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appier times and hare this calamity fell upon me I made for my
amusement when I little thought that I should ever need it
excepting for my air this' … here the well…spoken young man put his
hand into his breast … 'this comb！ Sir I implore you in the name
of charity to purchase a tortoiseshell comb which is a genuine
article at any price that your humanity may put upon it and may the
blessings of a ouseless family awaiting with beating arts the
return of a husband and a father from Dover upon the cold stone
seats of London…bridge ever attend you Sir may I take the liberty
of speaking to you I implore you to buy this comb！' By this time；
being a reasonably good walker； you will have been too much for the
well…spoken young man； who will stop short and express his disgust
and his want of breath； in a long expectoration； as you leave him
behind。
Towards the end of the same walk； on the same bright summer day； at
the corner of the next little town or village； you may find another
kind of tramp； embodied in the persons of a most exemplary couple
whose only improvidence appears to have been； that they spent the
last of their little All on soap。 They are a man and woman；
spotless to behold … John Anderson； with the frost on his short
smock…frock instead of his 'pow；' attended by Mrs。 Anderson。 John
is over…ostentatious of the frost upon his raiment； and wears a
curious and； you would say； an almost unnecessary demonstration of
girdle of white linen wound about his waist … a girdle； snowy as
Mrs。 Anderson's apron。 This cleanliness was the expiring effort of
the respectable couple； and nothing then remained to Mr。 Anderson
but to get chalked upon his spade in snow…white copy…book
characters； HUNGRY！ and to sit down here。 Yes； one thing more
remained to Mr。 Anderson … his character； Monarchs could not
deprive him of his hard…earned character。 Accordingly； as you come
up with this spectacle of virtue in distress； Mrs。 Anderson rises；
and with a decent curtsey presents for your consideration a
certificate from a Doctor of Divinity； the reverend the Vicar of
Upper Dodgington； who informs his Christian friends and all whom it
may concern that the bearers； John Anderson and lawful wife； are
persons to whom you cannot be too liberal。 This benevolent pastor
omitted no work of his hands to fit the good couple out； for with
half an eye you can recognise his autograph on the spade。
Another class of tramp is a man； the most valuable part of whose
stock…in…trade is a highly perplexed demeanour。 He is got up like
a countryman； and you will often come upon the poor fellow； while
he is endeavouring to decipher the inscription on a milestone …
quite a fruitless endeavour； for he cannot read。 He asks your
pardon； he truly does （he is very slow of speech； this tramp； and
he looks in a bewildered way all round the prospect while he talks
to you）； but all of us shold do as we wold be done by； and he'll
take it kind； if you'll put a power man in the right road fur to
jine his eldest son as has broke his leg bad in the masoning； and
is in this heere Orspit'l as is wrote down by Squire Pouncerby's
own hand as wold not tell a lie fur no man。 He then produces from
under his dark frock （being always very slow and perplexed） a neat
but worn old leathern purse； from which he takes a scrap of paper。
On this scrap of paper is written； by Squire Pouncerby； of The
Grove； 'Please to direct the Bearer； a poor but very worthy man； to
the Sussex County Hospital； near Brighton' … a matter of some
difficulty at the moment； seeing that the request comes suddenly
upon you in the depths of Hertfordshire。 The more you endeavour to
indicate where Brighton is … when you have with the greatest
difficulty remembered … the less the devoted father can be made to
comprehend； and the more obtusely he stares at the prospect；
whereby； being reduced to extremity； you recommend the faithful
parent to begin by going to St。 Albans； and present him with half…
a…crown。 It does him good； no doubt； but scarcely helps him
forward； since you find him lying drunk that same evening in the
wheelwright's sawpit under the shed where the felled trees are；
opposite the sign of the Three Jolly Hedgers。
But； the most vicious； by far； of all the idle tramps； is the tramp
who pretends to have been a gentleman。 'Educated；' he writes； from
the village beer…shop in pale ink of a ferruginous complexion；
