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I had got master of my SECRET just in time to turn these honors to
some little account； otherwise； as is commonly the case； I should
have dined or supped a single time or two round； and then by
TRANSLATING French looks and attitudes into plain English； I should
presently have seen that I had got hold of the couvert* of some
more entertaining guest； and in course of time should have resigned
all my places one after another； merely upon the principle that I
could not keep them。 As it was； things did not go much amiss。
* Plate； napkin； knife； fork； and spoon。
I had the honor of being introduced to the old Marquis de B。
In days of yore he had signalized himself by some small feats of
chivalry in the Cour d'Amour； and had dressed himself out to the
idea of tilts and tournaments ever since。 The Marquis de B
wished to have it thought the affair was somewhere else than in his
brain。 〃He could like to take a trip to England；〃 and asked much
of the English ladies。 〃Stay where you are； I beseech you；
Monsieur le Marquis；〃 said I。 〃Les Messieurs Anglais can scarce
get a kind look from them as it is。〃 The marquis invited me to
supper。
M。 P； the farmer…general； was just as inquisitive about our
taxes。 They were very considerable； he heard。 〃If we knew but how
to collect them；〃 said I； making him a low bow。
I could never have been invited to M。 P's concerts upon any
other terms。
I had been misrepresented to Mme。 de Q as an espritMme。 de Q
was an esprit herself； she burned with impatience to see me and
hear me talk。 I had not taken my seat before I saw she did not
care a sou whether I had any wit or no。 I was let in to be
convinced she had。 I call Heaven to witness I never once opened
the door of my lips。
Mme。 de V vowed to every creature she met； 〃She had never had a
more improving conversation with a man in her life。〃
There are three epochs in the empire of a Frenchwomanshe is
coquette； then deist； then devote。 The empire during these is
never lostshe only changes her subjects。 When thirty…five years
and more have unpeopled her dominion of the slaves of love she
repeoples it with slaves of infidelity； and； then with the slaves
of the church。
Mme。 de V was vibrating between the first of these epochs； the
color of the rose was fading fast away； she ought to have been a
deist five years before the time I had the honor to pay my first
visit。
She placed me upon the same sofa with her for the sake of disputing
the point of religion more closely。 In short； Mme。 de V told
me she believed nothing。
I told Mme。 de V it might be her principle； but I was sure it
could not be her interest； to level the outworks； without which I
could not conceive how such a citadel as hers could be defended；
that there was not a more dangerous thing in the world than for a
beauty to be a deist； that it was a debt I owed my creed not to
conceal it from her； that I had not been five minutes upon the sofa
beside her before I had begun to form designs； and what is it but
the sentiments of religion； and the persuasion they had existed in
her breast； which could have checked them as they rose up？
〃We are not adamant；〃 said I； taking hold of her hand； 〃and there
is need of all restraints till age in her own time steals in and
lays them on us； but； my dear lady；〃 said I； kissing her hand； 〃it
is tootoo soon。〃
I declare I had the credit all over Paris of unperverting Mme。 de
V。 She affirmed to M。 D and the Abbe M that in one
half hour I had said more for revealed religion than all their
encyclopaedia had said against it。 I was listed directly into Mme。
de Vo's coterie； and she put off the epoch of deism for two
years。
I remember it was in this coterie； in the middle of a discourse； in
which I was showing the necessity of a first cause； that the young
Count de Faineant took me by the hand to the farthest corner of the
room； to tell me that my solitaire was pinned too strait about my
neck。 〃It should be plus badinant；〃 said the count； looking down
upon his own； 〃but a word； M。 Yorick； to the wise〃
〃And from the wise； M。 le Comte；〃 replied I； making him a bow； 〃is
enough。〃
The Count de Faineant embraced me with more ardor than ever I was
embraced by mortal man。
For three weeks together I was of every man's opinion I met。
〃Pardi！ ce M。 Yorick a autant d'esprit que nous autres。〃
〃Il raisonne bien；〃 said another。
〃C'est un bon enfant；〃 said a third。
And at this price I could have eaten and drunk and been merry all
the days of my life at Paris； but it was a dishonest reckoning。 I
grew ashamed of it； it was the gain of a slave； every sentiment of
honor revolted against it； the higher I got； the more was I forced
upon my beggarly system； the better the coterie； the more children
of Art； I languished for those of Nature。 And one night； after a
most vile prostitution of myself to half a dozen different people；
I grew sick； went to bed； and ordered horses in the morning to set
out for Italy。
CONTRAST
A shoe coming loose from the forefoot of the thill horse at the
beginning of the ascent of Mount Taurira； the postilion dismounted；
twisted the shoe off； and put it in his pocket； as the ascent was
of five or six miles； and that horse our main dependence I made a
point of having the shoe fastened on again as well as we could； but
the postilion had thrown away the nails； and the hammer in the
chaise box being of no great use without them； I submitted to go
on。
He had not mounted half a mile higher when； coming to a flinty
piece of road； the poor devil lost a second shoe； and from off his
other forefoot。 I then got out of the chaise in good earnest； and
seeing a house about a quarter of a mile to the left hand； with a
great deal to do I prevailed upon the postilion to turn up to it。
The look of the house； and of everything about it； as we drew
nearer； soon reconciled me to the disaster。 It was a little
farmhouse surrounded with about twenty acres of vineyard； about as
much corn； and close to the house on one side was a potagerie of an
acre and a half； full of everything which could make plenty in a
French peasant's house； and on the other side was a little wood
which furnished wherewithal to dress it。 It was about eight in the
evening when I got to the house； so I left the postilion to manage
his point as he could； and for mine I walked directly into the
house。
The family consisted of an old gray…headed man and his wife； with
five or six sons and sons…in…laws； and their several wives； and a
joyous genealogy out of them。
They were all sitting down together to their lentil soup。 A large
wheaten loaf was in the middle of the table； and a flagon of wine
at each end of it promised joy through the stages of the repast
'twas a feast of love。
The old man rose up to meet me； and with a respectful cordiality
would have me sit down at the table。 My heart was sat down the
moment I entered the room； so I sat down at once like a son of the
family； and to invest myself in the character as speedily as I
could； I instantly borrowed the old man's knife； and taking up the
loaf cut myself a hearty luncheon； and； as I did it； I saw a
testimony in every eye； not only of an honest welcome； but of a
welcome mixed with thanks that I had not seemed to doubt it。
Was it this； or tell me； Nature； what else it was that made this
morsel so sweet； and to what magic I owe it that the draught I took
of their flagon was so delicious with it that they remain upon my
palate to this hour？
If the supper was to my taste； the grace which followed it was much
more so。
When supper was over； the old man gave a knock upon the table with
the haft of his knife to bid them prepare for the dance。 The
moment the signal was given； the women and girls ran all together
into a back apartment to tie up their hair； and the young men to
the door to wash their faces and change their sabots； and in three
minutes every soul was ready upon a little esplanade before the
house to begin。 The old man and his wife came out last； and；
placing me betwixt them； sat down upon a sofa of turf by the door。
The old man had some fifty years ago been no mean performer upon
the vielle；* and at the age he was then of； touched well enough for
the purpose。 His wife sung now and then a little to the tune； then
intermitted； and joined her old man again； as their children and
grandchildren danced before them。
* A small violin； such as was used by the wandering jongleurs of
the Middle Ages。EDITOR。
It was not till the middle of the second dance when； from some
pauses in the movement wherein they all seemed to look up； I
fancied I could distinguish an elevation of spirit different from
that which is the cause or the effect of simple jollity。 In a
word； I thought I beheld