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etch out his little arms to be taken with me。 But the bathing ghal was my place for meeting my friends； and I did not care to burden myself with the child。
〃It was an early morning in August。 Fold after fold of grey clouds had wrapped the mid…day round with a wet clinging robe。 I asked the maid to take care of the boy； while I went down to the river。 The child cried after me as I went away。
〃There was no one there at the bathing ghat when I arrived。 As a swimmer； I was the best among all the village women。 The river was quite full with the rains。 I swam out into the middle of the stream some distance from the shore。
〃Then I heard a cry from the bank； 'Mother！' I turned my head and saw my boy coming down the steps； calling me as he came。 I shouted to him to stop； but he went on； laughing and calling。 My feet and hands became cramped with fear。 I shut my eyes； afraid to see。 When I opened them； there； at the slippery stairs； my boy's ripple of laughter had disappeared for ever。
〃I got back to the shore。 I raised him from the water。 I took him in my arms； my boy； my darling； who had begged so often in vain for me to take him。 I took him now； but he no more looked in my eyes and called ‘ Mother。'
〃My child…God had come。 I had ever neglected Him。 I had ever made Him cry。 And now all that neglect began to beat against my own heart； blow upon blow； blow upon blow。 When my boy was with me； I had left him alone。 I had refused to take him with me。 And now； when he is dead； his memory clings to me and never leaves me。
〃God alone knows all that my husband suffered。 If he had only punished me for my sin； it would have been better for us both。 But be knew only how to endure in silence； not how to speak。
〃When I was almost mad with grief； Guru Thakur came back。 In earlier days； the relation between him and my husband had been that of boyish friendship。 Now； my husband's reverence for his sanctity and learning was unbounded。 He could hardly speak in his presence； his awe of him was so great。
〃My husband asked his Guru to try to give me some consolation。 Guru Thakur began to read and explain to me the scriptures。 But I do not think they had much effect on my mind。 All their value for me lay in the voice that uttered them。 God makes the draught of divine life deepest in the heart for man to drink； through the human voice。 He has no better vessel in His hand than that； and He Himself drinks His divine draught out of the same vessel。
〃My husband's love and veneration for his Guru filled our house； as incense fills a temple shrine。 I showed that veneration； and had peace。 I saw my God in the form of that Guru。 He used to come to take his meal at our house every morning。 The first thought that would come to my mind on waking from sleep was that of his food as a sacred gift from God。 When I prepared the things for his meal； my fingers would sing for joy。
〃When my husband saw my devotion to his Guru； his respect for me greatly increased。 He noticed his Guru's eager desire to explain the scriptures to me。 He used to think that he could never expect to earn any regard from his Guru himself； on account of his stupidity； but his wife had made up for it。
〃Thus another five years went by happily； and my whole life would have passed like that； but beneath the surface some stealing was going on somewhere in secret。 I could not detect it； but it was detected by the God of my heart。 Then came a day when； in a moment our whole life was turned upside down。
〃It was a morning in midsummer。 I was returning home from bathing； my clothes all wet； down a shady lane。 At the bend of the road； under the mango tree； I met my Guru Thakur。 He had his towel on his shoulder and was repeating some Sanskrit verses as he was going to take his bath。 With my wet clothes clinging all about me I was ashamed to meet him。 I tried to pass by quickly； and avoid being seen。 He called me by my name。
〃I stopped； lowering my eyes； shrinking into myself。 He fixed his gaze upon me； and said： ‘How beautiful is your body！'
〃All the universe of birds seemed to break into song in the branches overhead。 All the bushes in the lane seemed ablaze with flowers。 It was as though the earth and sky and everything had become a riot of intoxicating joy。
〃I cannot tell how I got home。 I only remember that I rushed into the room where we worship God。 But the room seemed empty。 Only before my eyes those same gold spangles of light were dancing which had quivered in front of me in that shady lane on my way back from the river。
