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Sovereign； should thus continue standing； deign but to recline your
graceful person upon this sofa； which will burst with vexation if it have
not the honour to receive you。〃
Caught by these flattering accents； Bababalouk gallantly replied：
〃Delight of the apple of my eye！ I accept the invitation of thy honeyed
lips； and； to say truth； my senses are dazzled with the radiance that beams
from thy charms。〃
〃Repose； then； at your ease；〃 replied the beauty； and placed him on the
pretended sofa； which； quicker than lightning； gave way all at once。 The
rest of the women； having aptly conceived her design； sprang naked from
the bath； and plied the swing with such unmerciful jerks； that it swept
through the whole compass of a very lofty dome； and took from the poor
victim all power of respiration； sometimes his feet rased the surface of the
water； and at others the skylight almost flattened his nose； in vain did he
pierce the air with the cries of a voice that resembled the ringing of a
cracked basin； for their peals of laughter were still more predominant。
Nouronihar； in the inebriety of youthful spirits； being used only to
eunuchs of ordinary harems； and having never seen anything so royal and
disgusting； was far more diverted than all of the rest； she began to parody
some Persian verses； and sang with an accent most demurely piquant：
〃O gentle white dove； as thou soar'st through the air； Vouchsafe one
kind glance on the mate of thy love； Melodious Philomel； I am thy rose；
Warble some couplet to ravish my heart！〃
The sultanas and their slaves； stimulated by these pleasantries；
persevered at the swing with such unremitted assiduity； that at length the
cord which had secured it snapped suddenly asunder； and Bababalouk fell
floundering like a turtle to the bottom of the bath。 This accident
occasioned a universal shout； twelve little doors； till now unobserved； flew
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open at once； and the ladies in an instant made their escape； after throwing
all the towels on his head； and putting out the lights that remained。
The deplorable animal； in water to the chin； overwhelmed with
darkness； and unable to extricate himself from the wrap that embarrassed
him； was still doomed to hear for his further consolation the fresh bursts of
merriment his disaster occasioned。 He bustled； but in vain； to get from the
bath； for the margin was become so slippery with the oil spilt in breaking
the lamps； that at every effort he slid back with a plunge； which resounded
aloud through the hollow of the dome。 These cursed peals of laughter at
every relapse were redoubled； and he； who thought the place infested
rather by devils than women； resolved to cease groping； and abide in the
bath； where he amused himself with soliloquies； interspersed with
imprecations； of which his malicious neighbours reclining on down
suffered not an accent to escape。 In this delectable plight the morning
surprised him。 The Caliph； wondering at his absence； had caused him to
be everywhere sought for。 At last he was drawn forth； almost smothered
from the wisp of linen； and wet even to the marrow。 Limping and
chattering his teeth； he appeared before his master； who inquired what was
the matter； and how he came soused in so strange a pickle。
〃And why did you enter this cursed lodge？〃 answered Bababalouk；
gruffly。 〃Ought a monarch like you to visit with his harem the abode of a
grey…bearded Emir； who knows nothing of life？ And with what gracious
damsels doth the place； too； abound！ Fancy to yourself how they have
soaked me like a burnt crust； and made me dance like a jack…pudding the
live…long night through； on their damnable swing！ What an excellent
lesson for your sultanas to follow； into whom I have instilled such reserve
and decorum！〃
Vathek； comprehending not a syllable of all this invective； obliged him
to relate minutely the transaction； but instead of sympathising with the
miserable sufferer； he laughed immoderately at the device of the swing；
and the figure of Bababalouk mounting upon it。 The stung eunuch could
scarcely preserve the semblance of respect。
〃Ay； laugh； my lord！ laugh；〃 said he； 〃but I wish this Nouronihar
would play some trick on you； she is too wicked to spare even majesty
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itself。〃
Those words made for the present but a slight impression on the
Caliph； but they not long after recurred to his mind。
This conversation was cut short by Fakreddin； who came to request
that Vathek would join in the prayers and ablutions to be solemnised on a
spacious meadow； watered by innumerable streams。 The Caliph found the
waters refreshing； but the prayers abominably irksome； he diverted
himself； however； with the multitude of Calenders； Santons； and Dervises；
who were continually coming and going； but especially with the Brahmins；
Fakirs； and other enthusiasts； who had travelled from the heart of India；
and halted on their way with the Emir。 These latter had； each of them；
some mummery peculiar to himself。 One dragged a huge chain wherever
he went； another an ouranoutang； whilst a third was furnished with
scourges； and all performed to a charm； some clambered up trees； holding
one foot in the air； others poised themselves over a fire； and without mercy
filliped their noses。 There were some amongst them that cherished
vermin； which were not ungrateful in requiting their caresses。 These
rambling fanatics revolted the hearts of the Dervises； the Calenders； and
Santons； however； the vehemence of their aversion soon subsided； under
the hope that the presence of the Caliph would cure their folly； and convert
them to the Mussulman faith； but； alas！ how great was their
disappointment！ for Vathek； instead of preaching to them； treated them as
buffoons； bade them present his compliments to Visnow and Ixhora； and
discovered a predilection for a squat old man from the isle of Serendib；
who was more ridiculous than any of the rest。
〃Come！〃 said he； 〃for the love of your gods bestow a few slaps on
your chops to amuse me。〃
The old fellow； offended at such an address； began loudly to weep； but；
as he betrayed a villainous drivelling in his tears； the Caliph turned his
back and listened to Bababalouk； who whispered； whilst he held the
umbrella over him： 〃Your Majesty should be cautious of this odd
assembly which hath been collected I know not for what。 Is it necessary
to exhibit such spectacles to a mighty potentate； with interludes of
Talapoins more mangy than dogs？ Were I you； I would command a fire
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to be kindled； and at once purge the earth of the Emir； his harem； and all
his menagerie。〃
〃Tush； dolt！〃 answered Vathek； 〃and know that all this infinitely
charms me； nor shall I leave the meadow till I have visited every hive of
these pious mendicants。〃
Wherever the Caliph directed his course objects of pity were sure to
swarm round him： the blind； the purblind； smarts without noses； damsels
without ears； each to extol the munificence of Fakreddin； who； as well as
his attendant grey…beards； dealt about gratis plasters and cataplasms to all
that applied。 At noon a superb corps of cripples made its appearance； and
soon after advanced by platoons on the plain； the completest association of
invalids that had ever been embodied till then。 The blind went groping
with the blind； the lame limped on together； and the maimed made
gestures to each other with the only arm that remained