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a personal record-第5章

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trip。  It may be that it was simply the fulfilment of a fate; of



that written word on my forehead which apparently for bade me;



through all my sea wanderings; ever to achieve the crossing of



the Western Oceanusing the words in that special sense in which



sailors speak of Western Ocean trade; of Western Ocean packets;



of Western Ocean hard cases。  The new life attended closely upon



the old; and the nine chapters of 〃Almayer's Folly〃 went with me



to the Victoria Dock; whence in a few days we started for Rouen。 



I won't go so far as saying that the engaging of a man fated



never to cross the Western Ocean was the absolute cause of the



Franco…Canadian Transport Company's failure to achieve even a



single passage。  It might have been that of course; but the



obvious; gross obstacle was clearly the want of money。  Four



hundred and sixty bunks for emigrants were put together in the



'tween decks by industrious carpenters while we lay in the



Victoria Dock; but never an emigrant turned up in Rouenof



which; being a humane person; I confess I was glad。  Some



gentlemen from ParisI think there were three of them; and one



was said to be the chairmanturned up; indeed; and went from end



to end of the ship; knocking their silk hats cruelly against the



deck beams。  I attended them personally; and I can vouch for it



that the interest they took in things was intelligent enough;



though; obviously; they had never seen anything of the sort



before。  Their faces as they went ashore wore a cheerfully



inconclusive expression。  Notwithstanding that this inspecting



ceremony was supposed to be a preliminary to immediate sailing;



it was then; as they filed down our gangway; that I received the



inward monition that no sailing within the meaning of our charter



party would ever take place。







It must be said that in less than three weeks a move took place。 



When we first arrived we had been taken up with much ceremony



well toward the centre of the town; and; all the street corners



being placarded with the tricolor posters announcing the birth of



our company; the petit bourgeois with his wife and family made a



Sunday holiday from the inspection of the ship。  I was always in



evidence in my best uniform to give information as though I had



been a Cook's tourists' interpreter; while our quartermasters



reaped a harvest of small change from personally conducted



parties。  But when the move was madethat move which carried us



some mile and a half down the stream to be tied up to an



altogether muddier and shabbier quaythen indeed the desolation



of solitude became our lot。  It was a complete and soundless



stagnation; for as we had the ship ready for sea to the smallest



detail; as the frost was hard and the days short; we were



absolutely idleidle to the point of blushing with shame when



the thought struck us that all the time our salaries went on。 



Young Cole was aggrieved because; as he said; we could not enjoy



any sort of fun in the evening after loafing like this all day;



even the banjo lost its charm since there was nothing to prevent



his strumming on it all the time between the meals。  The good



Paramorhe was really a most excellent fellowbecame unhappy as



far as was possible to his cheery nature; till one dreary day I



suggested; out of sheer mischief; that he should employ the



dormant energies of the crew in hauling both cables up on deck



and turning them end for end。







For a moment Mr。 Paramor was radiant。 〃Excellent idea!〃 but



directly his face fell。  〃Why 。 。 。  Yes!  But we can't make that



job last more than three days;〃 he muttered; discontentedly。  I



don't know how long he expected us to be stuck on the riverside



outskirts of Rouen; but I know that the cables got hauled up and



turned end for end according to my satanic suggestion; put down



again; and their very existence utterly forgotten; I believe;



before a French river pilot came on board to take our ship down;



empty as she came; into the Havre roads。  You may think that this



state of forced idleness favoured some advance in the fortunes of



Almayer and his daughter。  Yet it was not so。  As if it were some



sort of evil spell; my banjoist cabin mate's interruption; as



related above; had arrested them short at the point of that



fateful sunset for many weeks together。  It was always thus with



this book; begun in '89 and finished in '94with that shortest



of all the novels which it was to be my lot to write。  Between



its opening exclamation calling Almayer to his dinner in his



wife's voice and Abdullah's (his enemy) mental reference to the



God of Islam〃The Merciful; the Compassionate〃which closes the



book; there were to come several long sea passages; a visit (to



use the elevated phraseology suitable to the occasion) to the



scenes (some of them) of my childhood and the realization of



childhood's vain words; expressing a light…hearted and romantic



whim。







It was in 1868; when nine years old or thereabouts; that while



looking at a map of Africa of the time and putting my finger on



the blank space then representing the unsolved mystery of that



continent; I said to myself; with absolute assurance and an



amazing audacity which are no longer in my character now:







〃When I grow up I shall go THERE。〃







And of course I thought no more about it till after a quarter of



a century or so an opportunity offered to go thereas if the sin



of childish audacity were to be visited on my mature head。  Yes。 



I did go there: THERE being the region of Stanley Falls; which in



'68 was the blankest of blank spaces on the earth's figured



surface。  And the MS。 of 〃Almayer's Folly;〃 carried about me as



if it were a talisman or a treasure; went THERE; too。 That it



ever came out of THERE seems a special dispensation of



Providence; because a good many of my other properties;



infinitely more valuable and useful to me; remained behind



through unfortunate accidents of transportation。  I call to mind;



for instance; a specially awkward turn of the Congo between



Kinchassa and Leopoldsvillemore particularly when one had to



take it at night in a big canoe with only half the proper number



of paddlers。  I failed in being the second white man on record



drowned at that interesting spot through the upsetting of a



canoe。  The first was a young Belgian officer; but the accident



happened some months before my time; and he; too; I believe; was



going home; not perhaps quite so ill as myselfbut still he was



going home。  I got round the turn more or less alive; though I



was too sick to care whether I did or not; and; always with



〃Almayer's Folly〃 among my diminishing baggage; I arrived at that



delectable capital; Boma; where; before the departure of the



steamer which was to take me home; I had the time to wish myself



dead over and over again with perfect sincerity。  At that date



there were in existence only seven chapters of 〃Almayer's Folly;〃



but the chapter in my history which followed was that of a long;



long illness and very dismal convalescence。  Geneva; or more



precisely the hydropathic establishment of Champel; is rendered



forever famous by the termination of the eighth chapter in the



history of Almayer's decline and fall。  The events of the ninth



are inextricably mixed up with the details of the proper



management of a waterside warehouse owned by a certain city firm



whose name does not matter。  But that work; undertaken to



accustom myself again to the activities of a healthy existence;



soon came to an end。  The earth had nothing to hold me with for



very long。  And then that memorable story; like a cask of choice



Madeira; got carried for three years to and fro upon the sea。 



Whether this treatment improved its flavour or not; of course I



would not like to say。  As far as appearance is concerned it



certainly did nothing of the kind。  The whole MS。 acquired a



faded look and an ancient; yellowish complexion。  It became at



last unreasonable to suppose that anything in the world would



ever happen to Almayer and Nina。  And yet something most unlikely



to happen on the high seas was to wake them up from their state



of suspended animation。







What is it that Novalis says: 〃It is certain my conviction gains



infinitely the moment an other soul will believe in it。〃  And



what is a novel if not a conviction of our fellow…men's existence



strong enough to take upon itself a form of imagined life clearer



than reality and whose 
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