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cried and laughed and choked all at once。 The story was wrought
out with the help of a virtuous spinning…wheel in the beginning； a
vicious set of diamonds in the middle； and a rheumatic blessing
（which arrived by post） from Ma Mere towards the end； the whole
resulting in a small sword in the body of one of the stout
gentlemen imperfectly repressed by a belt； fifty thousand francs
per annum and a decoration to the other stout gentleman imperfectly
repressed by a belt； and an assurance from everybody to the
provincial young man that if he were not supremely happy … which he
seemed to have no reason whatever for being … he ought to be。 This
afforded him a final opportunity of crying and laughing and choking
all at once； and sent the audience home sentimentally delighted。
Audience more attentive or better behaved there could not possibly
be； though the places of second rank in the Theatre of the Family
P。 Salcy were sixpence each in English money； and the places of
first rank a shilling。 How the fifteen subjects ever got so fat
upon it； the kind Heavens know。
What gorgeous china figures of knights and ladies； gilded till they
gleamed again； I might have bought at the Fair for the garniture of
my home； if I had been a French…Flemish peasant； and had had the
money！ What shining coffee…cups and saucers I might have won at
the turntables； if I had had the luck！ Ravishing perfumery also；
and sweetmeats； I might have speculated in； or I might have fired
for prizes at a multitude of little dolls in niches； and might have
hit the doll of dolls； and won francs and fame。 Or； being a
French…Flemish youth； I might have been drawn in a hand…cart by my
compeers； to tilt for municipal rewards at the water…quintain；
which； unless I sent my lance clean through the ring； emptied a
full bucket over me； to fend off which； the competitors wore
grotesque old scarecrow hats。 Or； being French…Flemish man or
woman； boy or girl； I might have circled all night on my hobby…
horse in a stately cavalcade of hobby…horses four abreast；
interspersed with triumphal cars； going round and round and round
and round； we the goodly company singing a ceaseless chorus to the
music of the barrel…organ； drum； and cymbals。 On the whole； not
more monotonous than the Ring in Hyde Park； London； and much
merrier； for when do the circling company sing chorus； THERE； to
the barrel…organ； when do the ladies embrace their horses round the
neck with both arms； when do the gentlemen fan the ladies with the
tails of their gallant steeds？ On all these revolving delights；
and on their own especial lamps and Chinese lanterns revolving with
them； the thoughtful weaver…face brightens； and the Hotel de Ville
sheds an illuminated line of gaslight： while above it； the Eagle
of France； gas…outlined and apparently afflicted with the
prevailing infirmities that have lighted on the poultry； is in a
very undecided state of policy； and as a bird moulting。 Flags
flutter all around。 Such is the prevailing gaiety that the keeper
of the prison sits on the stone steps outside the prison…door； to
have a look at the world that is not locked up； while that
agreeable retreat； the wine…shop opposite to the prison in the
prison…alley （its sign La Tranquillite； because of its charming
situation）； resounds with the voices of the shepherds and
shepherdesses who resort there this festive night。 And it reminds
me that only this afternoon； I saw a shepherd in trouble； tending
this way； over the jagged stones of a neighbouring street。 A
magnificent sight it was； to behold him in his blouse； a feeble
little jog…trot rustic； swept along by the wind of two immense
gendarmes； in cocked…hats for which the street was hardly wide
enough； each carrying a bundle of stolen property that would not
have held his shoulder…knot； and clanking a sabre that dwarfed the
prisoner。
'Messieurs et Mesdames； I present to you at this Fair； as a mark of
my confidence in the people of this so…renowned town； and as an act
of homage to their good sense and fine taste； the Ventriloquist；
the Ventriloquist！ Further； Messieurs et Mesdames； I present to
you the Face…Maker； the Physiognomist； the great Changer of
Countenances； who transforms the features that Heaven has bestowed
upon him into an endless succession of surprising and extraordinary
visages； comprehending； Messieurs et Mesdames； all the contortions；
