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The clause was handed in； and more conference resulted。 After
which I was asked the extraordinary question： 'Mr。 Uncommercial；
do you really wish this girl to be sent to prison？' To which I
grimly answered； staring： 'If I didn't； why should I take the
trouble to come here？' Finally； I was sworn； and gave my agreeable
evidence in detail； and White Riding Hood was fined ten shillings；
under the clause； or sent to prison for so many days。 'Why； Lord
bless you； sir；' said the Police…officer； who showed me out； with a
great enjoyment of the jest of her having been got up so
effectively； and caused so much hesitation： 'if she goes to
prison； that will be nothing new to HER。 She comes from Charles
Street； Drury Lane！'
The Police； all things considered； are an excellent force； and I
have borne my small testimony to their merits。 Constabular
contemplation is the result of a bad system； a system which is
administered； not invented； by the man in constable's uniform；
employed at twenty shillings a week。 He has his orders； and would
be marked for discouragement if he overstepped them。 That the
system is bad； there needs no lengthened argument to prove； because
the fact is self…evident。 If it were anything else； the results
that have attended it could not possibly have come to pass。 Who
will say that under a good system； our streets could have got into
their present state？
The objection to the whole Police system； as concerning the
Ruffian； may be stated； and its failure exemplified； as follows。
It is well known that on all great occasions； when they come
together in numbers； the mass of the English people are their own
trustworthy Police。 It is well known that wheresoever there is
collected together any fair general representation of the people； a
respect for law and order； and a determination to discountenance
lawlessness and disorder； may be relied upon。 As to one another；
the people are a very good Police； and yet are quite willing in
their good…nature that the stipendiary Police should have the
credit of the people's moderation。 But we are all of us powerless
against the Ruffian； because we submit to the law； and it is his
only trade； by superior force and by violence； to defy it。
Moreover； we are constantly admonished from high places （like so
many Sunday…school children out for a holiday of buns and milk…and…
water） that we are not to take the law into our own hands； but are
to hand our defence over to it。 It is clear that the common enemy
to be punished and exterminated first of all is the Ruffian。 It is
clear that he is； of all others； THE offender for whose repressal
we maintain a costly system of Police。 Him； therefore； we
expressly present to the Police to deal with； conscious that； on
the whole； we can； and do； deal reasonably well with one another。
Him the Police deal with so inefficiently and absurdly that he
flourishes； and multiplies； and； with all his evil deeds upon his
head as notoriously as his hat is； pervades the streets with no
more let or hindrance than ourselves。
CHAPTER XXXI … ABOARD SHIP
My journeys as Uncommercial Traveller for the firm of Human…
Interest Brothers have not slackened since I last reported of them；
but have kept me continually on the move。 I remain in the same
idle employment。 I never solicit an order； I never get any
commission； I am the rolling stone that gathers no moss； … unless
any should by chance be found among these samples。
Some half a year ago； I found myself in my idlest； dreamiest； and
least accountable condition altogether； on board ship； in the
harbour of the city of New York； in the United States of America。
Of all the good ships afloat； mine was the good steamship 'RUSSIA；'
CAPT。 COOK； Cunard Line； bound for Liverpool。 What more could I
wish for？
I had nothing to wish for but a prosperous passage。 My salad…days；
when I was green of visage and sea…sick； being gone with better
things （and no worse）； no coming event cast its shadow before。
I might but a few moments previously have imitated Sterne； and
said； '〃And yet； methinks； Eugenius；〃 … laying my forefinger
wistfully on his coat…sleeve； thus； … 〃and yet； methinks； Eugenius；
'tis but sorry work to part with thee； for what fresh fields； 。 。 。
my dear Eugenius； 。 。 。 can be fresher than thou art； and in what
pastures new shall I find Eliza； or call her； Eugenius； if thou
wilt； Annie？〃' … I say I might have done this； but Eugenius was
gone； and I hadn't done it。
I was resting on a skylight on the hurricane…deck； watching the
working of the ship very slowly about； that she might head for
England。 It was high noon on a most brilliant day in April； and
the beautiful bay was glorious and glowing。 Full many a time； on
shore there； had I seen the snow come down； down； down （itself like
down）； until it lay deep in all the ways of men； and particularly；
as it seemed； in my way； for I had not gone dry…shod many hours for
months。 Within two or three days last past had I watched the
feathery fall setting in with the ardour of a new idea； instead of
dragging at the skirts of a worn…out winter； and permitting
glimpses of a fresh young spring。 But a bright sun and a clear sky
had melted the snow in the great crucible of nature； and it had
been poured out again that morning over sea and land； transformed
into myriads of gold and silver sparkles。
The ship was fragrant with flowers。 Something of the old Mexican
passion for flowers may have gradually passed into North America；
where flowers are luxuriously grown； and tastefully combined in the
richest profusion； but； be that as it may； such gorgeous farewells
in flowers had come on board； that the small officer's cabin on
deck； which I tenanted； bloomed over into the adjacent scuppers；
and banks of other flowers that it couldn't hold made a garden of
the unoccupied tables in the passengers' saloon。 These delicious
scents of the shore； mingling with the fresh airs of the sea； made
the atmosphere a dreamy； an enchanting one。 And so； with the watch
aloft setting all the sails； and with the screw below revolving at
a mighty rate； and occasionally giving the ship an angry shake for
resisting； I fell into my idlest ways； and lost myself。
As； for instance； whether it was I lying there； or some other
entity even more mysterious； was a matter I was far too lazy to
look into。 What did it signify to me if it were I？ or to the more
mysterious entity； if it were he？ Equally as to the remembrances
that drowsily floated by me； or by him； why ask when or where the
things happened？ Was it not enough that they befell at some time；
somewhere？
There was that assisting at the church service on board another
steamship； one Sunday； in a stiff breeze。 Perhaps on the passage
out。 No matter。 Pleasant to hear the ship's bells go as like
church…bells as they could； pleasant to see the watch off duty
mustered and come in： best hats； best Guernseys； washed hands and
faces； smoothed heads。 But then arose a set of circumstances so
rampantly comical； that no check which the gravest intentions could
put upon them would hold them in hand。 Thus the scene。 Some
seventy passengers assembled at the saloon tables。 Prayer…books on
tables。 Ship rolling heavily。 Pause。 No minister。 Rumour has
related that a modest young clergyman on board has responded to the
captain's request that he will officiate。 Pause again； and very
heavy rolling。
Closed double doors suddenly burst open； and two strong stewards
skate in； supporting minister between them。 General appearance as
of somebody picked up drunk and incapable； and under conveyance to
station…house。 Stoppage； pause； and particularly heavy rolling。
Stewards watch their opportunity； and balance themselves； but
cannot balance minister； who； struggling with a drooping head and a
backward tendency； seems determined to return below； while they are
as determined that he shall be got to the reading…desk in mid…
saloon。 Desk portable； sliding away down a long table； and aiming
itself at the breasts of various members of the congregation。 Here
the double doors； which have been carefully closed by other
stewards； fly open again； and worldly passenger tumbles in；
seemingly with pale…ale designs： who； seeking friend； says 'Joe！'
Perceiving incongruity； says； 'Hullo！ Beg yer pardon！' and tumbles
out again。 All this time the congregation have been breaking up
into sects； … as the manner of congregations often is； each sect
sliding away by itself； and all pounding the weakest sect which
slid first into the corner。 Utmost point of dissent soon attained
in every corner； and violent rolling。 Stewards at length make a
dash； conduct minister to the mast in the centre of the saloon；
which he embraces with both arms； skate out； and leave him in that
condition to arrange affairs with flock。
T