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cleared off to bed （my only prospects of deliverance）； and then； in all the
bliss of solitude； I have given myself up to the luxury of an unrestricted
burst of weeping。 But this was a weakness I did not often indulge： my
employments were too numerous； my leisure moments too precious； to
admit of much time being given to fruitless lamentations。
I particularly remember one wild； snowy afternoon； soon after my
return in January： the children had all come up from dinner； loudly
declaring that they meant 'to be naughty；' and they had well kept their
resolution； though I had talked myself hoarse； and wearied every muscle
in my throat； in the vain attempt to reason them out of it。 I had got Tom
pinned up in a corner； whence； I told him； he should not escape till he had
done his appointed task。 Meantime； Fanny had possessed herself of my
work…bag； and was rifling its contents … and spitting into it besides。 I told
her to let it alone； but to no purpose； of course。 'Burn it； Fanny！' cried
Tom： and THIS command she hastened to obey。 I sprang to snatch it
from the fire； and Tom darted to the door。 'Mary Ann； throw her desk out
of the window！' cried he： and my precious desk； containing my letters
and papers； my small amount of cash； and all my valuables； was about to
be precipitated from the three…storey window。 I flew to rescue it。
Meanwhile Tom had left the room； and was rushing down the stairs；
followed by Fanny。 Having secured my desk； I ran to catch them； and
Mary Ann came scampering after。 All three escaped me； and ran out of
the house into the garden； where they plunged about in the snow； shouting
and screaming in exultant glee。
What must I do？ If I followed them； I should probably be unable to
capture one； and only drive them farther away； if I did not； how was I to
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get them in？ And what would their parents think of me； if they saw or
heard the children rioting； hatless； bonnetless； gloveless； and bootless； in
the deep soft snow？ While I stood in this perplexity； just without the
door； trying； by grim looks and angry words； to awe them into subjection；
I heard a voice behind me； in harshly piercing tones； exclaiming； …
'Miss Grey！ Is it possible？ What； in the devil's name； can you be
thinking about？'
'I can't get them in； sir；' said I； turning round； and beholding Mr。
Bloomfield； with his hair on end； and his pale blue eyes bolting from their
sockets。
'But I INSIST upon their being got in！' cried he； approaching nearer；
and looking perfectly ferocious。
'Then； sir； you must call them yourself； if you please； for they won't
listen to me；' I replied； stepping back。
'Come in with you； you filthy brats； or I'll horsewhip you every one！'
roared he； and the children instantly obeyed。 'There； you see！ … they
come at the first word！'
'Yes； when YOU speak。'
'And it's very strange； that when you've the care of 'em you've no
better control over 'em than that！ … Now； there they are … gone up… stairs
with their nasty snowy feet！ Do go after 'em and see them made decent；
for heaven's sake！'
That gentleman's mother was then staying in the house； and； as I
ascended the stairs and passed the drawing…room door； I had the
satisfaction of hearing the old lady declaiming aloud to her daughter…in…
law to this effect （for I could only distinguish the most emphatic words） …
'Gracious heavens！ … never in all my life … ！ … get their death as sure as
… ！ Do you think； my dear； she's a PROPER PERSON？ Take my word
for it … '
I heard no more； but that sufficed。
The senior Mrs。 Bloomfield had been very attentive and civil to me；
and till now I had thought her a nice； kind…hearted； chatty old body。 She
would often come to me and talk in a confidential strain； nodding and
shaking her head； and gesticulating with hands and eyes； as a certain class
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of old ladies are won't to do； though I never knew one that carried the
peculiarity to so great an extent。 She would even sympathise with me for
the trouble I had with the children； and express at times； by half sentences；
interspersed with nods and knowing winks； her sense of the injudicious
conduct of their mamma in so restricting my power； and neglecting to
support me with her authority。 Such a mode of testifying disapprobation
was not much to my taste； and I generally refused to take it in； or
understand anything more than was openly spoken； at least； I never went
farther than an implied acknowledgment that； if matters were otherwise
ordered my task would be a less difficult one； and I should be better able
to guide and instruct my charge； but now I must be doubly cautious。
Hitherto； though I saw the old lady had her defects （of which one was a
proneness to proclaim her perfections）； I had always been wishful to
excuse them； and to give her credit for all the virtues she professed； and
even imagine others yet untold。 Kindness； which had been the food of
my life through so many years； had lately been so entirely denied me； that
I welcomed with grateful joy the slightest semblance of it。 No wonder；
then； that my heart warmed to the old lady； and always gladdened at her
approach and regretted her departure。
But now； the few words luckily or unluckily heard in passing had
wholly revolutionized my ideas respecting her： now I looked upon her as
hypocritical and insincere； a flatterer； and a spy upon my words and deeds。
Doubtless it would have been my interest still to meet her with the same
cheerful smile and tone of respectful cordiality as before； but I could not；
if I would： my manner altered with my feelings； and became so cold and
shy that she could not fail to notice it。 She soon did notice it； and HER
manner altered too： the familiar nod was changed to a stiff bow； the
gracious smile gave place to a glare of Gorgon ferocity； her vivacious
loquacity was entirely transferred from me to 'the darling boy and girls；'
whom she flattered and indulged more absurdly than ever their mother had
done。
I confess I was somewhat troubled at this change： I feared the
consequences of her displeasure； and even made some efforts to recover
the ground I had lost … and with better apparent success than I could have
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anticipated。 At one time； I； merely in common civility； asked after her
cough； immediately her long visage relaxed into a smile； and she favoured
me with a particular history of that and her other infirmities； followed by
an account of her pious resignation； delivered in the usual emphatic；
declamatory style； which no writing can portray。
'But there's one remedy for all； my dear； and that's resignation' （a toss
of the head）； 'resignation to the will of heaven！' （an uplifting of the hands
and eyes）。 'It has always supported me through all my trials； and always
will do' （a succession of nods）。 'But then； it isn't everybody that can say
that' （a shake of the head）； 'but I'm one of the pious ones； Miss Grey！' （a
very significant nod and toss）。 'And； thank heaven； I always was'
（another nod）； 'and I glory in it！' （an emphatic clasping of the hands and
shaking of the head）。 And with several texts of Scripture； misquoted or
misapplied； and religious exclamations so redolent of the ludicrous in the
style of delivery and manner of bringing in； if not in the expressions
themselves； that I decline repeating them； she withdrew； tossing her large
head in high good… humour … with herself at least … and left me hoping that；
after all