〃Guru Thakur came to take his food that day； and asked my husband where I had gone。 He searched for me； but could not find me anywhere。
〃Ah！ I have not the same earth now any longer。 The same sunlight is not mine。 I called on my God in my dismay； and He kept His face turned away from me。
〃The day passed； I know not how。 That night I had to meet my husband。 But the night is dark and silent。 It is the time when my husband's mind comes out shining； like stars at twilight。 I had heard him speak things in the dark； and I had been surprised to find how deeply he understood。
〃Sometimes I am late in the evening in going to rest on account of household work。 My husband waits for me； seated on the floor； without going to bed。 Our talk at such times had often begun with something about our Guru。
That night； when it was past midnight； I came to my room； and found my husband sleeping on the floor。 Without disturbing him I lay down on the ground at his feet； my head towards him。 Once he stretched his feet； while sleeping； and struck me on the breast。 That was his last bequest。
〃Next morning； when my husband woke up from his sleep； I was already sitting by him。 Outside the window； over the thick foliage of the jack… fruit tree； appeared the first pale red of the dawn at the fringe of the night。 It was so early that the crows had not yet begun to call。
〃I bowed； and touched my husband's feet with my forehead。 He sat up； starting as if waking from a dream； and looked at my face in amazement。 I said：
〃' I have made up my mind。 I must leave the world。 I cannot belong to you any longer。 I must leave your home。'
〃Perhaps my husband thought that he was still dreaming。 He said not a word。
Ah！ do hear me l' I pleaded with infinite pain。 ‘ Do hear me and understand I You must marry another wife。 I must take my leave。'
〃My husband said： ' What is all this wild； mad talk？ Who advises you to leave the world？'
〃I said： ‘ My Guru Thakur。'
〃My husband looked bewildered。 ' Guru Thakur！' he cried。 ' When did he give you this advice？'
〃‘ In the morning；' I answered； ' yesterday； when I met him on my way back from the river。'
〃His voice trembled a little。 He turned； and looked in my face； and asked me： ‘Why did he give you such a behest？'
〃‘ I do not know；' I answered。 ' Ask him 1 He will tell you himself； if he can。'
〃My husband said： ‘It is possible to leave the world； even when continuing to live in it。 You need not leave my home。 I will speak to my Guru about it。'
〃‘ Your Guru；' I said； ‘ may accept your petition； but my heart will never give its consent。 I must leave your home。 From henceforth； the world is no more to me。'
〃My husband remained silent； and we sat there on the floor in the dark。 When it was light； he said to me： ' Let us both came to him。'
〃I folded my hands and said： ‘ I shall never meet him again。'
〃He looked into my face。 I lowered my eyes。 He said no more。 I knew that； somehow； he had seen into my mind； and understood what was there。 In this world of mine； there were only two who loved me best…my boy and my husband。 That love was my God； and therefore it could brook no falsehood。 One of these two left me； and I left the other。 Now I must have truth； and truth alone。〃
She touched the ground at my feet； rose and bowed to me； and departed。
VISION
I
When I was a very young wife； I gave birth to a dead child； and came near to death myself。 I recovered strength very slowly； and my eyesight became weaker and weaker。
My husband at this time was studying medicine。 He was not altogether sorry to have a chance of testing his medical knowledge on me。 So he began to treat my eyes himself。
My elder brother was reading for his law examination。 One day he came to see me； and was alarmed at my condition。
〃What are you doing？〃 he said to my husband。 〃You are ruining Kumo's eyes。 You ought to consult a good doctor at once。〃
My husband said irritably： 〃Why！ what can a good doctor do more than I am doing？ The case is quite a simple one； and the remedies are all well known。〃
Dada answered with scorn： 〃I suppose you think there is no difference between you and a Professor in your own Medical College。〃
My husband replied angrily： 〃If you ever get married； and there is a dispute about your wife's property； you won't take my advice about Law。 Why； then； do you now come advising me about Medicine？〃
While they were quarrelling； I was saying to myself that it was always the poor grass that suffered most when two kings went to war。 Here was a dispute going on between these two； and I had to bear the bru