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and malicious with those members； or to be troubled with a similar
uneasiness in our elbows； attended with fistic consequences to our
neighbours； or to carry two pounds of lead in the chest； four
pounds in the head； and several active blue…bottles in each ear。
Yet； for certain； we suffered under those distresses； and were
always charged at for labouring under them； as if we had brought
them on； of our own deliberate act and deed。 As to the mental
portion of them being my own fault in my own case … I should like
to ask any well…trained and experienced teacher； not to say
psychologist。 And as to the physical portion … I should like to
ask PROFESSOR OWEN。'
It happened that I had a small bundle of papers with me； on what is
called 'The Half…Time System' in schools。 Referring to one of
those papers I found that the indefatigable MR。 CHADWICK had been
beforehand with me； and had already asked Professor Owen： who had
handsomely replied that I was not to blame； but that； being
troubled with a skeleton； and having been constituted according to
certain natural laws； I and my skeleton were unfortunately bound by
those laws even in school … and had comported ourselves
accordingly。 Much comforted by the good Professor's being on my
side； I read on to discover whether the indefatigable Mr。 Chadwick
had taken up the mental part of my afflictions。 I found that he
had； and that he had gained on my behalf； SIR BENJAMIN BRODIE； SIR
DAVID WILKIE； SIR WALTER SCOTT； and the common sense of mankind。
For which I beg Mr。 Chadwick； if this should meet his eye； to
accept my warm acknowledgments。
Up to that time I had retained a misgiving that the seventy
unfortunates of whom I was one； must have been； without knowing it；
leagued together by the spirit of evil in a sort of perpetual Guy
Fawkes Plot； to grope about in vaults with dark lanterns after a
certain period of continuous study。 But now the misgiving
vanished； and I floated on with a quieted mind to see the Half…Time
System in action。 For that was the purpose of my journey； both by
steamboat on the Thames； and by very dirty railway on the shore。
To which last institution； I beg to recommend the legal use of coke
as engine…fuel； rather than the illegal use of coal； the
recommendation is quite disinterested； for I was most liberally
supplied with small coal on the journey； for which no charge was
made。 I had not only my eyes； nose； and ears filled； but my hat；
and all my pockets； and my pocket…book； and my watch。
The V。D。S。C。R。C。 （or Very Dirty and Small Coal Railway Company）
delivered me close to my destination； and I soon found the Half…
Time System established in spacious premises； and freely placed at
my convenience and disposal。
What would I see first of the Half…Time System？ I chose Military
Drill。 'Atten…tion！' Instantly a hundred boys stood forth in the
paved yard as one boy； bright； quick； eager； steady； watchful for
the look of command； instant and ready for the word。 Not only was
there complete precision … complete accord to the eye and to the
ear … but an alertness in the doing of the thing which deprived it；
curiously； of its monotonous or mechanical character。 There was
perfect uniformity； and yet an individual spirit and emulation。 No
spectator could doubt that the boys liked it。 With non…
commissioned officers varying from a yard to a yard and a half
high； the result could not possibly have been attained otherwise。
They marched； and counter…marched； and formed in line and square；
and company； and single file and double file； and performed a
variety of evolutions； all most admirably。 In respect of an air of
enjoyable understanding of what they were about； which seems to be
forbidden to English soldiers； the boys might have been small
French troops。 When they were dismissed and the broadsword
exercise； limited to a much smaller number； succeeded； the boys who
had no part in that new drill； either looked on attentively； or
disported themselves in a gymnasium hard by。 The steadiness of the
broadsword boys on their short legs； and the firmness with which
they sustained the different positions； was truly remarkable。
The broadsword exercise over； suddenly there was great excitement
and a rush。 Naval Drill！
In the corner of the ground stood a decked mimic ship； with real
masts； yards； and sails … mainmast seventy feet high。 At the word
