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stores for future use。 My father's health was still very infirm； but not
materially worse than when I last saw him； and I was glad I had it in my
power to cheer him by my return； and to amuse him with singing his
favourite songs。
No one triumphed over my failure； or said I had better have taken his
or her advice； and quietly stayed at home。 All were glad to have me back
again； and lavished more kindness than ever upon me； to make up for the
sufferings I had undergone； but not one would touch a shilling of what I
had so cheerfully earned and so carefully saved； in the hope of sharing it
with them。 By dint of pinching here； and scraping there； our debts were
already nearly paid。 Mary had had good success with her drawings； but
our father had insisted upon HER likewise keeping all the produce of her
industry to herself。 All we could spare from the supply of our humble
wardrobe and our little casual expenses； he directed us to put into the
savings'…bank； saying； we knew not how soon we might be dependent on
that alone for support： for he felt he had not long to be with us； and what
would become of our mother and us when he was gone； God only knew！
Dear papa！ if he had troubled himself less about the afflictions that
threatened us in case of his death； I am convinced that dreaded event
would not have taken place so soon。 My mother would never suffer him
to ponder on the subject if she could help it。
'Oh； Richard！' exclaimed she； on one occasion； 'if you would but
dismiss such gloomy subjects from your mind； you would live as long as
any of us； at least you would live to see the girls married； and yourself a
happy grandfather； with a canty old dame for your companion。'
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My mother laughed； and so did my father： but his laugh soon
perished in a dreary sigh。
'THEY married … poor penniless things！' said he； 'who will take them I
wonder！'
'Why； nobody shall that isn't thankful for them。 Wasn't I penniless
when you took me？ and you PRETENDED； at least； to be vastly pleased
with your acquisition。 But it's no matter whether they get married or not：
we can devise a thousand honest ways of making a livelihood。 And I
wonder； Richard； you can think of bothering your head about our
POVERTY in case of your death； as if THAT would be anything compared
with the calamity of losing you … an affliction that you well know would
swallow up all others； and which you ought to do your utmost to preserve
us from： and there is nothing like a cheerful mind for keeping the body
in health。'
'I know； Alice； it is wrong to keep repining as I do； but I cannot help it：
you must bear with me。'
'I WON'T bear with you； if I can alter you；' replied my mother： but the
harshness of her words was undone by the earnest affection of her tone
and pleasant smile； that made my father smile again； less sadly and less
transiently than was his wont。
'Mamma；' said I； as soon as I could find an opportunity of speaking
with her alone； 'my money is but little； and cannot last long； if I could
increase it； it would lessen papa's anxiety； on one subject at least。 I
cannot draw like Mary； and so the best thing I could do would be to look
out for another situation。'
'And so you would actually try again； Agnes？'
'Decidedly； I would。'
'Why； my dear； I should have thought you had had enough of it。'
'I know；' said I； 'everybody is not like Mr。 and Mrs。 Bloomfield … '
'Some are worse；' interrupted my mother。
'But not many； I think；' replied I； 'and I'm sure all children are not like
theirs； for I and Mary were not： we always did as you bid us； didn't we？'
'Generally： but then； I did not spoil you； and you were not perfect
angels after all： Mary had a fund of quiet obstinacy； and you were
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somewhat faulty in regard to temper； but you were very good children on
the whole。'
'I know I was sulky sometimes； and I should have been glad to see
these children sulky sometimes too； for then I could have understood them：
but they never were； for they COULD not be offended； nor hurt； nor
ashamed： they could not be unhappy in any way； except when they were
in a passion。'
'Well； if they COULD not； it was not their fault： you cannot expect
stone to be as pliable as clay。'
'No； but still it is very unpleasant to live with such unimpressible；
incomprehensible creatures。 You cannot love them； and if you could；
your love would be utterly thrown away： they could neither return it； nor
value； nor understand it。 But； however； even if I should stumble on such
a family again； which is quite unlikely； I have all this experience to begin
with； and I should manage better another time； and the end and aim of this
preamble is； let me try again。'
'Well； my girl； you are not easily discouraged； I see： I am glad of that。
But； let me tell you； you are a good deal paler and thinner than when you
first left home； and we cannot have you undermining your health to hoard
up money either for yourself or others。'
'Mary tells me I am changed too； and I don't much wonder at it； for I
was in a constant state of agitation and anxiety all day long： but next time
I am determined to take things coolly。'
After some further discussion； my mother promised once more to
assist me； provided I would wait and be patient； and I left her to broach the
matter to my father； when and how she deemed it most advisable： never
doubting her ability to obtain his consent。 Meantime； I searched； with
great interest； the advertising columns of the newspapers； and wrote
answers to every 'Wanted a Governess' that appeared at all eligible； but all
my letters； as well as the replies； when I got any； were dutifully shown to
my mother； and she； to my chagrin； made me reject the situations one after
another： these were low people； these were too exacting in their
demands； and these too niggardly in their remuneration。
'Your talents are not such as every poor clergyman's daughter
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possesses； Agnes；' she would say； 'and you must not throw them away。
Remember； you promised to be patient： there is no need of hurry： you
have plenty of time before you； and may have many chances yet。'
At length； she advised me to put an advertisement； myself； in the paper；
stating my qualifications； &c。
'Music； singing； drawing； French； Latin； and German；' said she； 'are no
mean assemblage： many will be glad to have so much in one instructor；
and this time； you shall try your fortune in a somewhat higher family in
that of some genuine； thoroughbred gentleman； for such are far more
likely to treat you with proper respect and consideration than those purse…
proud tradespeople and arrogant upstarts。 I have known several among
the higher ranks who treated their governesses quite as one of the family；
though some； I allow； are as insolent and exacting as any one else can be：
for there are bad and good in all classes。'
The advertisement was quickly written and despatched。 Of the two
parties who answered it； but one would consent to give me fifty pounds；
the sum my mother bade me name as the salary I should require； and here；
I hesitated about engaging myself； as I feared the children would be too
old； and their parents would require some one more showy； or more
experienced； if not more accomplished than I。 But my mother dissuaded
me from declining it on that account： I should do vastly well； she said； if I
would only throw aside my diffidence； and acquire a little more
confidence in myself。 I was just to