energetic and expressive； of which the human face is capable； and
all the passions of the human heart； as Love； Jealousy； Revenge；
Hatred； Avarice； Despair！ Hi hi！ Ho ho！ Lu lu！ Come in！' To
this effect； with an occasional smite upon a sonorous kind of
tambourine … bestowed with a will； as if it represented the people
who won't come in … holds forth a man of lofty and severe
demeanour； a man in stately uniform； gloomy with the knowledge he
possesses of the inner secrets of the booth。 'Come in； come in！
Your opportunity presents itself to…night； to…morrow it will be
gone for ever。 To…morrow morning by the Express Train the railroad
will reclaim the Ventriloquist and the Face…Maker！ Algeria will
reclaim the Ventriloquist and the Face…Maker！ Yes！ For the honour
of their country they have accepted propositions of a magnitude
incredible； to appear in Algeria。 See them for the last time
before their departure！ We go to commence on the instant。 Hi hi！
Ho ho！ Lu lu！ Come in！ Take the money that now ascends； Madame；
but after that； no more； for we commence！ Come in！'
Nevertheless； the eyes both of the gloomy Speaker and of Madame
receiving sous in a muslin bower； survey the crowd pretty sharply
after the ascending money has ascended； to detect any lingering
sous at the turning…point。 'Come in； come in！ Is there any more
money； Madame； on the point of ascending？ If so； we wait for it。
If not； we commence！' The orator looks back over his shoulder to
say it； lashing the spectators with the conviction that he beholds
through the folds of the drapery into which he is about to plunge；
the Ventriloquist and the Face…Maker。 Several sous burst out of
pockets； and ascend。 'Come up； then； Messieurs！' exclaims Madame
in a shrill voice； and beckoning with a bejewelled finger。 'Come
up！ This presses。 Monsieur has commanded that they commence！'
Monsieur dives into his Interior； and the last half…dozen of us
follow。 His Interior is comparatively severe； his Exterior also。
A true Temple of Art needs nothing but seats； drapery； a small
table with two moderator lamps hanging over it； and an ornamental
looking…glass let into the wall。 Monsieur in uniform gets behind
the table and surveys us with disdain； his forehead becoming
diabolically intellectual under the moderators。 'Messieurs et
Mesdames； I present to you the Ventriloquist。 He will commence
with the celebrated Experience of the bee in the window。 The bee；
apparently the veritable bee of Nature； will hover in the window；
and about the room。 He will be with difficulty caught in the hand
of Monsieur the Ventriloquist … he will escape … he will again
hover … at length he will be recaptured by Monsieur the
Ventriloquist； and will be with difficulty put into a bottle。
Achieve then； Monsieur！' Here the proprietor is replaced behind
the table by the Ventriloquist； who is thin and sallow； and of a
weakly aspect。 While the bee is in progress； Monsieur the
Proprietor sits apart on a stool； immersed in dark and remote
thought。 The moment the bee is bottled； he stalks forward； eyes us
gloomily as we applaud； and then announces； sternly waving his
hand： 'The magnificent Experience of the child with the whooping…
cough！' The child disposed of； he starts up as before。 'The
superb and extraordinary Experience of the dialogue between
Monsieur Tatambour in his dining…room； and his domestic； Jerome； in
the cellar； concluding with the songsters of the grove； and the
Concert of domestic Farm…yard animals。' All this done； and well
done； Monsieur the Ventriloquist withdraws； and Monsieur the Face…
Maker bursts in； as if his retiring…room were a mile long instead
of a yard。 A corpulent little man in a large white waistcoat； with
a comic countenance； and with a wig in his hand。 Irreverent
disposition to laugh； instantly checked by the tremendous gravity
of the Face…Maker； who intimates in his bow that if we expect that
sort of thing we are mistaken。 A very little shaving…glass with a
leg behind it is handed in； and placed on the table before the
Face…Maker。 'Messieurs et Mesdames； with no other assistance than
this mirror and this wig； I shall have the honour of showing you a
thousand characters。' As a preparation； the Face…Maker with both
hands gouges himself； and turns his mouth inside out。 He then
becomes frightfully grave again； and says to the Proprietor； 'I am
ready！' Proprietor stalks forth from baleful reverie； and
announces 'The Young Conscript！' Face…Maker c