the innocence of father brown-第14章

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　to　get　the　fellow　jailed；　make　yourself　easy　about　that。　　But　I'd　give　a　good　many　silver　forks　to　know　exactly　how　you　fell　into　this　affair；　and　how　you　got　the　stuff　out　of　him。　　I　reckon　you're　the　most　up…to…date　devil　of　the　present　company。〃　　　　　Father　Brown　seemed　rather　to　like　the　saturnine　candour　of　the　soldier。　　〃Well；〃　he　said；　smiling；　〃I　mustn't　tell　you　anything　of　the　man's　identity；　or　his　own　story；　of　course；　but　there's　no　particular　reason　why　I　shouldn't　tell　you　of　the　mere　outside　facts　which　I　found　out　for　myself。〃　　　　　He　hopped　over　the　barrier　with　unexpected　activity；　and　sat　beside　Colonel　Pound；　kicking　his　short　legs　like　a　little　boy　on　a　gate。　　He　began　to　tell　the　story　as　easily　as　if　he　were　telling　it　to　an　old　friend　by　a　Christmas　fire。　　　　　〃You　see；　colonel；〃　he　said；　〃I　was　shut　up　in　that　small　room　there　doing　some　writing；　when　I　heard　a　pair　of　feet　in　this　passage　doing　a　dance　that　was　as　queer　as　the　dance　of　death。　First　came　quick；　funny　little　steps；　like　a　man　walking　on　tiptoe　for　a　wager；　then　came　slow；　careless；　creaking　steps；　as　of　a　big　man　walking　about　with　a　cigar。　　But　they　were　both　made　by　the　same　feet；　I　swear；　and　they　came　in　rotation；　first　the　run　and　then　the　walk；　and　then　the　run　again。　　I　wondered　at　first　idly　and　then　wildly　why　a　man　should　act　these　two　parts　at　once。　　One　walk　I　knew；　it　was　just　like　yours；　colonel。　　It　was　the　walk　of　a　well…fed　gentleman　waiting　for　something；　who　strolls　about　rather　because　he　is　physically　alert　than　because　he　is　mentally　impatient。　　I　knew　that　I　knew　the　other　walk；　too；　but　I　could　not　remember　what　it　was。　　What　wild　creature　had　I　met　on　my　travels　that　tore　along　on　tiptoe　in　that　extraordinary　style？　Then　I　heard　a　clink　of　plates　somewhere；　and　the　answer　stood　up　as　plain　as　St。　Peter's。　　It　was　the　walk　of　a　waiterthat　walk　with　the　body　slanted　forward；　the　eyes　looking　down；　the　ball　of　the　toe　spurning　away　the　ground；　the　coat　tails　and　napkin　flying。　Then　I　thought　for　a　minute　and　a　half　more。　　And　I　believe　I　saw　the　manner　of　the　crime；　as　clearly　as　if　I　were　going　to　commit　it。〃　　　　　Colonel　Pound　looked　at　him　keenly；　but　the　speaker's　mild　grey　eyes　were　fixed　upon　the　ceiling　with　almost　empty　wistfulness。　　　　　〃A　crime；〃　he　said　slowly；　〃is　like　any　other　work　of　art。　Don't　look　surprised；　crimes　are　by　no　means　the　only　works　of　art　that　come　from　an　infernal　workshop。　　But　every　work　of　art；　divine　or　diabolic；　has　one　indispensable　markI　mean；　that　the　centre　of　it　is　simple；　however　much　the　fulfilment　may　be　complicated。　Thus；　in　Hamlet；　let　us　say；　the　grotesqueness　of　the　grave…digger；　the　flowers　of　the　mad　girl；　the　fantastic　finery　of　Osric；　the　pallor　of　the　ghost　and　the　grin　of　the　skull　are　all　oddities　in　a　sort　of　tangled　wreath　round　one　plain　tragic　figure　of　a　man　in　black。　　Well；　this　also；〃　he　said；　getting　slowly　down　from　his　seat　with　a　smile；　〃this　also　is　the　plain　tragedy　of　a　man　in　black。　　