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indulged in sauerkraut at dinner。 He advised me to take a little
brandy； but； affecting a fresh access of pain； I bade him good…
night。 He hoped I should be all right on the morrowif not； he
added； we can postpone our journey till the day after。
Once in my own room I bolted the door； and sat down on the edge of
the bed in a tumult of excitement。
V
FLUCTUATIONS
Alone with my thoughts； and capable of pursuing conjectures and
conclusions without external interruption； I quickly exhausted all
the hypothetical possibilities of the case； and； from having
started with the idea that Bourgonef was the assassin； I came at
last to the more sensible conclusion that I was a constructive
blockhead。 My suspicions were simply outrageous in their defect of
evidence； and could never for one moment have seemed otherwise to
any imagination less riotously active than mine。
I bathed my heated head； undressed myself； and got into bed；
considering what I should say to the police when I went next
morning to communicate my suspicions。 And it is worthy of remark；
as well as somewhat ludicrously self…betraying； that no sooner did
I mentally see myself in the presence of the police； and was thus
forced to confront my suspicions with some appearance of evidence；
than the whole fabric of my vision rattled to the ground。 What had
I to say to the police？ Simply that； on the evening of the night
when Lieschen was murdered； I had passed in a public thoroughfare a
man whom I could not identify； but who as I could not help
fancying； seemed to recognize me。 This man； I had persuaded
myself； was the murderer； for which persuasion I was unable to
adduce a tittle of evidence。 It was uncolored by the remotest
possibility。 It was truly and simply the suggestion of my vagrant
fancy； which had mysteriously settled itself into a conviction； and
having thus capriciously identified the stranger with Lieschen's
murderer； I now； upon evidence quite as preposterous； identified
Bourgonef with the stranger。
The folly became apparent even to myself。 If Bourgonef had in his
possession a rouge…pot and false beard； I could not but acknowledge
that he made no attempt to conceal them； nor had he manifested any
confusion on their appearance。 He had quietly characterized them
as masquerading follies。 Moreover； I now began to remember
distinctly that the stranger did carry a walking…stick in his right
hand； and as Bourgonef had lost his right arm； that settled the
point。
Into such complications； would the tricks of imagination lead me！
I blushed mentally； and resolved to let it serve as a lesson in
future。 It is needless； however； to say that the lesson was lost；
as such lessons always are lost； a strong tendency in any direction
soon disregards all the teachings of experience。 I am still not
the less the victim of my constructive imagination； because I have
frequently had to be ashamed of its vagaries。
The next morning I awoke with a lighter breast； rejoicing in the
caution which had delayed me from any rash manifestation of
suspicions now seen to be absurd。 I smiled as the thought arose：
what if this suspected stranger should also be pestered by an
active imagination； and should entertain similar suspicions of me？
He must have seen in my eyes the look of recognition which I saw in
his。 On hearing of the murder； our meeting may also have recurred
to him； and his suspicions would have this color； wanting to mine；
that I happen to inherit with my Italian blood a somewhat truculent
appearance； which has gained for me among my friends the playful
sobriquet of 〃the brigand。〃
Anxious to atone at once for my folly； and to remove from my mind
any misgivingif it existedat my quitting him so soon after the
disclosures of the masquerading details； I went to Bourgonef as
soon as I was dressed and proposed a ramble till the diligence
started for Munich。 He was sympathetic in his inquiries about my
colic； which I assured him had quite passed away； and out we went。
The sharp morning air of March made us walk briskly； and gave a
pleasant animation to our thoughts。 As he discussed the acts of
the provisional government； so wise； temperate； and energetic； the
fervor and generosity of his sentiments stood out in such striking
contrast with the deed I had last night recklessly imputed to him
that I felt deeply ashamed； and was nearly carried away by mingled
admiration and self…reproach to confess the absurd vagrancy of my
thoughts and humbly ask his pardon。 But you can understand the
reluctance at a confession so insulting to him； so degrading to me。
It is at all times difficult to tell a man； face to face； eye to
eye； the evil you have thought of him； unless the recklessness of
anger seizes on it as a weapon with which to strike； and I had now
so completely unsaid to myself all that I once had thought of evil；
that to put it in words seemed a gratuitous injury to me and insult
to him。
A day or two after our arrival in Munich a reaction began steadily
to set in。 Ashamed as I was of my suspicions； I could not
altogether banish from my mind the incident which had awakened
them。 The image of that false beard would mingle with my thoughts。
I was vaguely uncomfortable at the idea of Bourgonef's carrying
about with him obvious materials of disguise。 In itself this would
have had little significance； but coupled with the fact that his
devoted servant wasin spite of all Bourgonef's eulogies
repulsively ferocious in aspect； capable； as I could not help
believing； of any brutality；the suggestion was unpleasant。 You
will understand that having emphatically acquitted Bourgonef in my
mind； I did not again distinctly charge him with any complicity in
the mysterious murder； on the contrary； I should indignantly have
repelled such a thought； but the uneasy sense of some mystery about
him； coupled with the accessories of disguise； and the aspect of
the servant； gave rise to dim； shadowy forebodings which ever and
anon passed across my mind。
Did it ever occur to you； reader； to reflect on the depths of
deceit which lie still and dark even in the honestest minds？
Society reposes on a thin crust of convention； underneath which lie
fathomless possibilities of crime； and consequently suspicions of
crime。 Friendship； however close and dear； is not free from its
reserves； unspoken beliefs； more or less suppressed opinions。 The
man whom you would indignantly defend against any accusation
brought by another； so confident are you in his unshakable
integrity； you may yourself momentarily suspect of crimes far
exceeding those which you repudiate。 Indeed； I have known
sagacious men hold that perfect frankness in expressing the
thoughts is a sure sign of imperfect friendship； something is
always suppressed； and it is not he who loves you that 〃tells you
candidly what he thinks〃 of your person； your pretensions； your
children； or your poems。 Perfect candor is dictated by envy； or
some other unfriendly feeling； making friendship a stalking…horse；
under cover of which it shoots the arrow which will rankle。
Friendship is candid only when the candor is urgentmeant to avert
impending danger or to rectify an error。 The candor which is an
impertinence never springs from friendship。 Love is sympathetic。
I do not； of course； mean to intimate that my feeling for Bourgonef
was of that deep kind which justifies the name of friendship。 I
only want to say that in our social relations we are constantly
hiding from each other； under the smiles and courtesies of friendly
interest； thoughts which； if expressed； would destroy all possible
communionand that； nevertheless； we are not insincere in our
smiles and courtesies； and therefore there is nothing paradoxical
in my having felt great admiration for Bourgonef； and great
pleasure in his society； while all the time there was deep down in
the recesses of my thoughts an uneasy sense of a dark mystery which
possibly connected him with a dreadful crime。
This feeling was roused into greater activity by an incident which
now occurred。 One morning I went to Bourgonef's room； which was at
some distance from mine on the same floor； intending to propose a
visit to the sculpture at the Glyptothek。 To my surprise I found
Ivan the serf standing before the closed door。 He looked at me
like a mastiff about to spring； and intimated by significant
gestures that I was not allowed to enter the room。 Concluding that
his master was occupied in some way； and desired not to be
disturbed； I merely signified by a nod that my visit was of no
consequence； and went out。 On returning about an hour afterwards I
saw Ivan putting three pink letters into the letter…box of the
hotel。 I attached no significance to this very ordinary fact at
the time； but went up to my room and began writing my letters； one
of which was to my lawyer； sendi