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myself into new circumstances with the spirit of a schoolboy。 It
is possible that I sometimes allowed this impish humour to carry me
further than good taste approves： and I was certainly punished for
it once。
This was in the episcopal city of Durham。 We sat down； a
considerable company； to dinner； most of us fine old vatted English
tories of that class which is often so enthusiastic as to be
inarticulate。 I took and held the lead from the beginning； and；
the talk having turned on the French in the Peninsula； I gave them
authentic details （on the authority of a cousin of mine； an ensign）
of certain cannibal orgies in Galicia； in which no less a person
than General Caffarelli had taken a part。 I always disliked that
commander； who once ordered me under arrest for insubordination；
and it is possible that a spice of vengeance added to the rigour of
my picture。 I have forgotten the details； no doubt they were high…
coloured。 No doubt I rejoiced to fool these jolter…heads； and no
doubt the sense of security that I drank from their dull； gasping
faces encouraged me to proceed extremely far。 And for my sins；
there was one silent little man at table who took my story at the
true value。 It was from no sense of humour； to which he was quite
dead。 It was from no particular intelligence； for he had not any。
The bond of sympathy； of all things in the world； had rendered him
clairvoyant。
Dinner was no sooner done than I strolled forth into the streets
with some design of viewing the cathedral； and the little man was
silently at my heels。 A few doors from the inn； in a dark place of
the street； I was aware of a touch on my arm； turned suddenly； and
found him looking up at me with eyes pathetically bright。
'I beg your pardon； sir； but that story of yours was particularly
rich。 He … he！ Particularly racy；' said he。 'I tell you； sir； I
took you wholly！ I SMOKED you！ I believe you and I； sir； if we
had a chance to talk； would find we had a good many opinions in
common。 Here is the 〃Blue Bell；〃 a very comfortable place。 They
draw good ale； sir。 Would you be so condescending as to share a
pot with me？'
There was something so ambiguous and secret in the little man's
perpetual signalling； that I confess my curiosity was much aroused。
Blaming myself； even as I did so； for the indiscretion； I embraced
his proposal； and we were soon face to face over a tankard of
mulled ale。 He lowered his voice to the least attenuation of a
whisper。
'Here； sir；' said he； 'is to the Great Man。 I think you take me？
No？' He leaned forward till our noses touched。 'Here is to the
Emperor！' said he。
I was extremely embarrassed； and； in spite of the creature's
innocent appearance； more than half alarmed。 I thought him too
ingenious； and； indeed； too daring for a spy。 Yet if he were
honest he must be a man of extraordinary indiscretion； and
therefore very unfit to be encouraged by an escaped prisoner。 I
took a half course； accordingly … accepted his toast in silence；
and drank it without enthusiasm。
He proceeded to abound in the praises of Napoleon； such as I had
never heard in France； or at least only on the lips of officials
paid to offer them。
'And this Caffarelli； now；' he pursued： 'he is a splendid fellow；
too； is he not？ I have not heard vastly much of him myself。 No
details； sir … no details！ We labour under huge difficulties here
as to unbiassed information。'
'I believe I have heard the same complaint in other countries；' I
could not help remarking。 'But as to Caffarelli； he is neither
lame nor blind； he has two legs and a nose in the middle of his
face。 And I care as much about him as you care for the dead body
of Mr。 Perceval！'
He studied me with glowing eyes。
'You cannot deceive me！' he cried。 'You have served under him。
You are a Frenchman！ I hold by the hand； at last； one of that
noble race； the pioneers of the glorious principles of liberty and
brotherhood。 Hush！ No； it is all right。 I thought there had been
somebody at the door。 In this wretched； enslaved country we dare
not even call our souls our own。 The spy and the hangman； sir …
the spy and the hangman！ And yet there is a candle burning； too。
The good leaven is working； sir … working underneath。 Even in this
town there are a few brave spirits； who meet every Wednesday。 You
must stay over a day or so； and join us。 We do not use this house。
Another； and a quieter。 They draw fine ale； however … fair； mild
ale。 You will find yourself among friends； among brothers。 You
will hear some very daring sentiments expressed！' he cried；
expanding his small chest。 'Monarchy； Christianity … all the
trappings of a bloated past … the Free Confraternity of Durham and
Tyneside deride。'
Here was a devil of a prospect for a gentleman whose whole design
was to avoid observation！ The Free Confraternity had no charms for
me； daring sentiments were no part of my baggage； and I tried；
instead； a little cold water。
'You seem to forget； sir； that my Emperor has re…established
Christianity；' I observed。
'Ah； sir； but that was policy！' he exclaimed。 'You do not
understand Napoleon。 I have followed his whole career。 I can
explain his policy from first to last。 Now for instance in the
Peninsula； on which you were so very amusing； if you will come to a
friend's house who has a map of Spain； I can make the whole course
of the war quite clear to you； I venture to say； in half an hour。'
This was intolerable。 Of the two extremes； I found I preferred the
British tory； and； making an appointment for the morrow； I pleaded
sudden headache； escaped to the inn； packed my knapsack； and fled；
about nine at night； from this accursed neighbourhood。 It was
cold； starry； and clear； and the road dry； with a touch of frost。
For all that； I had not the smallest intention to make a long stage
of it； and about ten o'clock； spying on the right…hand side of the
way the lighted windows of an alehouse； I determined to bait there
for the night。
It was against my principle； which was to frequent only the dearest
inns； and the misadventure that befell me was sufficient to make me
more particular in the future。 A large company was assembled in
the parlour； which was heavy with clouds of tobacco smoke； and
brightly lighted up by a roaring fire of coal。 Hard by the chimney
stood a vacant chair in what I thought an enviable situation；
whether for warmth or the pleasure of society； and I was about to
take it； when the nearest of the company stopped me with his hand。
'Beg thy pardon； sir；' said he； 'but that there chair belongs to a
British soldier。'
A chorus of voices enforced and explained。 It was one of Lord
Wellington's heroes。 He had been wounded under Rowland Hill。 He
was Colbourne's right…hand man。 In short； this favoured individual
appeared to have served with every separate corps； and under every
individual general in the Peninsula。 Of course I apologised。 I
had not known。 The devil was in it if a soldier had not a right to
the best in England。 And with that sentiment； which was loudly
applauded； I found a corner of a bench； and awaited； with some
hopes of entertainment； the return of the hero。 He proved； of
course； to be a private soldier。 I say of course； because no
officer could possibly enjoy such heights of popularity。 He had
been wounded before San Sebastian； and still wore his arm in a
sling。 What was a great deal worse for him； every member of the
company had been plying him with drink。 His honest yokel's
countenance blazed as if with fever； his eyes were glazed and
looked the two ways； and his feet stumbled as； amidst a murmur of
applause； he returned to the midst of his admirers。
Two minutes afterwards I was again posting in the dark along the
highway； to explain which sudden movement of retreat I must trouble
the reader with a reminiscence of my services。
I lay one night with the out…pickets in Castile。 We were in close
touch with the enemy； the usual orders had been issued against
smoking； fires； and talk； and both armies lay as quiet as mice；
when I saw the English sentinel opposite making a signal by holding
up his musket。 I repeated it； and we both crept together in the
dry bed of a stream； which made the demarcation of the armies。 It
was wine he wanted； of which we had a good provision； and the
English had quite run out。 He gave me the money； and I； as was the
custom； left him my firelock in pledge； and set off for the
canteen。 When I returned with a skin of wine； behold； it had
pleased some uneasy devil of an English officer to withdraw the
outposts！ Here was a situation with a vengeance； and I looked for
nothing but ridicule in the present and punishment in th