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the little white bird-第40章

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lower road; and contented yourself with obtaining the Bird。  May

I point out; by presenting you with this dedication; that in the

meantime I am become the parent of the Book?  To you the shadow;

to me the substance。  Trusting that you will accept my little

offering in a Christian spirit; I am; dear madam;〃 etc。



It was heady work; for the saucy words showed their design

plainly through the varnish; and I was re…reading in an ecstasy;

when; without warning; the door burst open and a little boy

entered; dragging in a faltering lady。



〃Father;〃 said David; 〃this is mother。〃



Having thus briefly introduced us; he turned his attention to the

electric light; and switched it on and off so rapidly that; as

was very fitting; Mary and I may be said to have met for the

first time to the accompaniment of flashes of lightning。  I think

she was arrayed in little blue feathers; but if such a costume is

not seemly; I swear there were; at least; little blue feathers in

her too coquettish cap; and that she was carrying a muff to

match。  No part of a woman is more dangerous than her muff; and

as muffs are not worn in early autumn; even by invalids; I saw in

a twink; that she had put on all her pretty things to wheedle me。

 I am also of opinion that she remembered she had worn blue in

the days when I watched her from the club…window。  Undoubtedly

Mary is an engaging little creature; though not my style。  She

was paler than is her wont; and had the touching look of one whom

it would be easy to break。  I daresay this was a trick。  Her

skirts made music in my room; but perhaps this was only because

no lady had ever rustled in it before。  It was disquieting to me

to reflect that despite her obvious uneasiness; she was a very

artful woman。



With the quickness of David at the switch; I slipped a blotting…

pad over the dedication; and then; 〃Pray be seated;〃 I said

coldly; but she remained standing; all in a twitter and very much

afraid of me; and I know that her hands were pressed together

within the muff。  Had there been any dignified means of escape; I

think we would both have taken it。



〃I should not have come;〃 she said nervously; and then seemed to

wait for some response; so I bowed。



〃I was terrified to come; indeed I was;〃 she assured me with

obvious sincerity。



〃But I have come;〃 she finished rather baldly。



〃It is an epitome; ma'am;〃 said I; seeing my chance; 〃of your

whole life;〃 and with that I put her into my elbow…chair。



She began to talk of my adventures with David in the Gardens; and

of some little things I have not mentioned here; that I may have

done for her when I was in a wayward mood; and her voice was as

soft as her muff。  She had also an affecting way of pronouncing

all her r's as w's; just as the fairies do。  〃And so;〃 she said;

〃as you would not come to me to be thanked; I have come to you to

thank you。〃  Whereupon she thanked me most abominably。  She also

slid one of her hands out of the muff; and though she was smiling

her eyes were wet。



〃Pooh; ma'am;〃 said I in desperation; but I did not take her

hand。



〃I am not very strong yet;〃 she said with low cunning。  She said

this to make me take her hand; so I took it; and perhaps I patted

it a little。  Then I walked brusquely to the window。  The truth

is; I begun to think uncomfortably of the dedication。



I went to the window because; undoubtedly; it would be easier to

address her severely from behind; and I wanted to say something

that would sting her。



〃When you have quite done; ma'am;〃 I said; after a long pause;

〃perhaps you will allow me to say a word。〃



I could see the back of her head only; but I knew; from David's

face; that she had given him a quick look which did not imply

that she was stung。  Indeed I felt now; as I had felt before;

that though she was agitated and in some fear of me; she was also

enjoying herself considerably。



In such circumstances I might as well have tried to sting a sand…

bank; so I said; rather off my watch; 〃If I have done all this

for you; why did I do it?〃



She made no answer in words; but seemed to grow taller in the

chair; so that I could see her shoulders; and I knew from this

that she was now holding herself conceitedly and trying to look

modest。  〃Not a bit of it; ma'am;〃 said I sharply; 〃that was not

the reason at all。〃



I was pleased to see her whisk round; rather indignant at last。



〃I never said it was;〃 she retorted with spirit; 〃I never thought

for a moment that it was。〃  She added; a trifle too late in the

story; 〃Besides; I don't know what you are talking of。〃



I think I must have smiled here; for she turned from me quickly;