Yes；〃　he　went　on；　seeing　the　colonel　look　up　in　some　wonder；　〃the　whole　of　this　tale　turns　on　a　black　coat。　　In　this；　as　in　Hamlet；　there　are　the　rococo　excrescencesyourselves；　let　us　say。　　There　is　the　dead　waiter；　who　was　there　when　he　could　not　be　there。　　There　is　the　invisible　hand　that　swept　your　table　clear　of　silver　and　melted　into　air。　　But　every　clever　crime　is　founded　ultimately　on　some　one　quite　simple　factsome　fact　that　is　not　itself　mysterious。　　The　mystification　comes　in　covering　it　up；　in　leading　men's　thoughts　away　from　it。　　This　large　and　subtle　and　（in　the　ordinary　course）　most　profitable　crime；　was　built　on　the　plain　fact　that　a　gentleman's　evening　dress　is　the　same　as　a　waiter's。　　All　the　rest　was　acting；　and　thundering　good　acting；　too。〃　　　　　〃Still；〃　said　the　colonel；　getting　up　and　frowning　at　his　boots；　〃I　am　not　sure　that　I　understand。〃　　　　　〃Colonel；〃　said　Father　Brown；　〃I　tell　you　that　this　archangel　of　impudence　who　stole　your　forks　walked　up　and　down　this　passage　twenty　times　in　the　blaze　of　all　the　lamps；　in　the　glare　of　all　the　eyes。　　He　did　not　go　and　hide　in　dim　corners　where　suspicion　might　have　searched　for　him。　　He　kept　constantly　on　the　move　in　the　lighted　corridors；　and　everywhere　that　he　went　he　seemed　to　be　there　by　right。　　Don't　ask　me　what　he　was　like；　you　have　seen　him　yourself　six　or　seven　times　tonight。　　You　were　waiting　with　all　the　other　grand　people　in　the　reception　room　at　the　end　of　the　passage　there；　with　the　terrace　just　beyond。　　Whenever　he　came　among　you　gentlemen；　he　came　in　the　lightning　style　of　a　waiter；　with　bent　head；　flapping　napkin　and　flying　feet。　　He　shot　out　on　to　the　terrace；　did　something　to　the　table　cloth；　and　shot　back　again　towards　the　office　and　the　waiters'　quarters。　　By　the　time　he　had　come　under　the　eye　of　the　office　clerk　and　the　waiters　he　had　become　another　man　in　every　inch　of　his　body；　in　every　instinctive　gesture。　　He　strolled　among　the　servants　with　the　absent…minded　insolence　which　they　have　all　seen　in　their　patrons。　It　was　no　new　thing　to　them　that　a　swell　from　the　dinner　party　should　pace　all　parts　of　the　house　like　an　animal　at　the　Zoo；　they　know　that　nothing　marks　the　Smart　Set　more　than　a　habit　of　walking　where　one　chooses。　　When　he　was　magnificently　weary　of　walking　down　that　particular　passage　he　would　wheel　round　and　pace　back　past　the　office；　in　the　shadow　of　the　arch　just　beyond　he　was　altered　as　by　a　blast　of　magic；　and　went　hurrying　forward　again　among　the　Twelve　Fishermen；　an　obsequious　attendant。　　Why　should　the　gentlemen　look　at　a　chance　waiter？　　Why　should　the　waiters　suspect　a　first…rate　walking　gentleman？　　Once　or　twice　he　played　the　coolest　tricks。　　In　the　proprietor's　private　quarters　he　called　out　breezily　for　a　syphon　of　soda　water；　saying　he　was　thirsty。　　He　said　genially　that　he　would　carry　it　himself；　and　he　did；　he　carried　it　quickly　and　correctly　through　the　thick　of　you；　a　waiter　with　an　obvious　errand。　　Of　course；　it　could　not　have　been　kept　up　long；　but　it　only　had　to　be　kept　up　till　the　end　of　the　fish　course。　　　　　