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neither young Meltham nor Squire Green was there； but I soon found it
was to secure an interview with Mr。 Weston as he came out； which he
presently did。 Having saluted us both； he would have passed on； but she
detained him； first with observations upon the disagreeable weather； and
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then with asking if he would be so kind as to come some time to…morrow
to see the granddaughter of the old woman who kept the porter's lodge； for
the girl was ill of a fever； and wished to see him。 He promised to do so。
'And at what time will you be most likely to come； Mr。 Weston？ The
old woman will like to know when to expect you … you know such people
think more about having their cottages in order when decent people come
to see them than we are apt to suppose。'
Here was a wonderful instance of consideration from the thoughtless
Miss Murray。 Mr。 Weston named an hour in the morning at which he
would endeavour； to be there。 By this time the carriage was ready； and
the footman was waiting； with an open umbrella； to escort Miss Murray
through the churchyard。 I was about to follow； but Mr。 Weston had an
umbrella too； and offered me the benefit of its shelter； for it was raining
heavily。
'No； thank you； I don't mind the rain；' I said。 I always lacked
common sense when taken by surprise。
'But you don't LIKE it； I suppose？ … an umbrella will do you no harm
at any rate；' he replied； with a smile that showed he was not offended； as a
man of worse temper or less penetration would have been at such a refusal
of his aid。 I could not deny the truth of his assertion； and so went with
him to the carriage； he even offered me his hand on getting in： an
unnecessary piece of civility； but I accepted that too； for fear of giving
offence。 One glance he gave； one little smile at parting … it was but for a
moment； but therein I read； or thought I read； a meaning that kindled in
my heart a brighter flame of hope than had ever yet arisen。
'I would have sent the footman back for you； Miss Grey； if you'd
waited a moment … you needn't have taken Mr。 Weston's umbrella；'
observed Rosalie； with a very unamiable cloud upon her pretty face。
'I would have come without an umbrella； but Mr。 Weston offered me
the benefit of his； and I could not have refused it more than I did without
offending him；' replied I； smiling placidly； for my inward happiness made
that amusing； which would have wounded me at another time。
The carriage was now in motion。 Miss Murray bent forwards； and
looked out of the window as we were passing Mr。 Weston。 He was
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pacing homewards along the causeway； and did not turn his head。
'Stupid ass！' cried she； throwing herself back again in the seat。 'You
don't know what you've lost by not looking this way！'
'What has he lost？'
'A bow from me； that would have raised him to the seventh heaven！'
I made no answer。 I saw she was out of humour； and I derived a
secret gratification from the fact； not that she was vexed； but that she
thought she had reason to be so。 It made me think my hopes were not
entirely the offspring of my wishes and imagination。
'I mean to take up Mr。 Weston instead of Mr。 Hatfield；' said my
companion； after a short pause； resuming something of her usual
cheerfulness。 'The ball at Ashby Park takes place on Tuesday； you know；
and mamma thinks it very likely that Sir Thomas will propose to me then：
such things are often done in the privacy of the ball… room； when
gentlemen are most easily ensnared； and ladies most enchanting。 But if I
am to be married so soon； I must make the best of the present time： I am
determined Hatfield shall not be the only man who shall lay his heart at
my feet； and implore me to accept the worthless gift in vain。'
'If you mean Mr。 Weston to be one of your victims；' said I； with
affected indifference； 'you will have to make such overtures yourself that
you will find it difficult to draw back when he asks you to fulfil the
expectations you have raised。'
'I don't suppose he will ask me to marry him； nor should I desire it：
that would be rather too much presumption！ but I intend him to feel my
power。 He has felt it already； indeed： but he shall ACKNOWLEDGE it
too； and what visionary hopes he may have； he must keep to himself； and
only amuse me with the result of them … for a time。'
'Oh！ that some kind spirit would whisper those words in his ear；' I
inwardly exclaimed。 I was far too indignant to hazard a reply to her
observation aloud； and nothing more was said about Mr。 Weston that day；
by me or in my hearing。 But next morning； soon after breakfast； Miss
Murray came into the schoolroom； where her sister was employed at her
studies； or rather her lessons； for studies they were not； and said； 'Matilda；
I want you to take a walk with me about eleven o'clock。'
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'Oh； I can't； Rosalie！ I have to give orders about my new bridle and
saddle…cloth； and speak to the rat…catcher about his dogs： Miss Grey must
go with you。'
'No； I want you；' said Rosalie； and calling her sister to the window； she
whispered an explanation in her ear； upon which the latter consented to
go。
I remembered that eleven was the hour at which Mr。 Weston proposed
to come to the porter's lodge； and remembering that； I beheld the whole
contrivance。 Accordingly； at dinner； I was entertained with a long
account of how Mr。 Weston had overtaken them as they were walking
along the road； and how they had had a long walk and talk with him； and
really found him quite an agreeable companion； and how he must have
been； and evidently was； delighted with them and their amazing
condescension； &c。 &c。
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CHAPTER XVII … CONFESSIONS
AS I am in the way of confessions I may as well acknowledge that；
about this time； I paid more attention to dress than ever I had done before。
This is not saying much … for hitherto I had been a little neglectful in that
particular； but now； also； it was no uncommon thing to spend as much as
two minutes in the contemplation of my own image in the glass； though I
never could derive any consolation from such a study。 I could discover
no beauty in those marked features； that pale hollow cheek； and ordinary
dark brown hair； there might be intellect in the forehead； there might be
expression in the dark grey eyes； but what of that？ … a low Grecian brow；
and large black eyes devoid of sentiment would be esteemed far preferable。
It is foolish to wish for beauty。 Sensible people never either desire it for
themselves or care about it in others。 If the mind be but well cultivated；
and the heart well disposed； no one ever cares for the exterior。 So said
the teachers of our childhood； and so say we to the children of the present
day。 All very judicious and proper； no doubt； but are such assertions
supported by actual experience？
We are naturally disposed to love what gives us pleasure； and what
more pleasing than a beautiful face … when we know no harm of the
possessor at least？ A little girl loves her bird … Why？ Because it lives
and feels； because it is helpless and harmless？ A toad； likewise； lives and
feels； and is equally helpless and harmless； but though she would not hurt
a toad； she cannot love it like the bird； with its graceful form； soft feathers；
and bright； speaking eyes。 If a woman is fair and amiable； she is praised
for both qualities； but especially the former； by the bulk of mankind： if；