and became quite little in the chair again。



〃David;〃 said I mercilessly; 〃did you ever see your mother

blush?〃



〃What is blush?〃



〃She goes a beautiful pink colour。〃



David; who had by this time broken my connection with the head

office; crossed to his mother expectantly。



〃I don't; David;〃 she cried。



〃I think;〃 said I; 〃she will do it now;〃 and with the instinct of

a gentleman I looked away。  Thus I cannot tell what happened; but

presently David exclaimed admiringly; 〃Oh; mother; do it again!〃



As she would not; he stood on the fender to see in the mantel…

glass whether he could do it himself; and then Mary turned a most

candid face on me; in which was maternity rather than reproach。

Perhaps no look given by woman to man affects him quite so much。

〃You see;〃 she said radiantly and with a gesture that disclosed

herself to me; 〃I can forgive even that。  You long ago earned the

right to hurt me if you want to。〃



It weaned me of all further desire to rail at Mary; and I felt an

uncommon drawing to her。



〃And if I did think that for a little while;〃 she went on; with

an unsteady smile。



〃Think what?〃 I asked; but without the necessary snap。



〃What we were talking of;〃 she replied wincing; but forgiving me

again。  〃If I once thought that; it was pretty to me while it

lasted and it lasted but a little time。  I have long been sure

that your kindness to me was due to some other reason。〃



〃Ma'am;〃 said I very honestly; 〃I know not what was the reason。

My concern for you was in the beginning a very fragile and even a

selfish thing; yet not altogether selfish; for I think that what

first stirred it was the joyous sway of the little nursery

governess as she walked down Pall Mall to meet her lover。  It

seemed such a mighty fine thing to you to be loved that I thought

you had better continue to be loved for a little longer。  And

perhaps having helped you once by dropping a letter I was charmed

by the ease with which you could be helped; for you must know

that I am one who has chosen the easy way for more than twenty

years。〃



She shook her head and smiled。  〃On my soul;〃 I assured her; 〃I

can think of no other reason。〃



〃A kind heart;〃 said she。



〃More likely a whim;〃 said I。



〃Or another woman;〃 said she。



I was very much taken aback。



〃More than twenty years ago;〃 she said with a soft huskiness in

her voice; and a tremor and a sweetness; as if she did not know

that in twenty years all love stories are grown mouldy。



On my honour as a soldier this explanation of my early solicitude

for Mary was one that had never struck me; but the more I

pondered it now。  I raised her hand and touched it with my lips;

as we whimsical old fellows do when some gracious girl makes us

to hear the key in the lock of long ago。  〃Why; ma'am;〃 I said;

〃it is a pretty notion; and there may be something in it。  Let us

leave it at that。〃



But there was still that accursed dedication; lying; you

remember; beneath the blotting…pad。  I had no longer any desire

to crush her with it。  I wished that she had succeeded in writing

the book on which her longings had been so set。



〃If only you had been less ambitious;〃 I said; much troubled that

she should be disappointed in her heart's desire。



〃I wanted all the dear delicious things;〃 she admitted

contritely。



〃It was unreasonable;〃 I said eagerly; appealing to her

intellect。  〃Especially this last thing。〃



〃Yes;〃 she agreed frankly; 〃I know。〃  And then to my amazement

she added triumphantly; 〃But I got it。〃



I suppose my look admonished her; for she continued

apologetically but still as if she really thought hers had been a

romantic career; 〃I know I have not deserved it; but I got it。〃



〃Oh; ma'am;〃 I cried reproachfully; 〃reflect。  You have not got

the great thing。〃  I saw her counting the great things in her

mind; her wondrous husband and his obscure success; David;

Barbara; and the other trifling contents of her jewel…box。



〃I think I have;〃 said she。



〃Come; madam;〃 I cried a little nettled; 〃you know that there is

lacking the one thing you craved for most of all。〃



Will you believe me that I had to tell her wha
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