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fool and no gentleman。
I have said they were man and woman。 I should have said man and
child。 She was certainly not more than seventeen； pretty as an
angel； just plump enough to damn a saint； and dressed in various
shades of blue； from her stockings to her saucy cap； in a kind of
taking gamut； the top note of which she flung me in a beam from her
too appreciative eye。 There was no doubt about the case： I saw it
all。 From a boarding…school； a black…board； a piano； and
Clementi's SONATINAS； the child had made a rash adventure upon life
in the company of a half…bred hawbuck； and she was already not only
regretting it； but expressing her regret with point and pungency。
As I alighted they both paused with that unmistakable air of being
interrupted in a scene。 I uncovered to the lady and placed my
services at their disposal。
It was the man who answered。 'There's no use in shamming； sir；'
said he。 'This lady and I have run away； and her father's after
us： road to Gretna； sir。 And here have these nincompoops spilt us
in the ditch and smashed the chaise！'
'Very provoking；' said I。
'I don't know when I've been so provoked！' cried he； with a glance
down the road； of mortal terror。
'The father is no doubt very much incensed？' I pursued civilly。
'O God！' cried the hawbuck。 'In short； you see； we must get out of
this。 And I'll tell you what … it may seem cool； but necessity has
no law … if you would lend us your chaise to the next post…house；
it would be the very thing； sir。'
'I confess it seems cool；' I replied。
'What's that you say； sir？' he snapped。
'I was agreeing with you；' said I。 'Yes； it does seem cool； and
what is more to the point； it seems unnecessary。 This thing can be
arranged in a more satisfactory manner otherwise； I think。 You can
doubtless ride？'
This opened a door on the matter of their previous dispute； and the
fellow appeared life…sized in his true colours。 'That's what I've
been telling her： that； damn her！ she must ride！' he broke out。
'And if the gentleman's of the same mind； why； damme； you shall！'
As he said so； he made a snatch at her wrist； which she evaded with
horror。
I stepped between them。
'No； sir；' said I； 'the lady shall not。'
He turned on me raging。 'And who are you to interfere？' he roared。
'There is here no question of who I am；' I replied。 'I may be the
devil or the Archbishop of Canterbury for what you know； or need
know。 The point is that I can help you … it appears that nobody
else can； and I will tell you how I propose to do it。 I will give
the lady a seat in my chaise； if you will return the compliment by
allowing my servant to ride one of your horses。'
I thought he would have sprung at my throat。
'You have always the alternative before you： to wait here for the
arrival of papa；' I added。
And that settled him。 He cast another haggard look down the road；
and capitulated。
'I am sure； sir； the lady is very much obliged to you；' he said；
with an ill grace。
I gave her my hand； she mounted like a bird into the chaise；
Rowley； grinning from ear to ear； closed the door behind us； the
two impudent rascals of post…boys cheered and laughed aloud as we
drove off； and my own postillion urged his horses at once into a
rattling trot。 It was plain I was supposed by all to have done a
very dashing act； and ravished the bride from the ravisher。
In the meantime I stole a look at the little lady。 She was in a
state of pitiable discomposure； and her arms shook on her lap in
her black lace mittens。
'Madam … ' I began。
And she； in the same moment； finding her voice： 'O； what you must
think of me！'
'Madam；' said I； 'what must any gentleman think when he sees youth；
beauty and innocence in distress？ I wish I could tell you that I
was old enough to be your father； I think we must give that up；' I
continued； with a smile。 'But I will tell you something about
myself which ought to do as well； and to set that little heart at
rest in my society。 I am a lover。 May I say it of myself … for I
am not quite used to all the niceties of English … that I am a true
lover？ There is one whom I admire； adore； obey； she is no less
good than she is beautiful； if she were here； she would take you to
her arms： conceive that she has sent me … that she has said to me；
〃Go； be her knight！〃'
