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ceased to be a vain man。 He still met us in the Gardens； but for
hours he and I would be together without speaking。 It was so
upon the last day； one of those innumerable dreary days when
David； having sneezed the night before； was kept at home in
flannel； and I sat alone with Paterson on the Story…seat。 At
last I turned to address him。 Never had we spoken of what
chained our tongues； and I meant only to say now that we must go；
for soon the gates would close； but when I looked at him I saw
that he was more mournful than ever before； he shut his eyes so
tightly that a drop of blood fell from them。
〃It was all over； Paterson； long ago；〃 I broke out harshly； 〃why
do we linger？〃
He beat his hands together miserably； and yet cast me appealing
looks that had much affection in them。
〃You expected too much of me；〃 I told him； and he bowed his head。
〃I don't know where you brought your grand ideas of men and women
from。 I don't want to know；〃 I added hastily。
〃But it must have been from a prettier world than this；〃 I said：
〃are you quite sure that you were wise in leaving it？〃
He rose and sat down again。 〃I wanted to know you；〃 he replied
slowly； 〃I wanted to be like you。〃
〃And now you know me；〃 I said； 〃do you want to be like me still？
I am a curious person to attach oneself to； Paterson； don't you
see that even David often smiles at me when he thinks he is
unobserved。 I work very hard to retain that little boy's love；
but I shall lose him soon； even now I am not what I was to him；
in a year or two at longest； Paterson； David will grow out of
me。〃
The poor fellow shot out his hand to me； but 〃No；〃 said I； 〃you
have found me out。 Everybody finds me out except my dog； and
that is why the loss of him makes such a difference to me。 Shall
we go； Paterson？〃
He would not come with me； and I left him on the seat； when I was
far away I looked back； and he was still sitting there forlornly。
For long I could not close my ears that night： I lay listening； I
knew not what for。 A scare was on me that made me dislike the
dark； and I switched on the light and slept at last。 I was
roused by a great to…do in the early morning； servants knocking
excitedly； and my door opened； and the dear Porthos I had mourned
so long tore in。 They had heard his bark； but whence he came no
one knew。
He was in excellent condition； and after he had leaped upon me
from all points I flung him on the floor by a trick I know； and
lay down beside him； while he put his protecting arm round me and
looked at me with the old adoring eyes。
But we never saw Paterson again。 You may think as you choose。
XXII
Joey
Wise children always choose a mother who was a shocking flirt in
her maiden days； and so had several offers before she accepted
their fortunate papa。 The reason they do this is because every
offer refused by their mother means another pantomime to them。
You see you can't trust to your father's taking you to the
pantomime； but you can trust to every one of the poor frenzied
gentlemen for whom that lady has wept a delicious little tear on
her lovely little cambric handkerchief。 It is pretty （but
dreadfully affecting） to see them on Boxing Night gathering
together the babies of their old loves。 Some knock at but one
door and bring a hansom； but others go from street to street in
private 'buses； and even wear false noses to conceal the
sufferings you inflict upon them as you grew more and more like
your sweet cruel mamma。
So I took David to the pantomime； and I hope you follow my
reasoning； for I don't。 He went with the fairest anticipations；
pausing on the threshold to peer through the hole in the little
house called 〃Pay Here；〃 which he thought was Red Riding Hood's
residence； and asked politely whether he might see her； but they
said she had gone to the wood； and it was quite true； for there
she was in the wood gathering a stick for her grandmother's fire。
She sang a beautiful song about the Boys and their dashing ways；
which flattered David considerably； but she forgot to take away
the stick after all。 Other parts of the play were not so nice；
but David thought it all lovely； he really did。
Yet he left the place in tears。 All the way home he sobbed in
the darkest corner of the growler； and if I tried to comfort him
he struck me。
The clown had done it； that man of whom he expected things so
fair。 He had asked in a loud voice of the middling funny
gentleman （then in the middle of a song） whether he thought Joey
would be long in coming； and when at last Joey did come he
screamed out； 〃How do you do； Joey！〃 and went into convulsions of
mirth。
Joey and his father were shadowing a pork…butcher's shop；
pocketing the sausages for which their family has such a fatal
weakness； and so when the butcher engaged Joey as his assistant
there was soon not a sausage left。 However； this did not matter；
for there was a box rather like an ice…cream machine； and you put
chunks of pork in at one end and turned a handle and they came
out as sausages at the other end。 Joey quite enjoyed doing this；
and you could see that the sausages were excellent by the way he
licked his fingers after touching them； but soon there were no
more pieces of pork； and just then a dear little Irish
terrier…dog came trotting down the street； so what did Joey do
but pop it into the machine and it came out at the other end as
sausages。
It was this callous act that turned all David's mirth to woe； and
drove us weeping to our growler。
Heaven knows I have no wish to defend this cruel deed； but as
Joey told me afterward； it is very difficult to say what they
will think funny and what barbarous。 I was forced to admit to
him that David had perceived only the joyous in the pokering of
the policeman's legs； and had called out heartily 〃Do it again！〃
every time Joey knocked the pantaloon down with one kick and
helped him up with another。
〃It hurts the poor chap；〃 I was told by Joey； whom I was
agreeably surprised to find by no means wanting in the more
humane feelings； 〃and he wouldn't stand it if there wasn't the
laugh to encourage him。〃
He maintained that the dog got that laugh to encourage him also。
However； he had not got it from David； whose mother and father
and nurse combined could not comfort him； though they swore that
the dog was still alive and kicking； which might all have been
very well had not David seen the sausages。 It was to inquire
whether anything could be done to atone that in considerable
trepidation I sent in my card to the clown； and the result of our
talk was that he invited me and David to have tea with him on
Thursday next at his lodgings。
〃I sha'n't laugh；〃 David said； nobly true to the memory of the
little dog； 〃I sha'n't laugh once；〃 and he closed his jaws very
tightly as we drew near the house in Soho where Joey lodged。 But
he also gripped my hand； like one who knew that it would be an
ordeal not to laugh。
The house was rather like the ordinary kind； but there was a
convenient sausage…shop exactly opposite （trust Joey for that）
and we saw a policeman in the street looking the other way； as
they always do look just before you rub them。 A woman wearing
the same kind of clothes as people in other houses wear； told us
to go up to the second floor； and she grinned at David； as if she
had heard about him； so up we went； David muttering through his
clenched teeth； 〃I sha'n't laugh；〃 and as soon as we knocked a
voice called out； 〃Here we are again！〃 at which a shudder passed
through David as if he feared that he had set himself an
impossible task。 In we went； however； and though the voice had
certainly come from this room we found nobody there。 I looked in
bewilderment at David； and he quickly put his hand over his
mouth。
It was a funny room； of course； but not so funny as you might
expect； there were droll things in it； but they did nothing
funny； you could see that they were just waiting for Joey。 There
were padded chairs with friendly looking rents down the middle of
them； and a table and a horse…hair sofa； and we sat down very
cautiously on the sofa but nothing happened to us。
The biggest piece of furniture was an enormous wicker trunk； with
a very lively coloured stocking dangling out at a hole in it； and
a notice on the top that Joey was the funniest man on earth。
David tried to pull the stocking out of the hole； but it was so
long that it never came to an end； and when it measured six times
the length of the room he had to cover his mouth again。
〃I'm not laughing；〃 he said to me； quite fiercely。 He even
managed not to laugh （though he did gulp） when we discovered on
the mantelpiece a photograph of Joey in ordinary clothes； the
garments he wore before he became a clown。 You can't think how
absurd he looked in them。 But Dav