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steady resolution; and (after all said) admirable。 I well foresaw that;
if his illness permitted him to express himself; he would allow nothing
to fall from him; in such an extremity; that was not replete with good
example。 I consequently took every care in my power to treasure what was
said。 True it is; Monseigneur; as my memory is not only in itself very
short; but in this case affected by the trouble which I have undergone;
through so heavy and important a loss; that I have forgotten a number of
things which I should wish to have had known; but those which I recollect
shall be related to you as exactly as lies in my power。 For to represent
in full measure his noble career suddenly arrested; to paint to you his
indomitable courage; in a body worn out and prostrated by pain and the
assaults of death; I confess; would demand a far better ability than
mine: because; although; when in former years he discoursed on serious
and important matters; he handled them in such a manner that it was
difficult to reproduce exactly what he said; yet his ideas and his words
at the last seemed to rival each other in serving him。 For I am sure
that I never knew him give birth to such fine conceptions; or display so
much eloquence; as in the time of his sickness。 If; Monseigneur; you
blame me for introducing his more ordinary observations; please to know
that I do so advisedly; for since they proceeded from him at a season of
such great trouble; they indicate the perfect tranquillity of his mind
and thoughts to the last。
On Monday; the 9th day of August 1563; on my return from the Court; I
sent an invitation to him to come and dine with me。 He returned word
that he was obliged; but; being indisposed; he would thank me to do him
the pleasure of spending an hour with him before he started for Medoc。
Shortly after my dinner I went to him。 He had laid himself down on the
bed with his clothes on; and he was already; I perceived; much changed。
He complained of diarrhoea; accompanied by the gripes; and said that he
had it about him ever since he played with M。 d'Escars with nothing but
his doublet on; and that with him a cold often brought on such attacks。
I advised him to go as he had proposed; but to stay for the night at
Germignac; which is only about two leagues from the town。 I gave him
this advice; because some houses; near to that where he was ping; were
visited by the plague; about which he was nervous since his return from
Perigord and the Agenois; here it had been raging; and; besides; horse
exercise was; from my own experience; beneficial under similar
circumstances。 He set out; accordingly; with his wife and M。
Bouillhonnas; his uncle。
Early on the following morning; however; I had intelligence from Madame
de la Boetie; that in the night he had fresh and violent attack of
dysentery。 She had called in physician and apothecary; and prayed me to
lose no time coming; which (after dinner) I did。 He was delighted to see
me; and when I was going away; under promise to turn the following day;
he begged me more importunately and affectionately than he was wont to
do; to give him as such of my company as possible。 I was a little
affected; yet was about to leave; when Madame de la Boetie; as if she
foresaw something about to happen; implored me with tears to stay the
night。 When I consented; he seemed to grow more cheerful。 I returned
home the next day; and on the Thursday I paid him another visit。 He had
become worse; and his loss of blood from the dysentery; which reduced his
strength very much; was largely on the increase。 I quitted his side on
Friday; but on Saturday I went to him; and found him very weak。 He then
gave me to understand that his complaint was infectious; and; moreover;
disagreeable and depressing; and that he; knowing thoroughly my
constitution; desired that I should content myself with coming to see him
now and then。 On the contrary; after that I never left his side。
It was only on the Sunday that he began to converse with me on any
subject beyond the immediate one of his illness; and what the ancient
doctors thought of it: we had not touched on public affairs; for I found
at the very outset that he had a dislike to them。
But; on the Sunday; he had a fainting fit; and when he came to himself;
he told me that everything seemed to him confused; as if in a mist and in
disorder; and that; nevertheless; this visitation was not unpleasing to
him。 〃Death;〃 I replied; 〃has no worse sensation; my brother。〃 〃None so
bad;〃 was his answer。 He had had no regular sleep since the beginning of
his illness; and as he became worse and worse; he began to turn his
attention to questions which men commonly occupy themselves with in the
last extremity; despairing now of getting better; and intimating as much
to me。 On that day; as he appeared in tolerably good spirits; I took
occasion to say to him that; in consideration of the singular love I bore
him; it would become me to take care that his affairs; which he had
conducted with such rare prudence in his life; should not be neglected at
present; and that I should regret it if; from want of proper counsel; he
should leave anything unsettled; not only on account of the loss to his
family; but also to his good name。
He thanked me for my kindness; and after a little reflection; as if he
was resolving certain doubts in his own mind; he desired me to summon his
uncle and his wife by themselves; in order that he might acquaint them
with his testamentary dispositions。 I told him that this would shock
them。 〃No; no;〃 he answered; 〃I will cheer them by making out my case to
be better than it is。〃 And then he inquired; whether we were not all
much taken by surprise at his having fainted? I replied; that it was of
no importance; being incidental to the complaint from which he suffered。
〃True; my brother;〃 said he; 〃it would be unimportant; even though it
should lead to what you most dread。〃 〃For you;〃 I rejoined; 〃it might be
a happy thing; but I should be the loser; who would thereby be deprived
of so great; so wise; and so steadfast a friend; a friend whose place I
should never see supplied。〃 〃It is very likely you may not;〃 was his
answer; 〃and be sure that one thing which makes me somewhat anxious to
recover; and to delay my journey to that place; whither I am already
half…way gone; is the thought of the loss both you and that poor man and
woman there (referring to his uncle and wife) must sustain; for I love
them with my whole heart; and I feel certain that they will find it very
hard to lose me。 I should also regret it on account of such as have; in
my lifetime; valued me; and whose conversation I should like to have
enjoyed a little longer; and I beseech you; my brother; if I leave the
world; to carry to them for me an assurance of the esteem I entertained
for them to the last moment of my existence。 My birth was; moreover;
scarcely to so little purpose but that; had I lived; I might have done
some service to the public; but; however this may be; I am prepared to
submit to the will of God; when it shall please Him to call me; being
confident of enjoying the tranquillity which you have foretold for me。
As for you; my friend; I feel sure that you are so wise; that you will
control your emotions; and submit to His divine ordinance regarding me;
and I beg of you to see that that good man and woman do not mourn for my
departure unnecessarily。〃
He proceeded to inquire how they behaved at present。 〃Very well;〃 said
I; 〃considering the circumstances。〃 〃Ah!〃 he replied; 〃that is; so long
as they do not abandon all hope of me; but when that shall be the case;
you will have a hard task to support them。〃 It was owing to his strong
regard for his wife and uncle that he studiously disguised from them his
own conviction as to the certainty of his end; and he prayed me to do the
same。 When they were near him he assumed an appearance of gaiety; and
flattered them with hopes。 I then went to call them。 They came; wearing
as composed an air as possible; and when we four were together; he
addressed us; with an untroubled countenance; as follows: 〃Uncle and
wife; rest assured that no new attack of my disease; or fresh doubt that
I have as to my recovery; has led me to take this step of communicating
to you my intentions; for; thank God; I feel very well and hopeful; but
taught by observation and experience the instability of all human things;
and even of the life to which we are so much attached; and which is;
nevertheless; a mere bubble; and knowing; moreover; that my state of
health brings me more within the danger of death; I have thought proper
to settle my worldly affairs; having the benefit of your advice。〃 Then
addressing himself more particularly to his uncle; 〃Good uncle;〃 said he;
〃if I were to rehearse all the obligations under which I lie to you; I am
sure that I never should make an end。 Let me only say that; wherever I
have been; and with whomsoever I have conversed; I have represented you
as doing for me all that a father could do for a son; both in the care
with which you tended my education; and in the zeal with which you pushed
me forward int