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gentleman as would be the last to make trouble between friends。'
'I am sure you do me no more than justice；' said I； 'and I shall
think it quite unnecessary to dwell on any of these passing
circumstances in my report to the Vicomte。'
'Which you do favour him （if you'll excuse me being so bold as to
mention it） exac'ly！' said he。 'I should have known you anywheres。
May I offer you a pot of 'ome…brewed ale； sir？ By your leave！
This way； if you please。 I am 'eartily grateful … 'eartily pleased
to be of any service to a gentleman like you； sir； which is related
to the Vis…count； and really a fambly of which you might well be
proud！ Take care of the step； sir。 You have good news of 'is
'ealth； I trust？ as well as that of Monseer the Count？'
God forgive me！ the horrible fellow was still puffing and panting
with the fury of his assault； and already he had fallen into an
obsequious； wheedling familiarity like that of an old servant； …
already he was flattering me on my family connections！
I followed him through the house into the stable…yard； where I
observed the driver washing the cart in a shed。 He must have heard
the explosion of the pistol。 He could not choose but hear it： the
thing was shaped like a little blunderbuss； charged to the mouth；
and made a report like a piece of field artillery。 He had heard；
he had paid no attention； and now； as we came forth by the back…
door； he raised for a moment a pale and tell…tale face that was as
direct as a confession。 The rascal had expected to see Fenn come
forth alone； he was waiting to be called on for that part of
sexton； which I had already allotted to him in fancy。
I need not detain the reader very long with any description of my
visit to the back…kitchen； of how we mulled our ale there； and
mulled it very well； nor of how we sat talking； Fenn like an old；
faithful； affectionate dependant； and I … well！ I myself fallen
into a mere admiration of so much impudence； that transcended
words； and had very soon conquered animosity。 I took a fancy to
the man； he was so vast a humbug。 I began to see a kind of beauty
in him； his APLOMB was so majestic。 I never knew a rogue to cut so
fat； his villainy was ample； like his belly； and I could scarce
find it in my heart to hold him responsible for either。 He was
good enough to drop into the autobiographical； telling me how the
farm； in spite of the war and the high prices； had proved a
disappointment； how there was 'a sight of cold； wet land as you
come along the 'igh…road'； how the winds and rains and the seasons
had been misdirected； it seemed 'o' purpose'； how Mrs。 Fenn had
died … 'I lost her coming two year agone； a remarkable fine woman；
my old girl； sir！ if you'll excuse me；' he added； with a burst of
humility。 In short； he gave me an opportunity of studying John
Bull； as I may say； stuffed naked … his greed； his usuriousness；
his hypocrisy； his perfidy of the back…stairs； all swelled to the
superlative … such as was well worth the little disarray and
fluster of our passage in the hall。
CHAPTER XIII … I MEET TWO OF MY COUNTRYMEN
AS soon as I judged it safe； and that was not before Burchell Fenn
had talked himself back into his breath and a complete good humour；
I proposed he should introduce me to the French officers；
henceforth to become my fellow…passengers。 There were two of them；
it appeared； and my heart beat as I approached the door。 The
specimen of Perfidious Albion whom I had just been studying gave me
the stronger zest for my fellow…countrymen。 I could have embraced
them； I could have wept on their necks。 And all the time I was
going to a disappointment。
It was in a spacious and low room； with an outlook on the court；
that I found them bestowed。 In the good days of that house the
apartment had probably served as a library； for there were traces
of shelves along the wainscot。 Four or five mattresses lay on the
floor in a corner； with a frowsy heap of bedding； near by was a
basin and a cube of soap； a rude kitchen…table and some deal chairs
stood together at the far end； and the room was illuminated by no
less than four windows； and warmed by a little； crazy； sidelong
grate； propped up with bricks in the vent of a hospitable chimney；
in which a pile of coals smoked prodigiously and gave out a few
