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exceedingly small if he were ever able to warm himself at； and a
corner chimney…piece like a pyramidal staircase to the ceiling for
Tom Thumb。 The papering of one side of the room had dropped down
bodily； with fragments of plaster adhering to it； and almost
blocked up the door。 It appeared that Master B。； in his spiritual
condition； always made a point of pulling the paper down。 Neither
the landlord nor Ikey could suggest why he made such a fool of
himself。
Except that the house had an immensely large rambling loft at top；
I made no other discoveries。 It was moderately well furnished； but
sparely。 Some of the furnituresay； a thirdwas as old as the
house； the rest was of various periods within the last half…
century。 I was referred to a corn…chandler in the market…place of
the county town to treat for the house。 I went that day； and I
took it for six months。
It was just the middle of October when I moved in with my maiden
sister （I venture to call her eight…and…thirty； she is so very
handsome； sensible； and engaging）。 We took with us； a deaf stable…
man； my bloodhound Turk； two women servants； and a young person
called an Odd Girl。 I have reason to record of the attendant last
enumerated； who was one of the Saint Lawrence's Union Female
Orphans； that she was a fatal mistake and a disastrous engagement。
The year was dying early； the leaves were falling fast； it was a
raw cold day when we took possession； and the gloom of the house
was most depressing。 The cook （an amiable woman； but of a weak
turn of intellect） burst into tears on beholding the kitchen； and
requested that her silver watch might be delivered over to her
sister （2 Tuppintock's Gardens； Liggs's Walk； Clapham Rise）； in the
event of anything happening to her from the damp。 Streaker； the
housemaid； feigned cheerfulness； but was the greater martyr。 The
Odd Girl； who had never been in the country； alone was pleased； and
made arrangements for sowing an acorn in the garden outside the
scullery window； and rearing an oak。
We went； before dark； through all the naturalas opposed to
supernaturalmiseries incidental to our state。 Dispiriting
reports ascended （like the smoke） from the basement in volumes； and
descended from the upper rooms。 There was no rolling…pin； there
was no salamander （which failed to surprise me； for I don't know
what it is）； there was nothing in the house； what there was； was
broken； the last people must have lived like pigs； what could the
meaning of the landlord be？ Through these distresses； the Odd Girl
was cheerful and exemplary。 But within four hours after dark we
had got into a supernatural groove； and the Odd Girl had seen
〃Eyes；〃 and was in hysterics。
My sister and I had agreed to keep the haunting strictly to
ourselves； and my impression was； and still is； that I had not left
Ikey； when he helped to unload the cart； alone with the women； or
any one of them； for one minute。 Nevertheless； as I say； the Odd
Girl had 〃seen Eyes〃 （no other explanation could ever be drawn from
her）； before nine； and by ten o'clock had had as much vinegar
applied to her as would pickle a handsome salmon。
I leave a discerning public to judge of my feelings； when； under
these untoward circumstances； at about half…past ten o'clock Master
B。's bell began to ring in a most infuriated manner； and Turk
howled until the house resounded with his lamentations！
I hope I may never again be in a state of mind so unchristian as
the mental frame in which I lived for some weeks； respecting the
memory of Master B。 Whether his bell was rung by rats； or mice； or
bats； or wind； or what other accidental vibration； or sometimes by
one cause； sometimes another； and sometimes by collusion； I don't
know； but； certain it is； that it did ring two nights out of three；
until I conceived the happy idea of twisting Master B。's neckin
other words； breaking his bell short offand silencing that young
gentleman； as to my experience and belief； for ever。
But； by that time； the Odd Girl had developed such improving powers
of catalepsy； that she had become a shining example of that very
inconvenient disorder。 She would stiffen； like a Guy Fawkes
endowed with unreason； on the most irrelevant occasions。 I would
address the servants in a lucid manner； pointing out to them that I
had painted Master B。's room and balked the paper； and taken Master
B。's bell away and balked the ringing； and if they could suppose
that that confounded boy had lived and died； to clothe himself with
no better behavior than would most unquestionably have brought him
and the sharpest particles of a birch…broom into close acquaintance
in the present imperfect state of existence； could they also
suppose a mere poor human being； such as I was； capable by those
contemptible means of counteracting and limiting the powers of the
disembodied spirits of the dead； or of any spirits？I say I would
become emphatic and cogent； not to say rather complacent； in such
an address； when it would all go for nothing by reason of the Odd
Girl's suddenly stiffening from the toes upward； and glaring among
us like a parochial petrifaction。
Streaker； the housemaid； too； had an attribute of a most
discomfiting nature。 I am unable to say whether she was of an
usually lymphatic temperament； or what else was the matter with
her； but this young woman became a mere Distillery for the
production of the largest and most transparent tears I ever met
with。 Combined with these characteristics； was a peculiar tenacity
of hold in those specimens； so that they didn't fall； but hung upon
her face and nose。 In this condition； and mildly and deplorably
shaking her head； her silence would throw me more heavily than the
Admirable Crichton could have done in a verbal disputation for a
purse of money。 Cook； likewise； always covered me with confusion
as with a garment； by neatly winding up the session with the
protest that the Ouse was wearing her out； and by meekly repeating
her last wishes regarding her silver watch。
As to our nightly life； the contagion of suspicion and fear was
among us； and there is no such contagion under the sky。 Hooded
woman？ According to the accounts； we were in a perfect Convent of
hooded women。 Noises？ With that contagion downstairs； I myself
have sat in the dismal parlor； listening； until I have heard so
many and such strange noises； that they would have chilled my blood
if I had not warmed it by dashing out to make discoveries。 Try
this in bed； in the dead of the night： try this at your own
comfortable fire…side； in the life of the night。 You can fill any
house with noises； if you will； until you have a noise for every
nerve in your nervous system。
I repeat； the contagion of suspicion and fear was among us； and
there is no such contagion under the sky。 The women （their noses
in a chronic state of excoriation from smelling…salts） were always
primed and loaded for a swoon； and ready to go off with hair…
triggers。 The two elder detached the Odd Girl on all expeditions
that were considered doubly hazardous； and she always established
the reputation of such adventures by coming back cataleptic。 If
Cook or Streaker went overhead after dark； we knew we should
presently hear a bump on the ceiling； and this took place so
constantly； that it was as if a fighting man were engaged to go
about the house； administering a touch of his art which I believe
is called The Auctioneer； to every domestic he met with。
It was in vain to do anything。 It was in vain to be frightened；
for the moment in one's own person； by a real owl； and then to show
the owl。 It was in vain to discover； by striking an accidental
discord on the piano； that Turk always howled at particular notes
and combinations。 It was in vain to be a Rhadamanthus with the
bells； and if an unfortunate bell rang without leave； to have it
down inexorably and silence it。 It was in vain to fire up
chimneys； let torches down the well； charge furiously into
suspected rooms and recesses。 We changed servants； and it was no
better。 The new set ran away； and a third set came； and it was no
better。 At last； our comfortable housekeeping got to be so
disorganised and wretched； that I one night dejectedly said to my
sister： 〃Patty； I begin to despair of our getting people to go on
with us here； and I think we must give this up。〃
My sister； who is a woman of immense spirit； replied； 〃No； John；
don't give it up。 Don't be beaten； John。 There is another way。〃
〃And what is that？〃 said I。
〃John；〃 returned my sister； 〃if we are not to be driven out of this
house； and that for no reason whatever； that is apparent to you or
me； we must help ourselves and take the house wholly and solely
into our own hands。〃
〃But； the servants；〃 said I。
〃Have no servants；〃 said my sister； boldly。
Like most people in my grade of life；