〃His　worst　moment　was　when　the　waiters　stood　in　a　row；　but　even　then　he　contrived　to　lean　against　the　wall　just　round　the　corner　in　such　a　way　that　for　that　important　instant　the　waiters　thought　him　a　gentleman；　while　the　gentlemen　thought　him　a　waiter。　The　rest　went　like　winking。　　If　any　waiter　caught　him　away　from　the　table；　that　waiter　caught　a　languid　aristocrat。　　He　had　only　to　time　himself　two　minutes　before　the　fish　was　cleared；　become　a　swift　servant；　and　clear　it　himself。　　He　put　the　plates　down　on　a　sideboard；　stuffed　the　silver　in　his　breast　pocket；　giving　it　a　bulgy　look；　and　ran　like　a　hare　（I　heard　him　coming）　till　he　came　to　the　cloak　room。　　There　he　had　only　to　be　a　plutocrat　againa　plutocrat　called　away　suddenly　on　business。　　He　had　only　to　give　his　ticket　to　the　cloak…room　attendant；　and　go　out　again　elegantly　as　he　had　come　in。　　Onlyonly　I　happened　to　be　the　cloak…room　attendant。〃　　　　　〃What　did　you　do　to　him？〃　cried　the　colonel；　with　unusual　intensity。　　〃What　did　he　tell　you？〃　　　　　〃I　beg　your　pardon；〃　said　the　priest　immovably；　〃that　is　where　the　story　ends。〃　　　　　〃And　the　interesting　story　begins；〃　muttered　Pound。　　〃I　think　I　understand　his　professional　trick。　　But　I　don't　seem　to　have　got　hold　of　yours。〃　　　　　〃I　must　be　going；〃　said　Father　Brown。　　　　　They　walked　together　along　the　passage　to　the　entrance　hall；　where　they　saw　the　fresh；　freckled　face　of　the　Duke　of　Chester；　who　was　bounding　buoyantly　along　towards　them。　　　　　〃Come　along；　Pound；〃　he　cried　breathlessly。　　〃I've　been　looking　for　you　everywhere。　　The　dinner's　going　again　in　spanking　style；　and　old　Audley　has　got　to　make　a　speech　in　honour　of　the　forks　being　saved。　　We　want　to　start　some　new　ceremony；　don't　you　know；　to　commemorate　the　occasion。　　I　say；　you　really　got　the　goods　back；　what　do　you　suggest？〃　　　　　〃Why；〃　said　the　colonel；　eyeing　him　with　a　certain　sardonic　approval；　〃I　should　suggest　that　henceforward　we　wear　green　coats；　instead　of　black。　　One　never　knows　what　mistakes　may　arise　when　one　looks　so　like　a　waiter。〃　　　　　〃Oh；　hang　it　all！〃　said　the　young　man；　〃a　gentleman　never　looks　like　a　waiter。〃　　　　　〃Nor　a　waiter　like　a　gentleman；　I　suppose；〃　said　Colonel　Pound；　with　the　same　lowering　laughter　on　his　face。　　〃Reverend　sir；　your　friend　must　have　been　very　smart　to　act　the　gentleman。〃　　　　　Father　Brown　buttoned　up　his　commonplace　overcoat　to　the　neck；　for　the　night　was　stormy；　and　took　his　commonplace　umbrella　from　the　stand。　　　　　〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃it　must　be　very　hard　work　to　be　a　gentleman；　but；　do　you　know；　I　have　sometimes　thought　that　it　may　be　almost　as　laborious　to　be　a　waiter。〃　　　　　And　saying　〃Good　evening；〃　he　pushed　open　the　heavy　doors　of　that　palace　of　pleasures。　　The　golden　gates　closed　behind　him；　and　he　went　at　a　brisk　walk　through　the　damp；　dark　streets　in　search　of　a　penny　omnibus。



　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　The　Flying　Stars

〃The　most　beautiful　crime　I　ever　committed；〃　Flambeau　would　say　in　his　highly　moral　old　age；　〃was　also；　by　a　singular　coincidence；　my　last。　　It　was　committed　at　Christmas。　　As　an　artist　I　had　always　attempted　to　provide　crimes　suitable　to　the　special　season　or　landscapes　in　which　I　found　myself；　choosing　this　or　that　terrace　or　gar