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one； shielded by the sanctity of his life and rendered inviolable by
the nature of his garmentshis sandals alone being capable of
overturning any demon from his path should it encounter themboldly
steps forth into the road and holds out before him certain sacred
emblems。 So powerful are these that at the sight the unlawful demon
confesses itself vanquished； and although its whole body trembles with
ill…contained rage； and the air around is poisoned by its
discreditable exhalation； it is devoid of further resistance。 Those in
the chariot are thereupon commanded to dismiss it； and being bound in
chains they are led into the presence of certain lesser mandarins who
administer justice from a raised dais。
〃Behold！〃 exclaims the chief of the captors； when the prisoners have
been placed in obsequious attitudes before the lesser mandarins； 〃thus
the matter chanced： The honourable Wang； although disguised under the
semblance of an applewoman； had discreetly concealed himself by the
roadside； all but his head being underneath a stream of stagnant
water； when； at the eighth hour of the morning； he beheld these
repulsive outcasts approaching in their chariot； carried forward by
the diabolical vigour of the unlawful demon。 Although I had stationed
myself several li distant from the accomplished Wang； the chariot
reached me in less than a breathing space of time； those inside
assuming their fiercest and most aggressive attitudes； and as they
came repeatedly urging the demon to increased exertions。 Their speed
exceeded that of the swallow in his hymeneal flight； all shrubs and
flowers by the wayside withered incapably at the demon's contaminating
glance； running water ceased to flow； and the road itself was scorched
at their passage； the earth emitting a dull bluish flame。 These facts；
and the times and the distances； this person has further inscribed in
a book which thus disposes of all possible defence。 Therefore； O
lesser mandarins； let justice be accomplished heavily and without
delay； for； as the proverb truly says； 'The fiercer the flame the more
useless the struggles of the victim。'〃
At this point the prisoners frequently endeavour to make themselves
heard； protesting that in the distance between the concealed Wang and
the one who stands accusing them they had thrice stopped to repair
their innermost details； had leisurely partaken of food and wine； and
had also been overtaken； struck； and delayed by a funeral procession。
But so great is the execration in which these persons are held； that
although murderers by stealth； outlaws； snatchers from the body； and
companies of men who by strategy make a smaller sum of money appear to
be larger； can all freely testify their innocence； raisers of this
unlawful demon must not do so； and they are beaten on the head with
chains until they desist。
Then the lesser mandarins； raising their voices in unison； exclaim；
‘The amiable Tsay…hi has reported the matter in a discreet and
impartial spirit。 Hear our pronouncement： These raisers of illegal
spirits shall each contribute ten taels of gold； which shall be
expended in joss…sticks； in purifying the road which they have
scorched； and in alleviating the distress of the poor and virtuous of
both sexes。 The praiseworthy Tsay…hi； moreover； shall embroider upon
his sleeve an honourable sign in remembrance of the event。 Let drums
now be beat； and our verdict loudly proclaimed throughout the
province。〃
These things； O my illustrious father （although on account of my
contemptible deficiencies of style much may seem improbable to your
all…knowing mind）； these things I write with an unbending brush； for I
set down only that which I have myself seen； or read in their own
printed records。 Doubtless it will occur to one of your preternatural
intelligence that our own system of administering justice； whereby the
person who can hire the greater number of witnesses is reasonably held
to be in the right； although perhaps not absolutely infallible； is in
every way more convenient； but； as it is well said； 〃To the blind；
night is as acceptable as day。〃
Henceforth you will have no hesitation in letting it be known
throughout Yuen…ping that these foreign barbarians do possess secret
demons； in spite of their denials。 Doubtless I shall presently
discover others no less powerful。
With honourable distinction this person has at length grasped the
essential details of the spoken language herenot sufficiently well；
indeed； to make himself understood on most occasions； or even to
understand others； but enough to perceive clearly when he fails to
become intelligible or when they experience a like difficulty with
him。 Upon an earlier occasion； before he had made so much progress；
being one day left to his own resources； and feeling an internal lack；
he entered what appeared to be a tea…shop of reputable demeanour； and；
seating himself at one of the little marble tables； he freely
pronounced the carefully…learned word 〃rice〃 to the attending nymph。
To put aside all details of preparation （into which； indeed； this
person could not enter） he waved his hand gracefully； at the same time
smiling with an expression of tolerant acquiescence； as of one who
would say that what was good enough to be cooked and offered by so
entrancing a maiden was good enough to be eaten by him。 After
remaining in unruffled tranquillity for the full portion of an hour；
and observing that no other person around had to wait above half that
period； this one began to perceive that the enterprise was not likely
to terminate in a manner satisfactory to himself； so that； leaving
this place with a few well…chosen phrases of intolerable regret in his
own tongue； he entered another； and conducted himself in a like
fashion。 。 。 。 Towards evening； with an unperturbed exterior； but
materially afflicted elsewhere； this person seated himself within the
eleventh tea…shop； and； pointing first towards his own constituents of
digestion； then at the fire； and lastly in an upward direction；
thereby signified to any not of stunted intellect that he had reached
such a condition of mind and body that he was ready to consume
whatever the ruling deities were willing to allot； whether boiled；
baked； roast； or suspended from a skewer。 In this resolve nothing
would move him； untilafter many maidens had approached with
outstretched hands and gestures of despairthere presently entered a
person wearing the helmet of a warrior and the manner of a high
official； who spoke strongly； yet persuasively； of the virtues of
immediate movement and a quiet and reposeful bearing。
Assuredly a people who devote so little attention to the study of
food； and all matters connected with it； must inevitably remain
barbaric； however skilfully they may feign a superficial refinement。
It is said； although I do not commit this matter to my own brush； that
among them are more books composed on subjects which have no actual
existence than on cooking； and； incredible as it may appear； to be
exceptionally round…bodied confers no public honour upon the
individual。 Should a favourable occasion present itself； there are
many who do not scruple to jest upon the subject of food； or； what is
incalculably more depraved； upon the scarcity of it。
Nevertheless； there are exceptions of a highly distinguished radiance。
Among these must be accounted one into whose presence this person was
recently led by our polished and harmonious friend Quang…Tsun； the
merchant in tea and spices。 This versatile person； whose business…name
is spoken of as Jones Bob…Jones； is worthy of all benignant respect；
and in a really enlightened country would doubtless be raised to a
more exalted position than that of a breaker of outsides （an
occupation difficult to express adequately in the written language of
a country where it is unknown）； for his face is like the sun setting
in the time of harvest； his waist garment excessive； and the undoubted
symmetry of his middle portions honourable in the extreme。 So welcome
in my eyes； after witnessing an unending stream of concave and
attenuated barbarian ghosts； was the sight of these perfections of
Jones Bob…Jones； that instead of the formal greeting of this
Islandthe unmeaning 〃How do you do it？〃I shook hands cordially
with myself； and exclaimed affectionately in our own language；
〃Illimitable felicities！ How is your stomach？〃