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inly hear her quick footsteps； the opening of a door； some sign of welcome； but all was as silent as death。 Half angry with himself for having grown so expectant of that loving watch as to be seriously apprehensive at its absence； he hastily put down his bag and walked into the sitting room； his calm exterior belying a nameless fear at his heart。
What the French call expressively a 〃serrement de coeur〃 seized him when he saw that Erica was indeed at home； but that she was lying on the couch。 She did not even spring up to greet him。
〃Is anything the matter； dear？ Are you ill？〃 he asked； hurriedly crossing the little room。
〃Oh； have you not seen Aunt Jean？ She was going to meet you at St。 Pancras；〃 said Erica； her heart failing her a little at the prospect of telling her own bad news。 But the exceeding anxiety of her father's face helped her to rise to the occasion。 She laughed； and the laugh was natural enough to reassure him。
〃It is nothing so very dreadful； and all this time you have never even given me a kiss； father。〃 She drew down the grand…looking white head； and pressed her fair face to his。 He sat down beside her。
〃Tell me； dear； what is wrong with you？〃 he repeated。
〃Well； I felt rather out of order； and they said I ought to see some one； and it seems that my tiresome spine is getting crooked； and the long and the short of it is that Mr。 Doctor Osmond says I shall get quite well again if I'm careful； but〃 she added； lightly； yet with the gentleness of one who thinks merely of the hearer's point of view 〃I shall have to be a passive verb for a year； and you will have to be my very strong man Kwasind。'〃
〃A year？〃 he exclaimed in dismay。
〃Brian half gave me hope that it might not be so long；〃 said Erica； 〃if I'm； very good and careful； and of course I shall be both。 I am only sorry because it will make me very useless。 I did hope I should never have been a burden on you again； father。〃
〃Don't talk of such a thing； my little son Eric；〃 he said； very tenderly。 〃Who should take care of you if not your own father？ Besides； if you never wrote another line for me； you would help me by just being yourself。 A burden！〃
〃Well； I've made you look as grave as half a dozen lawsuits；〃 said Erica； pretending to stroke the lines of care from his forehead。 〃I've had the morning to ruminate over the prospect； and really now that you know； it is not so very dreadful。 A year will soon pass。〃
〃I look to you； Eric；〃 said her father； 〃to show the world that we secularists know how to bear pain。 You won't waste the year if you can do it。〃
Her face lighted up。
〃It was like you to think of that！〃 she said； 〃that would indeed be worth doing。〃
Still； do what she would； Erica could not talk him back to cheerfulness。 He was terribly distressed at her news； and more so when he found that she was suffering a good deal。 He thought with a pang of the difference of the reality to his expectations。 No walk for them in the park that evening； nor probably for many years to come。 Yet he was ignorant of these matters； perhaps he exaggerated the danger or the duration； he would go across and see Brian Osmond at once。
Left once more to herself； the color died out of Erica's cheeks； she lay there pale and still； but her face was almost rigid with resoluteness。
〃I am not going to give way！〃 she thought to herself。 〃I won't shed a single tear。 Tears are wasteful luxuries； bad for body and mind。 And yet yet oh； it is hard just when I wanted to help father most！ Just when I wanted to keep him from being worried。 And a whole year！ How shall I bear it； when even six hours has seemed half a life time！ This is what Thekla would call a cross； but I only call it my horrid； stupid； idiotic old spine。 Well； I must try to show them that Luke Raeburn's daughter knows how to bear pain； I must be patient； however much I boil over in private。 Yet is it honest； I wonder； to keep a patient outside； while inside you are all one big grumble？ Rather Pharisaical outside of the cup and platter； but it is all I shall be able to do； I'm sure。 That is where Mr。 Osmond's Christianity would come in； I do believe that goes right through his life； privatest thoughts and all。 Odd； that a delusion should have such power； and over such a man！ There is Sir Michael Cunningham； too； one of the greatest and best men in England； yet a Christian！ Great intellects and much study； and still they remain Christians 'tis extraordinary。 But a Christian would have the advantage over me in a case like this。 