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graveyard； I began insensibly to turn my attention to the grave…
diggers； and was weaned out of myself to observe the conduct of
visitors。 This was dayspring； indeed； to a lad in such great
darkness。 Not that I began to see men； or to try to see them； from
within； nor to learn charity and modesty and justice from the
sight； but still stared at them externally from the prison windows
of my affectation。 Once I remember to have observed two working…
women with a baby halting by a grave； there was something
monumental in the grouping； one upright carrying the child； the
other with bowed face crouching by her side。 A wreath of
immortelles under a glass dome had thus attracted them； and；
drawing near； I overheard their judgment on that wonder。 〃Eh！ what
extravagance！〃
To a youth afflicted with the callosity of sentiment； this quaint
and pregnant saying appeared merely base。
My acquaintance with grave…diggers； considering its length； was
unremarkable。 One； indeed； whom I found plying his spade in the
red evening； high above Allan Water and in the shadow of Dunblane
Cathedral； told me of his acquaintance with the birds that still
attended on his labours； how some would even perch about him；
waiting for their prey； and in a true Sexton's Calendar； how the
species varied with the season of the year。 But this was the very
poetry of the profession。 The others whom I knew were somewhat
dry。 A faint flavour of the gardener hung about them； but
sophisticated and dis…bloomed。 They had engagements to keep； not
alone with the deliberate series of the seasons； but with man…
kind's clocks and hour…long measurement of time。 And thus there
was no leisure for the relishing pinch； or the hour…long gossip；
foot on spade。 They were men wrapped up in their grim business；
they liked well to open long…closed family vaults； blowing in the
key and throwing wide the grating； and they carried in their minds
a calendar of names and dates。 It would be 〃in fifty…twa〃 that
such a tomb was last opened for 〃Miss Jemimy。〃 It was thus they
spoke of their past patients …familiarly but not without respect；
like old family servants。 Here is indeed a servant； whom we forget
that we possess； who does not wait at the bright table； or run at
the bell's summons； but patiently smokes his pipe beside the
mortuary fire； and in his faithful memory notches the burials of
our race。 To suspect Shakespeare in his maturity of a superficial
touch savours of paradox； yet he was surely in error when he
attributed insensibility to the digger of the grave。 But perhaps
it is on Hamlet that the charge should lie； or perhaps the English
sexton differs from the Scotch。 The 〃goodman delver；〃 reckoning up
his years of office； might have at least suggested other thoughts。
It is a pride common among sextons。 A cabinet…maker does not count
his cabinets； nor even an author his volumes； save when they stare
upon him from the shelves； but the grave…digger numbers his graves。
He would indeed be something different from human if his solitary
open…air and tragic labours left not a broad mark upon his mind。
There； in his tranquil aisle； apart from city clamour； among the
cats and robins and the ancient effigies and legends of the tomb；
he waits the continual passage of his contemporaries； falling like
minute drops into eternity。 As they fall； he counts them； and this
enumeration； which was at first perhaps appalling to his soul； in
the process of years and by the kindly influence of habit grows to
be his pride and pleasure。 There are many common stories telling
how he piques himself on crowded cemeteries。 But I will rather
tell of the old grave…digger of Monkton； to whose unsuffering
bedside the minister was summoned。 He dwelt in a cottage built
into the wall of the church…yard； and through a bull's…eye pane
above his bed he could see； as he lay dying； the rank grasses and
the upright and recumbent stones。 Dr。 Laurie was； I think； a
Moderate： 'tis certain； at least； that he took a very Roman view of
deathbed dispositions； for he told the old man that he had lived
beyond man's natural years； that his life had been easy and
reputable； that his family had all grown up and been a credit to
his care； and that it now behoved him unregretfully to gird his
loins and follow the majority。 The grave…digger heard him out；
then he raised himself upon one elbow； and with the other hand
pointed through the window to the scene of his life…long labours。
〃Doctor；〃 he said； 〃I ha'e laid three hunner and fower…score in
that kirkyaird； an it had been His wull；〃 indicating Heaven； 〃I
would ha'e likit weel to ha'e made out the fower hunner。〃 But it
was not to be； this tragedian of the fifth act had now another part
to play； and the time had come when others were to gird and carry
him。
II
I would fain strike a note that should be more heroical； but the
ground of all youth's suffering； solitude； hysteria； and haunting
of the grave； is nothing else than naked； ignorant selfishness。 It
is himself that he sees dead； those are his virtues that are
forgotten； his is the vague epitaph。 Pity him but the more； if
pity be your cue； for where a man is all pride； vanity； and
personal aspiration； he goes through fire unshielded。 In every
part and corner of our life； to lose oneself is to be gainer； to
forget oneself is to be happy； and this poor； laughable and tragic
fool has not yet learned the rudiments； himself； giant Prometheus；
is still ironed on the peaks of Caucasus。 But by…and…by his truant
interests will leave that tortured body； slip abroad and gather
flowers。 Then shall death appear before him in an altered guise；
no longer as a doom peculiar to himself； whether fate's crowning
injustice or his own last vengeance upon those who fail to value
him； but now as a power that wounds him far more tenderly； not
without solemn compensations； taking and giving； bereaving and yet
storing up。
The first step for all is to learn to the dregs our own ignoble
fallibility。 When we have fallen through storey after storey of
our vanity and aspiration； and sit rueful among the ruins； then it
is that we begin to measure the stature of our friends： how they
stand between us and our own contempt； believing in our best； how；
linking us with others； and still spreading wide the influential
circle； they weave us in and in with the fabric of contemporary
life； and to what petty size they dwarf the virtues and the vices
that appeared gigantic in our youth。 So that at the last； when
such a pin falls out … when there vanishes in the least breath of
time one of those rich magazines of life on which we drew for our
supply … when he who had first dawned upon us as a face among the
faces of the city； and； still growing； came to bulk on our regard
with those clear features of the loved and living man； falls in a
breath to memory and shadow； there falls along with him a whole
wing of the palace of our life。
III
One such face I now remember； one such blank some half…a…dozen of
us labour to dissemble。 In his youth he was most beautiful in
person； most serene and genial by disposition； full of racy words
and quaint thoughts。 Laughter attended on his coming。 He had the
air of a great gentleman； jovial and royal with his equals； and to
the poorest student gentle and attentive。 Power seemed to reside
in him exhaustless； we saw him stoop to play with us； but held him
marked for higher destinies； we loved his notice； and I have rarely
had my pride more gratified than when he sat at my father's table；
my acknowledged friend。 So he walked among us； both hands full of
gifts； carrying with nonchalance the seeds of a most influential
life。
The powers and the ground of friendship is a mystery； but； looking
back； I can discern that； in part； we loved the thing he was； for
some shadow of what he was to be。 For with all his beauty； power；
breeding； urbanity and mirth； there was in those days something
soulless in our friend。 He would astonish us by sallies； witty；
innocent and inhumane； and by a misapplied Johnsonian pleasantry；
demolish honest sentiment。 I can still see and hear him； as he
went his way along the lamplit streets； LA CI DAREM LA MANO on his
lips； a noble figure of a youth； but following vanity and
incredulous of good； and sure enough； somewhere on the high seas of
life； with his health； his hopes； his patrimony and his self…
respect； miserably went down。
From this disaster； like a spent swimmer； he came desperately
ashore； bankrupt of money and consideration； creeping to the family
he had deserted； with broken wing； never more to rise。 But in his
face there was a light of knowledge that was new to it。 Of the
wounds of his body he was never he