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the little white bird-第6章

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There were the nights when her husband came out to watch for the

postman。  I suppose he was awaiting some letter big with the fate

of a picture。  He dogged the postman from door to door like an

assassin or a guardian angel; never had he the courage to ask if

there was a letter for him; but almost as it fell into the box he

had it out and tore it open; and then if the door closed

despairingly the woman who had been at the window all this time

pressed her hand to her heart。  But if the news was good they

might emerge presently and strut off arm in arm in the direction

of the pork emporium。



One last picture。  On summer evenings I had caught glimpses of

them through the open window; when she sat at the piano singing

and playing to him。  Or while she played with one hand; she flung

out the other for him to grasp。  She was so joyously happy; and

she had such a romantic mind。  I conceived her so sympathetic

that she always laughed before he came to the joke; and I am sure

she had filmy eyes from the very start of a pathetic story。



And so; laughing and crying; and haunted by whispers; the little

nursery governess had gradually become another woman; glorified;

mysterious。  I suppose a man soon becomes used to the great

change; and cannot recall a time when there were no babes

sprawling in his Mary's face。



I am trying to conceive what were the thoughts of the young

husband on the other side of the street。  〃If the barrier is to

be crossed to…night may I not go with her?  She is not so brave

as you think her。  When she talked so gaily a few hours ago; O my

God; did she deceive even you?〃



Plain questions to…night。  〃Why should it all fall on her?  What

is the man that he should be flung out into the street in this

terrible hour?  You have not been fair to the man。〃



Poor boy; his wife has quite forgotten him and his trumpery love。

If she lives she will come back to him; but if she dies she will

die triumphant and serene。  Life and death; the child and the

mother; are ever meeting as the one draws into harbour and the

other sets sail。  They exchange a bright 〃All's well〃 and pass

on。



But afterward?



The only ghosts; I believe; who creep into this world; are dead

young mothers; returned to see how their children fare。  There is

no other inducement great enough to bring the departed back。 

They glide into the acquainted room when day and night; their

jailers; are in the grip; and whisper; 〃How is it with you; my

child?〃 but always; lest a strange face should frighten him; they

whisper it so low that he may not hear。  They bend over him to

see that he sleeps peacefully; and replace his sweet arm beneath

the coverlet; and they open the drawers to count how many little

vests he has。  They love to do these things。



What is saddest about ghosts is that they may not know their

child。  They expect him to be just as he was when they left him;

and they are easily bewildered; and search for him from room to

room; and hate the unknown boy he has become。  Poor; passionate

souls; they may even do him an injury。  These are the ghosts that

go wailing about old houses; and foolish wild stories are

invented to explain what is all so pathetic and simple。  I know

of a man who; after wandering far; returned to his early home to

pass the evening of his days in it; and sometimes from his chair

by the fire he saw the door open softly and a woman's face

appear。  She always looked at him very vindictively; and then

vanished。 Strange things happened in this house。  Windows were

opened in the night。  The curtains of his bed were set fire to。 

A step on the stair was loosened。  The covering of an old well in

a corridor where he walked was cunningly removed。  And when he

fell ill the wrong potion was put in the glass by his bedside;

and he died。 How could the pretty young mother know that this

grizzled interloper was the child of whom she was in search?



All our notions about ghosts are wrong。  It is nothing so petty

as lost wills or deeds of violence that brings them back; and we

are not nearly so afraid of them as they are of us。



One by one the lights of the street went out; but still a lamp

burned steadily in the little window across the way。  I know not

how it happened; whether I had crossed first to him or he to me;

but; after being for a long time as the echo of each other's

steps; we were together now。  I can have had no desire to deceive

him; but some reason was needed to account for my vigil; and I

may have said something that he misconstrued; for above my words

he was always listening for other sounds。  But however it came

about he had conceived the idea that I was an outcast for a

reason similar to his own; and I let his mistake pass; it seemed

to matter so little and to draw us together so naturally。  We

talked together of many things; such as worldly ambition。  For

long ambition has been like an ancient memory to me; some

glorious day recalled from my springtime; so much a thing of the

past that I must make a railway journey to revisit it as to look

upon the pleasant fields in which that scene was laid。  But he

had been ambitious yesterday。



I mentioned worldly ambition。  〃Good God!〃 he said with a

shudder。



There was a clock hard by that struck the quarters; and one

o'clock passed and two。  What time is it now?  Twenty past two。

And now?  It is still twenty past two。



I asked him about his relatives; and neither he nor she had any。

〃We have a friend〃 he began and paused; and then rambled into a

not very understandable story about a letter and a doll's house

and some unknown man who had bought one of his pictures; or was

supposed to have done so; in a curiously clandestine manner。  I

could not quite follow the story。



〃It is she who insists that it is always the same person;〃 he

said。  〃She thinks he will make himself known to me if anything

happens to her。〃  His voice suddenly went husky。  〃She told me;〃

he said; 〃if she died and I discovered him; to give him her

love。〃



At this we parted abruptly; as we did at intervals throughout the

night; to drift together again presently。  He tried to tell me of

some things she had asked him to do should she not get over this;

but what they were I know not; for they engulfed him at the first

step。  He would draw back from them as ill…omened things; and

next moment he was going over them to himself like a child at

lessons。 A child!  In that short year she had made him entirely

dependent on her。  It is ever thus with women: their first

deliberate act is to make their husband helpless。  There are few

men happily married who can knock in a nail。



But it was not of this that I was thinking。  I was wishing I had

not degenerated so much。



Well; as you know; the little nursery governess did not die。  At

eighteen minutes to four we heard the rustle of David's wings。 

He boasts about it to this day; and has the hour to a syllable as

if the first thing he ever did was to look at the clock。



An oldish gentleman had opened the door and waved congratulations

to my companion; who immediately butted at me; drove me against a

wall; hesitated for a second with his head down as if in doubt

whether to toss me; and then rushed away。  I followed slowly。  I

shook him by the hand; but by this time he was haw…haw…hawing so

abominably that a disgust of him swelled up within me; and with

it a passionate desire to jeer once more at Mary A



〃It is little she will care for you now;〃 I said to the fellow;

〃I know the sort of woman; her intellectuals (which are all she

has to distinguish her from the brutes) are so imperfectly

developed that she will be a crazy thing about that boy for the

next three years。  She has no longer occasion for you; my dear

sir; you are like a picture painted out。〃



But I question whether he heard me。  I returned to my home。 

Home! As if one alone can build a nest。  How often as I have

ascended the stairs that lead to my lonely; sumptuous rooms; have

I paused to listen to the hilarity of the servants below。  That

morning I could not rest: I wandered from chamber to chamber;

followed by my great dog; and all were alike empty and desolate。 

I had nearly finished a cigar when I thought I heard a pebble

strike the window; and looking out I saw David's father standing

beneath。  I had told him that I lived in this street; and I

suppose my lights had guided him to my window。



〃I could not lie down;〃 he called up hoarsely; 〃until I heard

your news。  Is it all right?〃



For a moment I failed to understand him。  Then I said sourly:

〃Yes; all is right。〃



〃Both doing well?〃 he inquired。



〃Both;〃 I answered; and all the time I was trying to shut the

window。  It was undoubtedly a kindly impulse that had brought him

out; but I was nevertheless in a passion with him。



〃Boy or girl?〃 persisted the dodderer with ungentlemanlike

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