First of all； I suppose； they would feel that they could serve their God as well on their backs as upright；while all the help I shall be able to give the cause is dreadfully indirect and problematical。 Then ertainly they would feel that they might be getting ready for the next world where all wrong is； they believe； to be set right； while I am only terribly hindered in getting ready for this world a whole year without the chance of a lecture。 And then they have all kinds of nice theories about pain； discipline； and that sort of thing； which no doubt make it more bearable； while to me it is just the one unmitigated evil。 But； oh！ They don't know what pain means！ For there is no death to them no endless separation。 What a delusion it is！ They ought to be happy enough。 Oh； mother！ mother！〃
After all； what she really dreaded in her enforced pause was the leisure for thought。 She had plunged into work of all kinds； had half killed herself with work； had tried to hold her despair at arms' length。 But now there was no help for it。 She must rest； and the thoughts must come。
CHAPTER XIII。 Losing One Friend to Gain Another
For toleration had its griefs； And charity its trial。 Whittier
〃Well； Osmond； you got into hot water a few years ago for defending Raeburn in public； and by this time you will find it not merely hot； but up to boiling point。 The fellow is more notorious than ever。〃
The speaker was one of Charles Osmond's college friends； a certain Mr。 Roberts； who had been abroad for a good many years； but； having returned on account of his health； had for a few months been acting as curate to his friend。
〃A man who works as indefatigably as Mr。 Raeburn has done can hardly avoid being noticed；〃 replied Charles Osmond。
〃You speak as if you admired the fellow！〃
〃There is a good deal to admire in Mr。 Raeburn。 However greatly mistaken he is； there is no doubt that he is a brave man； and an honest man。〃
〃You can speak in such a way of a man who makes his living by speaking and writing against God。〃
〃I hope I can speak the truth of every man； whether his creed agrees with mine or not。〃
〃A man who grows rich on blasphemy！ Who sows poison among the people and reaps the harvest！〃 exclaimed Mr。 Roberts。
〃That he teaches fearful error； I quite allow；〃 said Charles Osmond； 〃but it is the grossest injustice to say that he does it for gain。 His atheism brought him to the very brink of starvation some years ago。 Even now he is so crippled by the endless litigation he has had that he lives in absolute penury。〃
〃But that letter you sent to the 'Church Chronicle' was so uncalled for； you put the comparison so broadly〃
〃I put it in plain 〃English；〃 said Charles Osmond； 〃I merely said； as I think； that he puts many of us to shame by his great devotion。 The letter was a reply to a very unfair article about the Rilchester riot； it was absolutely necessary that some one should speak。 I tell you； Roberts； if you knew the man； you could not speak so bitterly of him。 It is not true that he leads a selfish； easy…going life； he has spent thousands and thousands of pounds in the defense of his cause。 I don't believe there is a man in England who has led a more self…denying life。 It may be very uncomfortable news for us； but we've no right to shut our ears to it。 I wish that man could stir up an honest sense of shame in every sleepy Christian in the country。 I believe that； indeed； to be his rightful mission。 Raeburn is a grand text for a sermon which the nation sorely needs。 'Here is a man who spends his whole strength in propagating his so…called gospel of atheism。 Do you spend your whole strength in spreading the gospel of Christ？ Here is a man； willing to leave his home； willing to live without one single luxury； denying himself all that is not necessary to actual health。 Have you ever denied yourself anything？ Here is a man who spends his whole living all that he has on what he believes to be the truth。 What meager tithe do you bestow upon the religion of which you speak so much？ Here is a man who dares to stand up alone in defense of what he holds true； a man who never flinches。 How far are you brave in the defense of your faith？ Do you never keep a prudent silence？ Do you never howl with the wolves？'〃
〃Thank Heaven you are not in the pulpit！〃 ejaculated Mr。 Roberts。
〃I wish those words could be sent through the length and breadth of the land；〃 said Charles Osmond。
〃No doubt Mr。 Raeburn would thank you；〃 said his friend； with a sharp…edged smile。 〃It would be a nice little advertisement for him。 Why； from a Church of England parson it would make his fortune！ My dear Osmond； yo