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should be forced to lock him in a garret； and what with his whining
jealousies and his foible for falsehood； in a year's time he would
have gone far to weary out our love。 I was about to compare him to
Sir Willoughby Patterne； but the Patternes have a manlier sense of
their own merits； and the parallel； besides； is ready。 Hans
Christian Andersen； as we behold him in his startling memoirs；
thrilling from top to toe with an excruciating vanity； and scouting
even along the street for shadows of offence … here was the talking
dog。
It is just this rage for consideration that has betrayed the dog
into his satellite position as the friend of man。 The cat； an
animal of franker appetites； preserves his independence。 But the
dog； with one eye ever on the audience； has been wheedled into
slavery； and praised and patted into the renunciation of his
nature。 Once he ceased hunting and became man's plate…licker； the
Rubicon was crossed。 Thenceforth he was a gentleman of leisure；
and except the few whom we keep working； the whole race grew more
and more self…conscious； mannered and affected。 The number of
things that a small dog does naturally is strangely small。
Enjoying better spirits and not crushed under material cares； he is
far more theatrical than average man。 His whole life； if he be a
dog of any pretension to gallantry； is spent in a vain show； and in
the hot pursuit of admiration。 Take out your puppy for a walk； and
you will find the little ball of fur clumsy； stupid； bewildered；
but natural。 Let but a few months pass； and when you repeat the
process you will find nature buried in convention。 He will do
nothing plainly； but the simplest processes of our material life
will all be bent into the forms of an elaborate and mysterious
etiquette。 Instinct； says the fool； has awakened。 But it is not
so。 Some dogs … some； at the very least … if they be kept separate
from others； remain quite natural； and these； when at length they
meet with a companion of experience； and have the game explained to
them； distinguish themselves by the severity of their devotion to
its rules。 I wish I were allowed to tell a story which would
radiantly illuminate the point； but men； like dogs； have an
elaborate and mysterious etiquette。 It is their bond of sympathy
that both are the children of convention。
The person； man or dog； who has a conscience is eternally condemned
to some degree of humbug； the sense of the law in their members
fatally precipitates either towards a frozen and affected bearing。
And the converse is true； and in the elaborate and conscious
manners of the dog； moral opinions and the love of the ideal stand
confessed。 To follow for ten minutes in the street some
swaggering； canine cavalier； is to receive a lesson in dramatic art
and the cultured conduct of the body； in every act and gesture you
see him true to a refined conception； and the dullest cur；
beholding him； pricks up his ear and proceeds to imitate and parody
that charming ease。 For to be a high…mannered and high…minded
gentleman； careless； affable； and gay； is the inborn pretension of
the dog。 The large dog； so much lazier； so much more weighed upon
with matter； so majestic in repose； so beautiful in effort； is born
with the dramatic means to wholly represent the part。 And it is
more pathetic and perhaps more instructive to consider the small
dog in his conscientious and imperfect efforts to outdo Sir Philip
Sidney。 For the ideal of the dog is feudal and religious； the
ever…present polytheism； the whip…bearing Olympus of mankind； rules
them on the one hand； on the other； their singular difference of
size and strength among themselves effectually prevents the
appearance of the democratic notion。 Or we might more exactly
compare their society to the curious spectacle presented by a
school … ushers； monitors； and big and little boys … qualified by
one circumstance； the introduction of the other sex。 In each； we
should observe a somewhat similar tension of manner； and somewhat
similar points of honour。 In each the larger animal keeps a
contemptuous good humour； in each the smaller annoys him with wasp…
like impudence； certain of practical immunity； in each we shall
find a double life producing double characters； and an excursive
and noisy heroism combined with a fair amount of practical
timidity。 I have known dogs； and I have known school heroes that；
set aside the fur； could hardly have been told apart； and if we
desire to understand the chivalry of old； we must turn to the
school playfields or the dungheap where the dogs are trooping。
Woman； with the dog； has been long enfranchised。 Incessant
massacre of female innocents has changed the proportions of the
sexes and perverted their relations。 Thus； when we regard the
manners of the dog； we see a romantic and monogamous animal； once
perhaps as delicate as the cat； at war with impossible conditions。
Man has much to answer for； and the part he plays is yet more
damnable and parlous than Corin's in the eyes of Touchstone。 But
his intervention has at least created an imperial situation for the
rare surviving ladies。 In that society they reign without a rival：
conscious queens； and in the only instance of a canine wife…beater
that has ever fallen under my notice； the criminal was somewhat
excused by the circumstances of his story。 He is a little； very
alert； well…bred； intelligent Skye； as black as a hat； with a wet
bramble for a nose and two cairngorms for eyes。 To the human
observer； he is decidedly well…looking； but to the ladies of his
race he seems abhorrent。 A thorough elaborate gentleman； of the
plume and sword…knot order； he was born with a nice sense of
gallantry to women。 He took at their hands the most outrageous
treatment； I have heard him bleating like a sheep； I have seen him
streaming blood； and his ear tattered like a regimental banner； and
yet he would scorn to make reprisals。 Nay more； when a human lady
upraised the contumelious whip against the very dame who had been
so cruelly misusing him； my little great…heart gave but one hoarse
cry and fell upon the tyrant tooth and nail。 This is the tale of a
soul's tragedy。 After three years of unavailing chivalry； he
suddenly； in one hour； threw off the yoke of obligation； had he
been Shakespeare he would then have written TROILUS AND CRESSIDA to
brand the offending sex； but being only a little dog； he began to
bite them。 The surprise of the ladies whom he attacked indicated
the monstrosity of his offence； but he had fairly beaten off his
better angel； fairly committed moral suicide； for almost in the
same hour； throwing aside the last rags of decency； he proceeded to
attack the aged also。 The fact is worth remark； showing； as it
does； that ethical laws are common both to dogs and men； and that
with both a single deliberate violation of the conscience loosens
all。 〃But while the lamp holds on to burn；〃 says the paraphrase；
〃the greatest sinner may return。〃 I have been cheered to see
symptoms of effectual penitence in my sweet ruffian； and by the
handling that he accepted uncomplainingly the other day from an
indignant fair one； I begin to hope the period of STURM UND DRANG
is closed。
All these little gentlemen are subtle casuists。 The duty to the
female dog is plain； but where competing duties rise； down they
will sit and study them out； like Jesuit confessors。 I knew
another little Skye； somewhat plain in manner and appearance； but a
creature compact of amiability and solid wisdom。 His family going
abroad for a winter； he was received for that period by an uncle in
the same city。 The winter over； his own family home again； and his
own house （of which he was very proud） reopened； he found himself
in a dilemma between two conflicting duties of loyalty and
gratitude。 His old friends were not to be neglected； but it seemed
hardly decent to desert the new。 This was how he solved the
problem。 Every morning； as soon as the door was opened； of posted
Coolin to his uncle's； visited the children in the nursery； saluted
the whole family； and was back at home in time for breakfast and
his bit of fish。 Nor was this done without a sacrifice on his
part； sharply felt； for he had to forego the particular honour and
jewel of his day … his morning's walk with my father。 And； perhaps
from this cause； he gradually wearied of and relaxed the practice；
and at length returned entirely to his ancient habits。 But the
same decision served him in another and more distressing case of
divided duty； which happened not long after。 He was not at all a
kitchen dog； but the cook had nursed him with unusual kindness
during the distemper； and though he did not adore her as he adored
my father … although （born snob） he was criti