starveling flames。 An old； frail； white…haired officer sat in one
of the chairs； which he had drawn close to this apology for a fire。
He was wrapped in a camlet cloak； of which the collar was turned
up； his knees touched the bars； his hands were spread in the very
smoke； and yet he shivered for cold。 The second … a big； florid；
fine animal of a man； whose every gesture labelled him the cock of
the walk and the admiration of the ladies … had apparently
despaired of the fire； and now strode up and down； sneezing hard；
bitterly blowing his nose； and proffering a continual stream of
bluster； complaint； and barrack…room oaths。
Fenn showed me in with the brief form of introduction： 'Gentlemen
all； this here's another fare！' and was gone again at once。 The
old man gave me but the one glance out of lack…lustre eyes； and
even as he looked a shiver took him as sharp as a hiccough。 But
the other； who represented to admiration the picture of a Beau in a
Catarrh； stared at me arrogantly。
'And who are you； sir？' he asked。
I made the military salute to my superiors。
'Champdivers； private； Eighth of the Line；' said I。
'Pretty business！' said he。 'And you are going on with us？ Three
in a cart； and a great trolloping private at that！ And who is to
pay for you； my fine fellow？' he inquired。
'If monsieur comes to that；' I answered civilly； 'who paid for
him？'
'Oh； if you choose to play the wit！' said he； … and began to rail
at large upon his destiny； the weather； the cold； the danger and
the expense of the escape； and； above all； the cooking of the
accursed English。 It seemed to annoy him particularly that I
should have joined their party。 'If you knew what you were doing；
thirty thousand millions of pigs！ you would keep yourself to
yourself！ The horses can't drag the cart； the roads are all ruts
and swamps。 No longer ago than last night the Colonel and I had to
march half the way … thunder of God！ … half the way to the knees in
mud … and I with this infernal cold … and the danger of detection！
Happily we met no one： a desert … a real desert … like the whole
abominable country！ Nothing to eat … no； sir； there is nothing to
eat but raw cow and greens boiled in water … nor to drink but
Worcestershire sauce！ Now I； with my catarrh； I have no appetite；
is it not so？ Well； if I were in France； I should have a good soup
with a crust in it； an omelette； a fowl in rice； a partridge in
cabbages … things to tempt me； thunder of God！ But here … day of
God！ … what a country！ And cold； too！ They talk about Russia …
this is all the cold I want！ And the people … look at them！ What
a race！ Never any handsome men； never any fine officers！' … and he
looked down complacently for a moment at his waist … 'And the women
… what faggots！ No； that is one point clear； I cannot stomach the
English！'
There was something in this man so antipathetic to me； as sent the
mustard into my nose。 I can never bear your bucks and dandies；
even when they are decent…looking and well dressed； and the Major …
for that was his rank … was the image of a flunkey in good luck。
Even to be in agreement with him； or to seem to be so； was more
than I could make out to endure。
'You could scarce be expected to stomach them；' said I civilly；
'after having just digested your parole。'
He whipped round on his heel and turned on me a countenance which I
dare say he imagined to be awful； but another fit of sneezing cut
him off ere he could come the length of speech。
'I have not tried the dish myself；' I took the opportunity to add。
'It is said to be unpalatable。 Did monsieur find it so？'
With surprising vivacity the Colonel woke from his lethargy。 He
was between us ere another word could pass。
'Shame； gentlemen！' he said。 'Is this a time for Frenchmen and
fellow…soldiers to fall out？ We are in the midst of our enemies； a
quarrel； a loud word； may suffice to plunge us back into
irretrievable distress。 MONSIEUR LE COMMANDANT； you have been
gravely offended。 I make it my request； I make it my prayer … if
need be； I give you my orders … that the matter shall stand by
until we come safe to France。 Then； if you please； I will serve
you in any capacity。 And for you； young man； you have shown all
the cruelty and carelessness of youth。 This gentleman is your
superior； he is no longer young' … at which word you are to
conceive the Major's face。 'It is admitt