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respectthat's something nowadays。 And you make them do it？〃
〃Our laws are unflinching in their application；〃 I said。 〃No crime
is held to be more detestable than disrespect of those to whom we owe
our existence。〃
〃Quite right；〃 he agreed； 〃it's a pleasure to hear it。 It must be a
great country； yours； a country with a future； I should say。 Now；
about that youngest lad of my son Henry'sthe one that drops pet
lizards down my neck； and threatened to put rat poison into his
mother's tea when she wouldn't take him to the Military Turneyment；
what would they do to him by your laws？〃
〃If the assertion were well sustained by competent witnesses；〃 I
replied； 〃it would probably be judged so execrable an offence； that a
new punishment would have to be contrived。 Failing that； he would
certainly be wrapped round from head to foot in red…hot chains； and
thus exposed to public derision。〃
〃Ah； red…hot chains！〃 said the aged person； as though the words formed
a pleasurable taste upon his palate。 〃The young beggar！ Well； he'd
deserve it。〃
〃Furthermore；〃 I continued； gratified at having found one who so
intelligently appreciated the deficiencies of his own country and the
unblemished perfection of ours； 〃his parents and immediate
descendants； if any should exist； would be submitted to a fate as
inevitable but slightly less contemptuousslow compression；
perchance； his parents once removed （thus enclosing your venerable
personality）； and remoter offsprings would be merely put to the sword
without further ignominy； and those of less kinship to about the
fourth degree would doubtless escape with branding and a reprimand。〃
〃Lordelpus！〃 exclaimed the patriarchal one； hastily leaping to the
extreme limit of the wooden couch； and grasping his staff into a
significant attitude of defence； 〃what's that for？〃
〃Our system of justice is all…embracing；〃 I explained。 〃It is
reasonably held that in such a case either that there is an inherent
strain of criminality which must be eradicated at all hazard； or else
that those who are responsible for the virtuous instruction of the
young have been grossly neglectful of their duty。 Whichever is the
true cause； by this unfailing method we reach the desired end； for； as
our proverb aptly says； 'Do the wise pluck the weed and leave the
roots to spread？'〃
〃It's butchery； nothing short of Smithfield；〃 said the ancient person
definitely； rising and moving to a more remote distance as he spoke
the words； yet never for a moment relaxing the aggressive angle at
which he thrust out his staff before him。 〃You're a bloodthirsty race
in my opinion； and when they get this door open in China that there's
so much talk about； out you go through it； my lad； or old England will
know why。〃 With this narrow…minded imprecation on his lips he left me；
not even permitting me to continue expounding what would be the most
likely sentences meted out to the witnesses in the case； the dwellers
of the same street； and the members of the household with whom the
youth in question had contemplated forming an alliance。
Among the many contradictions which really almost seem purposely
arranged to entrap the unwary in this strangely under…side…up country；
is the fact that while the ennobled and those of high official rank
are courteous in their attitude and urbanefrequently even to the
extent of refusing money from those whom they have obliged； no matter
how privately pressed upon themthe low…caste and slavish are not
only deficient in obsequiousness； but are permitted to retort openly
to those who address them with fitting dignity。 Here such a state of
things is too general to excite remark； but as instances are well
called the flowers of the tree of assertion； this person will set
forth the manner in which he was contumaciously opposed by an
oblique…eyed outcast who attended within the stall of one selling
wrought gold； jewels； and merchandise of the finer sort。
Being desirous of procuring a gift wherewith to propitiate a certain
maiden's esteem； and seeing above a shop of varied attraction a
suspended sign emblematic of three times repeated gild abundance I
drew near； not doubting to find beneath so auspicious a token the
fulfilment of an honourable accommodation。 Inside the window was
displayed one of the implements by which the various details of a
garment are joined together upon turning a wheel； hung about with
an inscription setting forth that it was esteemed at the price of two
units of gold； nineteen pieces of silver； and eleven and
three…quarters of the brass cash of the land； and judging that no more
suitable object could be procured for the purpose； I entered the shop；
and desired the attending slave to submit it to my closer scrutiny。
〃Behold；〃 I exclaimed； when I had made a feint of setting the device
into motion （for it need not be concealed from you； O discreet one；
that I was really inadequate to the attempt； and； indeed； narrowly
escaped impaling myself upon its sudden and unexpected protrusions）；
〃the highly…burnished surface of your dexterously arranged window gave
to this engine a rich attractiveness which is altogether lacking at a
closer examination。 Nevertheless； this person will not recede from a
perhaps too impulsive offer of one unit of gold； three pieces of
silver； and four and a half brass cash；〃 my object； of course； being
that after the mutual recrimination of disparagement and over…praise
we should in the length of an hour or two reach a becoming compromise
in the middle distance。
〃Well；〃 responded the menial one； regarding me with an expression in
which he did not even attempt to subdue the baser emotions； 〃you HAVE
come a long way for nothing〃； and he made a pretence of wishing to
replace the object。
〃Yet；〃 I continued； 〃observe with calm impartiality how insidiously
the rust has assailed the outer polish of the lacquer； perceive here
upon the beneath part of wood the ineffaceable depression of a
deeply…pointed blow； note well the〃
〃It was good enough for you to want me to muck up out of the window；
wasn't it？〃 demanded the obstinate barbarian； becoming passionate in
his bearing rather than reluctantly； but with courteous grace；
lessening the price to a trifling degree； as we regard the proper way
of carrying on the enterprise。
〃It is well said；〃 I admitted； hoping that he might yet learn wisdom
from my attitude of unruffled urbanity； though I feared that his angle
of negotiating was unconquerably opposed to mine； 〃but now its many
imperfections are revealed。 The inelegance of its outline； the
grossness of the applied colours； the unlucky combination of numbers
engraved upon this plate； the〃
〃Damme！〃 cried the utterly perverse rebel standing opposite； 〃why
don't you keep on your Compound； you Yellow Peril？ Who asked you to
come into my shop to blackguard the things？ Come now； who did？〃
〃Assuredly it is your place of commerce；〃 I replied cheerfully；
preparing to bring forward an argument； which in our country never
fails to shake the most stubborn； 〃yet bend your eyes to the fact that
at no great distance away there stands another and a more alluring
stall of merchandise where〃
〃Go to it then！〃 screamed the abandoned outcast； leaping over his
counter and shouting aloud in a frenzy of uncontrollable rage。 〃Clear
out； or I'll bend my feet〃 but concluding at this point that some
private calumny from which he was doubtless suffering was disturbing
his mind to so great an extent that there was little likelihood of our
bringing the transaction to a profitable end； I left the shop
immediately but with befitting dignity。
With a fell…founded assurance that you will now be acquiring a really
precise and bird's…eye…like insight into practically all phases of
this country。
KONG HO。
LETTER VIII
Concerning the wisdom of the sublime Wei Chung and its
application to the ordinary problems of existence。 The meeting
of three； hitherto unknown to each other； about a wayside inn；
and their various manners of conducting the enterprise。
VENERATED SIRE；You will doubtless remember the behaviour of the aged
philosopher Wei Chung； when commanded by the broad…minded emperor of
his time to reveal the hidden sources of his il