of command from the Skipper of this ship … a mahogany…faced Old
Salt； with the indispensable quid in his cheek； the true nautical
roll； and all wonderfully complete … the rigging was covered with a
swarm of boys： one； the first to spring into the shrouds；
outstripping all the others； and resting on the truck of the main…
topmast in no time。
And now we stood out to sea； in a most amazing manner； the Skipper
himself； the whole crew； the Uncommercial； and all hands present；
implicitly believing that there was not a moment to lose； that the
wind had that instant chopped round and sprung up fair； and that we
were away on a voyage round the world。 Get all sail upon her！
With a will； my lads！ Lay out upon the main…yard there！ Look
alive at the weather earring！ Cheery； my boys！ Let go the sheet；
now！ Stand by at the braces； you！ With a will； aloft there！
Belay； starboard watch！ Fifer！ Come aft； fifer； and give 'em a
tune！ Forthwith； springs up fifer； fife in hand … smallest boy
ever seen … big lump on temple； having lately fallen down on a
paving…stone … gives 'em a tune with all his might and main。 Hoo…
roar； fifer！ With a will； my lads！ Tip 'em a livelier one； fifer！
Fifer tips 'em a livelier one； and excitement increases。 Shake 'em
out； my lads！ Well done！ There you have her！ Pretty； pretty！
Every rag upon her she can carry； wind right astarn； and ship
cutting through the water fifteen knots an hour！
At this favourable moment of her voyage； I gave the alarm 'A man
overboard！' （on the gravel）； but he was immediately recovered； none
the worse。 Presently； I observed the Skipper overboard； but
forbore to mention it； as he seemed in no wise disconcerted by the
accident。 Indeed； I soon came to regard the Skipper as an
amphibious creature； for he was so perpetually plunging overboard
to look up at the hands aloft； that he was oftener in the bosom of
the ocean than on deck。 His pride in his crew on those occasions
was delightful； and the conventional unintelligibility of his
orders in the ears of uncommercial landlubbers and loblolly boys；
though they were always intelligible to the crew； was hardly less
pleasant。 But we couldn't expect to go on in this way for ever；
dirty weather came on； and then worse weather； and when we least
expected it we got into tremendous difficulties。 Screw loose in
the chart perhaps … something certainly wrong somewhere … but here
we were with breakers ahead； my lads； driving head on； slap on a
lee shore！ The Skipper broached this terrific announcement in such
great agitation； that the small fifer； not fifeing now； but
standing looking on near the wheel with his fife under his arm；
seemed for the moment quite unboyed； though he speedily recovered
his presence of mind。 In the trying circumstances that ensued； the
Skipper and the crew proved worthy of one another。 The Skipper got
dreadfully hoarse； but otherwise was master of the situation。 The
man at the wheel did wonders； all hands （except the fifer） were
turned up to wear ship； and I observed the fifer； when we were at
our greatest extremity； to refer to some document in his waistcoat…
pocket； which I conceived to be his will。 I think she struck。 I
was not myself conscious of any collision； but I saw the Skipper so
very often washed overboard and back again； that I could only
impute it to the beating of the ship。 I am not enough of a seaman
to describe the manoeuvres by which we were saved； but they made
the Skipper very hot （French polishing his mahogany face） and the
crew very nimble； and succeeded to a marvel； for； within a few
minutes of the first alarm； we had wore ship and got her off； and
were all a…tauto … which I felt very grateful for： not that I knew
what it was； but that I perceived that we had not been all a…tauto
lately。 Land now appeared on our weather…bow； and we shaped our
course for it； having the wind abeam； and frequently changing the
man at the helm； in order that every man might have his spell。 We
worked into harbour under prosperous circumstances； and furled our
sails； and squared our yards； and made all ship…shape and handsome；
and so our voyage ended。 When I complimented the Skipper at
parting on his exertions and those of his gallant crew； he informed
me that the latter were provided for the worst； all hands being
taught to swim and dive； and he added that the able seaman at the
main…topmast truck especially； could dive as deep as he could go
high。
The next adventure that befe