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their business is as unsympathetic as Jack Ketch's。 There is nothing
humanizing in their relations with their fellow…creatures。 They go
for the side that retains them。 They defend the man they know to be
a rogue； and not very rarely throw suspicion on the man they know to
be innocent。 Mind you； I am not finding fault with them； every side
of a case has a right to the best statement it admits of； but I say
it does not tend to make them sympathetic。 Suppose in a case of
Fever vs。 Patient； the doctor should side with either party according
to whether the old miser or his expectant heir was his employer。
Suppose the minister should side with the Lord or the Devil；
according to the salary offered and other incidental advantages；
where the soul of a sinner was in question。 You can see what a piece
of work it would make of their sympathies。 But the lawyers are
quicker witted than either of the other professions； and abler men
generally。 They are good…natured； or； if they quarrel； their
quarrels are above…board。 I don't think they are as accomplished as
the ministers； but they have a way of cramming with special knowledge
for a case which leaves a certain shallow sediment of intelligence in
their memories about a good many things。 They are apt to talk law in
mixed company； and they have a way of looking round when they make a
point； as if they were addressing a jury； that is mighty aggravating；
as I once had occasion to see when one of 'em； and a pretty famous
one； put me on the witness…stand at a dinner…party once。
The ministers come next in point of talent。 They are far more
curious and widely interested outside of their own calling than
either of the other professions。 I like to talk with 'em。 They are
interesting men； full of good feelings； hard workers； always foremost
in good deeds； and on the whole the most efficient civilizing class；
working downwards from knowledge to ignorance； that is；not so much
upwards； perhaps；that we have。 The trouble is； that so many of 'em
work in harness； and it is pretty sure to chafe somewhere。 They feed
us on canned meats mostly。 They cripple our instincts and reason；
and give us a crutch of doctrine。 I have talked with a great many of
'em of all sorts of belief； and I don't think they are quite so easy
in their minds； the greater number of them； nor so clear in their
convictions； as one would think to hear 'em lay down the law in the
pulpit。 They used to lead the intelligence of their parishes； now
they do pretty well if they keep up with it； and they are very apt to
lag behind it。 Then they must have a colleague。 The old minister
thinks he can hold to his old course； sailing right into the wind's
eye of human nature； as straight as that famous old skipper John
Bunyan； the young minister falls off three or four points and catches
the breeze that left the old man's sails all shivering。 By and by
the congregation will get ahead of him； and then it must； have
another new skipper。 The priest holds his own pretty well； the
minister is coming down every generation nearer and nearer to the
common level of the useful citizen；no oracle at all； but a man of
more than average moral instincts； who； if he knows anything； knows
how little he knows。 The ministers are good talkers； only the
struggle between nature and grace makes some of 'em a little awkward
occasionally。 The women do their best to spoil 'em； as they do the
poets； you find it very pleasant to be spoiled； no doubt； so do they。
Now and then one of 'em goes over the dam； no wonder； they're always
in the rapids。
By this time our three ladies had their faces all turned toward the
speaker； like the weathercocks in a northeaster； and I thought it
best to switch off the talk on to another rail。
How about the doctors？I said。
Theirs is the least learned of the professions； in this country at
least。 They have not half the general culture of the lawyers； nor a
quarter of that of the ministers。 I rather think； though； they are
more agreeable to the common run of people than the men with black
coats or the men with green bags。 People can swear before 'em if
they want to； and they can't very well before ministers。 I don't
care whether they want to swear or not； they don't want to be on
their good behavior。 Besides； the minister has a little smack of the
sexton about him； he comes when people are in extremis； but they
don't send for him every time they make a slight moral slip； tell a
lie for instance； or smuggle a silk dress through the customhouse；
but they call in the doctor when a child is cutting a tooth or gets a
splinter in its finger。 So it does n't mean much to send for him；
only a pleasant chat about the news of the day； for putting the baby
to rights does n't take long。 Besides； everybody does n't like to
talk about the next world； people are modest in their desires； and
find this world as good as they deserve； but everybody loves to talk
physic。 Everybody loves to hear of strange cases； people are eager
to tell the doctor of the wonderful cures they have heard of； they
want to know what is the matter with somebody or other who is said to
be suffering from 〃a complication of diseases；〃 and above all to get
a hard name； Greek or Latin； for some complaint which sounds
altogether too commonplace in plain English。 If you will only call a
headache a Cephalgia； it acquires dignity at once； and a patient
becomes rather proud of it。 So I think doctors are generally welcome
in most companies。
In old times； when people were more afraid of the Devil and of
witches than they are now； they liked to have a priest or a minister
somewhere near to scare 'em off； but nowadays； if you could find an
old woman that would ride round the room on a broomstick； Barnum
would build an amphitheatre to exhibit her in； and if he could come
across a young imp； with hoofs； tail； and budding horns； a lineal
descendant of one of those 〃daemons〃 which the good people of
Gloucester fired at； and were fired at by 〃for the best part of a
month together〃 in the year 1692； the； great showman would have him
at any cost for his museum or menagerie。 Men are cowards； sir； and
are driven by fear as the sovereign motive。 Men are idolaters； and
want something to look at and kiss and hug； or throw themselves down
before； they always did； they always will； and if you don't make it
of wood； you must make it of words； which are just as much used for
idols as promissory notes are used for values。 The ministers have a
hard time of it without bell and book and holy water； they are
dismounted men in armor since Luther cut their saddle…girths； and you
can see they are quietly taking off one piece of iron after another
until some of the best of 'em are fighting the devil （not the
zoological Devil with the big D） with the sword of the Spirit； and
precious little else in the way of weapons of offence or defence。
But we couldn't get on without the spiritual brotherhood； whatever
became of our special creeds。 There is a genius for religion； just
as there is for painting or sculpture。 It is half…sister to the
genius for music； and has some of the features which remind us of
earthly love。 But it lifts us all by its mere presence。 To see a
good man and hear his voice once a week would be reason enough for
building churches and pulpits。 The Master stopped all at once； and
after about half a minute laughed his pleasant laugh。
What is it？I asked him。
I was thinking of the great coach and team that is carrying us fast
enough； I don't know but too fast； somewhere or other。 The D。 D。's
used to be the leaders； but now they are the wheel…horses。 It's
pretty hard to tell how much they pull； but we know they can hold
back like the
When we're going down hill；I said； as neatly as if I had been a
High…Church curate trained to snap at the last word of the response；
so that you couldn't wedge in the tail of a comma between the end of
the congregation's closing syllable and the beginning of the next
petition。 They do it well； but it always spoils my devotion。 To
save my life； I can't help watching them； as I watch to see a duck
dive at the flash of a gun； and that is not what I go to church for。
It is a juggler's trick； and there is no more religion in it than in
catching a ball on the fly。
I was looking at our Scheherezade the other day； and thinking what a
pity it was that she had never had fair play in the world。 I wish I
knew more of her history。 There is one way of learning it；making
love to her。 I wonder whether she would let me and like it。 It is
an absurd thing； and I ought not to confess； but I tell you and you
only； Beloved； my heart gave a perceptible jump when it heard the
whisper of that possibility overhead！ Every day has its ebb and
flow； but such a thought as that is like one of those tidal waves
they talk about； that rolls in like a great wall and overtops and
drowns out all your landmarks； and you； too； if you don't mind what
you are about and stand ready to run or climb or swim。 Not quite so
bad as that； though； this time。 I take an interest in our
Scheherezade。 I am glad she did n't smile on the pipe and the
Boh