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transcending all that is ever felt by expansive and expressive
natures。 Slow to be moved； when they do move it is with the whole
mass of the heart。 So it was with me。 I purchased my immunity
from earlier entanglements by the price of my whole life。 I am not
what I was。 Between my past and present self there is a gulf； that
gulf is dark； stormy； and profound。 On the far side stands a youth
of hope； energy； ambition； and unclouded happiness； with great
capacities for loving； on this side a blighted manhood； with no
prospects but suffering and storm。〃
He paused。 With an effort he seemed to master the suggestions
which crowded upon his memory； and continued his narrative in an
equable tone。
〃I had been for several weeks at Heidelberg。 One of my intimate
companions was Kestner； the architect； and he one day proposed to
introduce me to his sister…in…law； Ottilie； of whom he had
repeatedly spoken to me in terms of great affection and esteem。
〃We went； and we were most cordially received。 Ottilie justified
Kestner's praises。 Pretty； but not strikingly soclever； but not
obtrusively so； her soft dark eyes were frank and winning； her
manner was gentle and retiring； with that dash of sentimentalism
which seems native to all German girls； but without any of the
ridiculous extravagance too often seen in them。 I liked her all
the more because I was perfectly at my ease with her； and this was
rarely the case in my relations to young women。 I don't enjoy
their society。
〃You leap at once to the conclusion that we fell in love。 Your
conclusion is precipitate。 Seeing her continually； I grew to
admire and respect her； but the significant smiles； winks； and
hints of friends； pointing unmistakably at a supposed understanding
existing between us； only made me more seriously examine the state
of my feelings； and assured me that I was not in love。 It is true
that I felt a serene pleasure in her society； and that when away
from her she occupied much of my thoughts。 It is true that I often
thought of her as a wife； and in these meditations she appeared as
one eminently calculated to make a happy home。 But it is no less
true that during a temporary absence of hers of a few weeks I felt
no sort of uneasiness； no yearning for her presence； no vacancy in
my life。 I knew； therefore； that it was not love which I felt。
〃So much for my feelings。 What of hers？ They seemed very like my
own。 That she admired me； and was pleased to be with me； was
certain。 That she had a particle of fiery love for me I did not；
could not believe。 And it was probably this very sense of her
calmness which kept my feelings quiet。 For love is a flame which
often can be kindled only by contact with flame。 Certainly this is
so in proud； reserved natures； which are chilled by any contact
with temperature not higher than their own。
〃On her return； however； from that absence I have mentioned； I was
not a little fluttered by an obvious change in her manner； an
impression which subsequent meetings only served to confirm。
Although still very quiet； her manner had become more tender； and
it had that delicious shyness which is the most exquisite of
flatteries； as it is one of the most enchanting of graces。 I saw
her tremble slightly beneath my voice； and blush beneath my gaze。
〃There was no mistaking these signs。 It was clear that she loved
me； and it was no less clear that I； taking fire at this discovery；
was myself rapidly falling in love。 I will not keep you from my
story by idle reflections。 Take another cigar。〃 He rose and paced
up and down the room in silence。
VII
AGALMA
〃At this juncture there arrived from Paris the woman to whom the
great sorrow of my life is due。 A fatalist might read in her
appearance at this particular moment the signs of a prearranged
doom。 A few weeks later； and her arrival would have been harmless；
I should have been shielded from all external influence by the
absorbing force of love。 But； alas！ this was not to be。 My fate
had taken another direction。 The woman had arrived whose shadow
was to darken the rest of my existence。 That woman was Agalma
Liebenstein。
〃How is it that the head which we can only see surrounded with a
halo； or a shadow； when the splendors of achievement or the infamy
of shame instruct our eyes； is by the uninstructed eye observed as
wholly vulgar？ We all profess to be physiognomists； how is it we
are so lamentably mistaken in our judgments？ Here was a woman in
whom my ignorant eyes saw nothing at all remarkable except golden
hair of unusual beauty。 When I say golden； I am not speaking
loosely。 I do not mean red or flaxen hair； but hair actually
resembling burnished gold more than anything else。 Its ripples on
her brow caught the light like a coronet。 This was her one beauty；
and it was superb。 For the rest； her features were characterless。
Her figure was tall and full； not graceful； but sweepingly
imposing。 At first I noticed nothing about her except the braided
splendor of her glorious hair。〃
He rose； and went into his bedroom； from which he returned with a
small trinket…box in his hand。 This he laid open on the table；
disclosing a long strand of exquisite fair hair lying on a cushion
of dark…blue velvet。
〃Look at that；〃 he said。 〃Might it not have been cut from an
angel's head？〃
〃It is certainly wonderful。〃
〃It must have been hair like this which crowned the infamous head
of Lucrezia Borgia；〃 he said； bitterly。 〃She； too； had golden
hair； but hers must have been of paler tint； like her nature。〃
He resumed his seat； and； fixing his eyes upon the lock； continued：
〃She was one of Ottilie's friendsdear friends； they called each
other；which meant that they kissed each other profusely； and told
each other all their secrets； or as much as the lying nature of the
sex permitted and suggested。 It is； of course； impossible for me
to disentangle my present knowledge from my past impressions so as
to give you a clear description of what I then thought of Agalma。
Enough that； as a matter of fact； I distinctly remember not to have
admired her； and to have told Ottilie so； and when Ottilie； in
surprise at my insensibility； assured me that men were in general
wonderfully charmed with her （though； for her part； she had never
understood why）； I answered； and answered sincerely； that it might
be true with the less refined order of men； but men of taste would
certainly be rather repelled from her。
〃This opinion of mine； or some report of it； reached Agalma。
〃It may have been the proximate cause of my sorrows。 Without this
stimulus to her vanity； she might have left me undisturbed。 I
don't know。 All I know is； that over many men Agalma exercised
great influence； and that over me she exercised the spell of
fascination。 No other word will explain her influence； for it was
not based on excellences such as the mind could recognize to be
attractions； it was based on a mysterious personal power； something
awful in its mysteriousness； as all demoniac powers are。 One
source of her influence over men I think I can explain： she at once
captivated and repelled them。 By artful appeals to their vanity；
she made them interested in her and in her opinion of them； and yet
kept herself inaccessible by a pride which was the more fascinating
because it always seemed about to give way。 Her instinct fastened
upon the weak point in those she approached。 This made her
seductive to men； because she flattered their weak points； and
hateful to women； because she flouted and disclosed their weak
points。
〃Her influence over me began in the following way。 One day； at a
picnic； having been led by her into a conversation respecting the
relative inferiority of the feminine intellect； I was forced to
speak rather more earnestly than usual； when suddenly she turned to
me and exclaimed in a lower voice：
〃'I am willing to credit anything you say； only pray don't continue
talking to me so earnestly。'
〃'Why not？' I asked； surprised。
〃She looked at me with peculiar significance； but remained silent。
〃'May I ask why not？' I asked。
〃'Because； if you do； somebody may be jealous。' There was a
laughing defiance in her eye as she spoke。
〃'And pray； who has a right to be jealous of me？'
〃'Oh！ you know well enough。'
〃It was true； I did know； and she knew that I knew it。 To my shame
be it said that I was weak enough to yield to an equivocation which
I now see to have been disloyal； but which I then pretended to have
been no more than delicacy to Ottilie。 As； in point of fact； there
had never been a word passed between us respecting our mutual
feelings； I considered myself bound in honor to assume that there
was nothing tacitly acknowledged。
〃Piqued by her tone and look； I disavowed the existence of any
clai