； at the same
time； through her re…awakened senses。
When they had finished singing； the believers rose； and walked in
single file to the tomb； the side of which they kissed。 They were
common men； accustomed to work with their hands。 They advanced with a
heavy step； the eyes fixed； the jaw dropped； but they had an air of
sincerity。 They knelt down； each in turn； before the sarcophagus； and
put their lips to it。 The women lifted their little children in their
arms； and gently placed their cheek to the stone。
Thais； surprised and troubled； asked a deacon why they did so。
〃Do you not know； woman；〃 replied the deacon； 〃that we celebrate
to…day the blessed memory of St。 Theodore the Nubian； who suffered for
the faith in the days of the Emperor Diocletian？ He lived virtuously
and died a martyr； and that is why； robed in white； we bear red roses
to his glorious tomb。〃
On hearing these words； Thais fell on her knees； and burst into tears。
Half…forgotten recollections of Ahmes returned to her mind。 On the
memory of this obscure； gentle； and unfortunate man； the blaze of
candles； the perfume of roses； the clouds of incense； the music of
hymns； the piety of souls； threw all the charms of glory。 Thais
thought in the dazzling glare
〃He was good； and now he has become great and glorious。 Why is it that
he is elevated above other men？ What is this unknown thing which is
more than riches or pleasure？〃
She rose slowly； and turned towards the tomb of the saint who had
loved her； those violet eyes； now filled with tears which glittered in
the candle…light； then； with bowed head； humble； slow； and the last；
with those lips on which so many desires hung； she kissed the stone of
the slave's tomb。
When she returned to her house； she found Nicias； who； with his hair
perfumed； and his tunic thrown open； was reading a treatise on morals
whilst waiting for her。 He advanced with open arms。
〃Naughty Thais；〃 he said； in a laughing voice； 〃whilst I was waiting
for you to come； do you know what I saw in this manuscript； written by
the gravest of Stoics？ Precepts of virtue and noble maxims： No！ On the
staid papyrus； I saw dance thousands and thousands of little Thaises。
Each was no bigger than my finger； and yet their grace was infinite；
and all were the only Thais。 There were some who flaunted in mantles
of purple and gold； others； like a white cloud； floated in the air in
transparent drapery。 Others again； motionless and divinely nude； the
better to inspire pleasure； expressed no thought。 Lastly； there were
two； hand in hand； two so alike that it was impossible to distinguish
one from the other。 Both smiled。 The first said； 'I am love。' The
other； 'I am death。' 〃
Thus speaking； he pressed Thais in his arms； and not noticing the
sullen look in her downcast eyes； he went on adding thought to
thought； heedless of the fact that they were all lost upon her。
〃Yes； when I had before my eyes the line in which it was written；
'Nothing should deter you from improving your mind；' I read； 'The
kisses of Thais are warmer than fire； and sweeter than honey。' That is
how a philosopher reads the books of other philosophersand that is
your fault； you naughty child。 It is true that； as long as we are what
we are； we shall never find anything but our own thoughts in the
thoughts of others； and that all of us are somewhat inclined to read
books as I have read