'O； I know she must be sweet； I know she must be worthy of you！'
cried the little lady。 'She would never forget female decorum …
nor make the terrible ERRATUM I've done！'
And at this she lifted up her voice and wept。
This did not forward matters： it was in vain that I begged her to
be more composed and to tell me a plain； consecutive tale of her
misadventures； but she continued instead to pour forth the most
extraordinary mixture of the correct school miss and the poor
untutored little piece of womanhood in a false position … of
engrafted pedantry and incoherent nature。
'I am certain it must have been judicial blindness；' she sobbed。
'I can't think how I didn't see it； but I didn't； and he isn't； is
he？ And then a curtain rose 。 。 。 O； what a moment was that！ But
I knew at once that YOU WERE； you had but to appear from your
carriage； and I knew it； O； she must be a fortunate young lady！
And I have no fear with you； none … a perfect confidence。'
'Madam；' said I； 'a gentleman。'
'That's what I mean … a gentleman；' she exclaimed。 'And he … and
that … HE isn't。 O； how shall I dare meet father！' And disclosing
to me her tear…stained face； and opening her arms with a tragic
gesture： 'And I am quite disgraced before all the young ladies； my
school…companions！' she added。
'O； not so bad as that！' I cried。 'Come； come； you exaggerate； my
dear Miss … ？ Excuse me if I am too familiar： I have not yet heard
your name。'
'My name is Dorothy Greensleeves； sir： why should I conceal it？ I
fear it will only serve to point an adage to future generations；
and I had meant so differently！ There was no young female in the
county more emulous to be thought well of than I。 And what a fall
was there！ O； dear me； what a wicked； piggish donkey of a girl I
have made of myself； to be sure！ And there is no hope！ O； Mr。 … '
And at that she paused and asked my name。
I am not writing my eulogium for the Academy； I will admit it was
unpardonably imbecile； but I told it her。 If you had been there …
and seen her； ravishingly pretty and little； a baby in years and
mind … and heard her talking like a book； with so much of
schoolroom propriety in her manner； with such an innocent despair
in the matter … you would probably have told her yours。 She
repeated it after me。
'I shall pray for you all my life；' she said。 'Every night； when I
retire to rest； the last thing I shall do is to remember you by
name。'
Presently I succeeded in winning from her her tale； which was much
what I had anticipated： a tale of a schoolhouse； a walled garden； a
fruit…tree that concealed a bench； an impudent raff posturing in
church； an exchange of flowers and vows over the garden wall； a
silly schoolmate for a confidante； a chaise and four； and the most
immediate and perfect disenchantment on the part of the little
lady。 'And there is nothing to be done！' she wailed in conclusion。
'My error is irretrievable； I am quite forced to that conclusion。
O； Monsieur de Saint…Yves！ who would have thought that I could have
been such a blind； wicked donkey！'
I should have said before … only that I really do not know when it
came in … that we had been overtaken by the two post…boys； Rowley
and Mr。 Bellamy； which was the hawbuck's name； bestriding the four
post…horses； and that these formed a sort of cavalry escort； riding
now before； now behind the chaise； and Bellamy occasionally
posturing at the window and obliging us with some of his
conversation。 He was so ill…received that I declare I was tempted
to pity him； remembering from what a height he had fallen； and how
few hours ago it was since the lady had herself fled to his arms；
all blushes and ardour。 Well； these great strokes of fortune
usually befall the unworthy； and Bellamy was now the legitimate
object of my commiseration and the ridicule of his own post…boys！
'Miss Dorothy；' said I； 'you wish to be delivered from this man？'
'O； if it were possible！' she cried。 'But not by violence。'
'Not in the least； ma'am；' I replied。 'The simplest thing in life。
We are in a civilised country； the man's a malefactor … '
'O； never！' she cried。 'Do not even dream it！ With all his
faults； I know he is not THAT。'
'Anyway； he's in the wrong in this affair … on the wrong side of
the law； call it what you please；' said I； and with that； our four