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'DEAR …；Before these lines reach your hands I shall be delivered
from the inconveniences of seeing； hearing； and knowing more of the
things around me。 I will not trouble you by giving my reasons for
the step I have taken； though I can assure you they were sound and
logical。 Perhaps had I been blessed with a mother； or a sister； or
a female friend of another sort tenderly devoted to me； I might have
thought it worth while to continue my present existence。 I have
long dreamt of such an unattainable creature； as you know； and she；
this undiscoverable； elusive one； inspired my last volume； the
imaginary woman alone； for； in spite of what has been said in some
quarters； there is no real woman behind the title。 She has
continued to the last unrevealed； unmet； unwon。 I think it
desirable to mention this in order that no blame may attach to any
real woman as having been the cause of my decease by cruel or
cavalier treatment of me。 Tell my landlady that I am sorry to have
caused her this unpleasantness； but my occupancy of the rooms will
soon be forgotten。 There are ample funds in my name at the bank to
pay all expenses。 R。 TREWE。'
Ella sat for a while as if stunned； then rushed into the adjoining
chamber and flung herself upon her face on the bed。
Her grief and distraction shook her to pieces； and she lay in this
frenzy of sorrow for more than an hour。 Broken words came every now
and then from her quivering lips： 'O； if he had only known of me
known of meme！ 。 。 。 O； if I had only once met himonly once； and
put my hand upon his hot foreheadkissed himlet him know how I
loved himthat I would have suffered shame and scorn； would have
lived and died； for him！ Perhaps it would have saved his dear life！
。 。 。 But noit was not allowed！ God is a jealous God； and that
happiness was not for him and me！'
All possibilities were over； the meeting was stultified。 Yet it was
almost visible to her in her fantasy even now； though it could never
be substantiated …
'The hour which might have been； yet might not be；
Which man's and woman's heart conceived and bore；
Yet whereof life was barren。'
She wrote to the landlady at Solentsea in the third person； in as
subdued a style as she could command； enclosing a postal order for a
sovereign； and informing Mrs。 Hooper that Mrs。 Marchmill had seen in
the papers the sad account of the poet's death； and having been； as
Mrs。 Hooper was aware； much interested in Mr。 Trewe during her stay
at Coburg House； she would be obliged if Mrs。 Hooper could obtain a
small portion of his hair before his coffin was closed down； and
send it her as a memorial of him； as also the photograph that was in
the frame。
By the return…post a letter arrived containing what had been
requested。 Ella wept over the portrait and secured it in her
private drawer； the lock of hair she tied with white ribbon and put
in her bosom； whence she drew it and kissed it every now and then in
some unobserved nook。
'What's the matter？' said her husband； looking up from his newspaper
on one of these occasions。 'Crying over something？ A lock of hair？
Whose is it？'
'He's dead！' she murmured。
'Who？'
'I don't want to tell you； Will； just now； unless you insist！' she
said； a sob hanging heavy in her voice。
'O； all right。'
'Do you mind my refusing？ I will tell you some day。'
'It doesn't matter in the least； of course。'
He walked away whistling a few bars of no tune in particular； and
when he had got down to his factory in the city the subject came
into Marchmill's head again。
He； too； was aware that a suicide had taken place recently at the
house they had occupied at Solentsea。 Having seen the volume of
poems in his wife's hand of late； and heard fragments of the
landlady's conversation about Trewe when they were her tenants； he
all at once said to himself； 'Why of course it's he！ How the devil
did she get to know him？ What sly animals women are！'
Then he placidly dismissed the matter； and went on with his daily
affairs。 By this time Ella at home had come to a determination。
Mrs。 Hooper； in sending the hair and photograph； had informed her of
the day of the funeral； and as the morning and noon wore on an
overpowering wish to know where they were laying him took possession
of the sympathetic woman。 Caring very little now what her husband
or any one else might think of her eccentricities； she wrote
Marchmill a brief note； stating that she was called away for the
afternoon and evening； but would return on the following morning。