'educated at Trin。 Coll。 Cam。 … nursed in the lap of affluence …
once in my small way the pattron of the Muses；' &c。 &c。 &c。 …
surely a sympathetic mind will not withhold a trifle； to help him
on to the market…town where he thinks of giving a Lecture to the
FRUGES CONSUMERE NATI； on things in general？ This shameful
creature lolling about hedge tap…rooms in his ragged clothes； now
so far from being black that they look as if they never can have
been black； is more selfish and insolent than even the savage
tramp。 He would sponge on the poorest boy for a farthing； and
spurn him when he had got it； he would interpose （if he could get
anything by it） between the baby and the mother's breast。 So much
lower than the company he keeps； for his maudlin assumption of
being higher； this pitiless rascal blights the summer road as he
maunders on between the luxuriant hedges； where （to my thinking）
even the wild convolvulus and rose and sweet…briar； are the worse
for his going by； and need time to recover from the taint of him in
the air。
The young fellows who trudge along barefoot； five or six together；
their boots slung over their shoulders； their shabby bundles under
their arms； their sticks newly cut from some roadside wood； are not
eminently prepossessing； but are much less objectionable。 There is
a tramp…fellowship among them。 They pick one another up at resting
stations； and go on in companies。 They always go at a fast swing …
though they generally limp too … and there is invariably one of the
company who has much ado to keep up with the rest。 They generally
talk about horses； and any other means of locomotion than walking：
or； one of the company relates some recent experiences of the road
… which are always disputes and difficulties。 As for example。 'So
as I'm a standing at the pump in the market； blest if there don't
come up a Beadle； and he ses； 〃Mustn't stand here；〃 he ses。 〃Why
not？〃 I ses。 〃No beggars allowed in this town；〃 he ses。 〃Who's a
beggar？〃 I ses。 〃You are；〃 he ses。 〃Who ever see ME beg？ Did
YOU？〃 I ses。 〃Then you're a tramp；〃 he ses。 〃I'd rather be that
than a Beadle；〃 I ses。' （The company express great approval。）
'〃Would you？〃 he ses to me。 〃Yes； I would；〃 I ses to him。 〃Well；〃
he ses； 〃anyhow； get out of this town。〃 〃Why； blow your little
town！〃 I ses； 〃who wants to be in it？ Wot does your dirty little
town mean by comin' and stickin' itself in the road to anywhere？
Why don't you get a shovel and a barrer； and clear your town out o'
people's way？〃' （The company expressing the highest approval and
laughing aloud； they all go down the hill。）
Then； there are the tramp handicraft men。 Are they not all over
England； in this Midsummer time？ Where does the lark sing； the
corn grow； the mill turn； the river run； and they are not among the
lights and shadows； tinkering； chair…mending； umbrella…mending；
clock…mending； knife…grinding？ Surely； a pleasant thing； if we
were in that condition of life； to grind our way through Kent；
Sussex； and Surrey。 For the worst six weeks or so； we should see
the sparks we ground off； fiery bright against a background of
green wheat and green leaves。 A little later； and the ripe harvest
would pale our sparks from red to yellow； until we got the dark
newly…turned land for a background again； and they were red once
more。 By that time； we should have ground our way to the sea
cliffs； and the whirr of our wheel would be lost in the breaking of
the waves。 Our next variety in sparks would be derived from
contrast with the gorgeous medley of colours in the autumn woods；
and； by the time we had ground our way round to the heathy lands
between Reigate and Croydon； doing a prosperous stroke of business
all along； we should show like a little firework in the light
frosty air； and be the next best thing to the blacksmith's forge。
Very agreeable； too； to go on a chair…mending tour。 What judges we
should be of rushes； and how knowingly （with a sheaf and a
bottomless chair at our back） we should lounge on bridges； looking
over at osier…beds！ Among all the innumerable occupations that
cannot possibly be transacted without the assistance of lookers…on；
chair…mending may take a station in the first rank。 When we sat
down with our backs against the barn or the public…house； and began
to mend； what a sense of popularity would grow upon us！ When all
the children came to look at us； and the tailor； and the general
dealer； and the farmer who h