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truth； these country folks did not give themselves the pains； and
had scarce the knowledge； to be critical。
About nine or ten at night the pains of hunger and cold drove us to
an alehouse in the flats of Bedfordshire； not far from Bedford
itself。 In the inn kitchen was a long； lean； characteristic…
looking fellow of perhaps forty； dressed in black。 He sat on a
settle by the fireside； smoking a long pipe； such as they call a
yard of clay。 His hat and wig were hanged upon the knob behind
him； his head as bald as a bladder of lard； and his expression very
shrewd； cantankerous； and inquisitive。 He seemed to value himself
above his company； to give himself the airs of a man of the world
among that rustic herd； which was often no more than his due；
being； as I afterwards discovered； an attorney's clerk。 I took
upon myself the more ungrateful part of arriving last； and by the
time I entered on the scene the Major was already served at a side
table。 Some general conversation must have passed； and I smelled
danger in the air。 The Major looked flustered； the attorney's
clerk triumphant； and three or four peasants in smock…frocks （who
sat about the fire to play chorus） had let their pipes go out。
'Give you good evening； sir！' said the attorney's clerk to me。
'The same to you； sir；' said I。
'I think this one will do；' quoth the clerk to the yokels with a
wink； and then； as soon as I had given my order； 'Pray； sir；
whither are you bound？' he added。
'Sir；' said I； 'I am not one of those who speak either of their
business or their destination in houses of public entertainment。'
'A good answer；' said he； 'and an excellent principle。 Sir； do you
speak French？'
'Why； no； sir；' said I。 'A little Spanish at your service。'
'But you know the French accent； perhaps？' said the clerk。
'Well do I do that！' said I。 'The French accent？ Why； I believe I
can tell a Frenchman in ten words。'
'Here is a puzzle for you； then！' he said。 'I have no material
doubt myself； but some of these gentlemen are more backward。 The
lack of education； you know。 I make bold to say that a man cannot
walk； cannot hear； and cannot see； without the blessings of
education。'
He turned to the Major； whose food plainly stuck in his throat。
'Now； sir；' pursued the clerk； 'let me have the pleasure to hear
your voice again。 Where are you going； did you say？'
'Sare； I am go…ing to Lon…don；' said the Major。
I could have flung my plate at him to be such an ass； and to have
so little a gift of languages where that was the essential。
'What think ye of that？' said the clerk。 'Is that French enough？'
'Good God！' cried I； leaping up like one who should suddenly
perceive an acquaintance； 'is this you； Mr。 Dubois？ Why； who would
have dreamed of encountering you so far from home？' As I spoke； I
shook hands with the Major heartily； and turning to our tormentor；
'Oh； sir； you may be perfectly reassured！ This is a very honest
fellow； a late neighbour of mine in the city of Carlisle。'
I thought the attorney looked put out； I little knew the man！
'But he is French；' said he； 'for all that？'
'Ay； to be sure！' said I。 'A Frenchman of the emigration！ None of
your Buonaparte lot。 I will warrant his views of politics to be as
sound as your own。'
'What is a little strange；' said the clerk quietly； 'is that Mr。
Dubois should deny it。'
I got it fair in the face； and took it smiling； but the shock was
rude； and in the course of the next words I contrived to do what I
have rarely done； and make a slip in my English。 I kept my liberty
and life by my proficiency all these months； and for once that I
failed； it is not to be supposed that I would make a public
exhibition of the details。 Enough； that it was a very little
error； and one that might have passed ninety…nine times in a
hundred。 But my limb of the law was as swift to pick it up as
though he had been by trade a master of languages。
'Aha！' cries he； 'and you are French； too！ Your tongue bewrays
you。 Two Frenchmen coming into an alehouse； severally and
accidentally； not knowing each other； at ten of the clock at night；
in the middle of Bedfordshire？ No； sir； that shall not pass！ You
are all prisoners escaping； if you are nothing worse。 Consider
yourselves under arrest。 I have to trouble you for your papers。'