This she left on his desk； and having given the same information to
the servants； went out of the house on foot。
When Mr。 Marchmill reached home early in the afternoon the servants
looked anxious。 The nurse took him privately aside； and hinted that
her mistress's sadness during the past few days had been such that
she feared she had gone out to drown herself。 Marchmill reflected。
Upon the whole he thought that she had not done that。 Without
saying whither he was bound he also started off； telling them not to
sit up for him。 He drove to the railway…station； and took a ticket
for Solentsea。
It was dark when he reached the place； though he had come by a fast
train； and he knew that if his wife had preceded him thither it
could only have been by a slower train； arriving not a great while
before his own。 The season at Solentsea was now past： the parade
was gloomy； and the flys were few and cheap。 He asked the way to
the Cemetery； and soon reached it。 The gate was locked； but the
keeper let him in； declaring； however； that there was nobody within
the precincts。 Although it was not late； the autumnal darkness had
now become intense； and he found some difficulty in keeping to the
serpentine path which led to the quarter where； as the man had told
him； the one or two interments for the day had taken place。 He
stepped upon the grass； and； stumbling over some pegs； stooped now
and then to discern if possible a figure against the sky。
He could see none； but lighting on a spot where the soil was
trodden； beheld a crouching object beside a newly made grave。 She
heard him； and sprang up。
'Ell； how silly this is！' he said indignantly。 'Running away from
homeI never heard such a thing！ Of course I am not jealous of
this unfortunate man； but it is too ridiculous that you； a married
woman with three children and a fourth coming； should go losing your
head like this over a dead lover！ 。 。 。 Do you know you were locked
in？ You might not have been able to get out all night。'
She did not answer。
'I hope it didn't go far between you and him； for your own sake。'
'Don't insult me； Will。'
'Mind； I won't have any more of this sort of thing； do you hear？'
'Very well；' she said。
He drew her arm within his own； and conducted her out of the
Cemetery。 It was impossible to get back that night； and not wishing
to be recognized in their present sorry condition； he took her to a
miserable little coffee…house close to the station； whence they
departed early in the morning； travelling almost without speaking；
under the sense that it was one of those dreary situations occurring
in married life which words could not mend； and reaching their own
door at noon。
The months passed； and neither of the twain ever ventured to start a
conversation upon this episode。 Ella seemed to be only too
frequently in a sad and listless mood； which might almost have been
called pining。 The time was approaching when she would have to
undergo the stress of childbirth for a fourth time； and that
apparently did not tend to raise her spirits。
'I don't think I shall get over it this time！' she said one day。
'Pooh！ what childish foreboding！ Why shouldn't it be as well now as
ever？'
She shook her head。 'I feel almost sure I am going to die； and I
should be glad； if it were not for Nelly； and Frank； and Tiny。'
'And me！'
'You'll soon find somebody to fill my place；' she murmured； with a
sad smile。 'And you'll have a perfect right to； I assure you of
that。'
'Ell； you are not thinking still about thatpoetical friend of
yours？'
She neither admitted nor denied the charge。 'I am not going to get
over my illness this time；' she reiterated。 'Something tells me I
shan't。'
This view of things was rather a bad beginning； as it usually is；
and； in fact； six weeks later； in the month of May； she was lying in
her room； pulseless and bloodless； with hardly strength enough left
to follow up one feeble breath with another； the infant for whose
unnecessary life she was slowly parting with her own being fat and
well。 Just before her death she spoke to Marchmill softly：…
'Will； I want to confess to you the entire circumstances of that
about you know whatthat time we visited Solentsea。 I can't tell
what possessed mehow I could forget you so； my husband！ But I had
got into a morbid state： I thought you had been unkind； that you
had neglected me； that you weren't up to my intellectual level；
while he was； and far above it。 I wanted a fuller appreciator；
perhaps； rather than another lover'
She could get no further then for very exhaustion； and she went off
in sudde