'Where is your warrant； if you come to that？' said I。 'My papers！
A likely thing that I would show my papers on the IPSE DIXIT of an
unknown fellow in a hedge alehouse！'
'Would you resist the law？' says he。
'Not the law； sir！' said I。 'I hope I am too good a subject for
that。 But for a nameless fellow with a bald head and a pair of
gingham small…clothes； why certainly！ 'Tis my birthright as an
Englishman。 Where's MAGNA CHARTA； else？'
'We will see about that；' says he； and then； addressing the
assistants； 'where does the constable live？'
'Lord love you； sir！' cried the landlord； 'what are you thinking
of？ The constable at past ten at night！ Why； he's abed and
asleep； and good and drunk two hours agone！'
'Ah that a' be！' came in chorus from the yokels。
The attorney's clerk was put to a stand。 He could not think of
force； there was little sign of martial ardour about the landlord；
and the peasants were indifferent … they only listened； and gaped；
and now scratched a head； and now would get a light to their pipes
from the embers on the hearth。 On the other hand； the Major and I
put a bold front on the business and defied him； not without some
ground of law。 In this state of matters he proposed I should go
along with him to one Squire Merton； a great man of the
neighbourhood； who was in the commission of the peace； the end of
his avenue but three lanes away。 I told him I would not stir a
foot for him if it were to save his soul。 Next he proposed I
should stay all night where I was； and the constable could see to
my affair in the morning； when he was sober。 I replied I should go
when and where I pleased； that we were lawful travellers in the
fear of God and the king； and I for one would suffer myself to be
stayed by nobody。 At the same time； I was thinking the matter had
lasted altogether too long； and I determined to bring it to an end
at once。
'See here；' said I； getting up； for till now I had remained
carelessly seated； 'there's only one way to decide a thing like
this … only one way that's right ENGLISH … and that's man to man。
Take off your coat； sir； and these gentlemen shall see fair play。'
At this there came a look in his eye that I could not mistake。 His
education had been neglected in one essential and eminently British
particular： he could not box。 No more could I； you may say； but
then I had the more impudence … and I had made the proposal。
'He says I'm no Englishman； but the proof of the pudding is the
eating of it；' I continued。 And here I stripped my coat and fell
into the proper attitude； which was just about all I knew of this
barbarian art。 'Why； sir； you seem to me to hang back a little；'
said I。 'Come； I'll meet you； I'll give you an appetiser … though
hang me if I can understand the man that wants any enticement to
hold up his hands。' I drew a bank…note out of my fob and tossed it
to the landlord。 'There are the stakes；' said I。 'I'll fight you
for first blood； since you seem to make so much work about it。 If
you tap my claret first； there are five guineas for you； and I'll
go with you to any squire you choose to mention。 If I tap yours；
you'll perhaps let on that I'm the better man； and allow me to go
about my lawful business at my own time and convenience； by God； is
that fair； my lads？' says I； appealing to the company。
'Ay； ay；' said the chorus of chawbacons； 'he can't say no fairer
nor that； he can't。 Take off thy coat master！'
The limb of the law was now on the wrong side of public opinion；
and； what heartened me to go on； the position was rapidly changing
in our favour。 Already the Major was paying his shot to the very
indifferent landlord； and I could see the white face of King at the
back…door； making signals of haste。
'Oho！' quoth my enemy； 'you are as full of doubles as a fox； are
you not？ But I see through you； I see through and through you。
You would change the venue； would you？'
'I may be transparent； sir；' says I； 'but if you'll do me the
favour to stand up； you'll find I can hit dam hard。'
'Which is a point； if you will observe； that I had never called in
question；' said he。 'Why； you ignorant clowns；' he proceeded；
addressing the company； 'can't you see the fellow's gulling you
before your eyes？ Can't you see that he has changed the point upon
me？ I say he's a French prisoner； and he answers that he can box！