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'You fool； you have done it now！'
'They do seem to have got 'old of your name； Mr。 Anne；' said
Rowley。 'It weren't my fault this time。'
'It was one of those accidents that can never be foreseen；' said I；
affecting a dignity that I was far from feeling。 'Some one
recognised me。'
'Which on 'em； Mr。 Anne？' said the rascal。
'That is a senseless question； it can make no difference who it
was；' I returned。
'No； nor that it can't！' cried Rowley。 'I say； Mr。 Anne； sir； it's
what you would call a jolly mess； ain't it？ looks like 〃clean
bowled…out in the middle stump；〃 don't it？'
'I fail to understand you； Rowley。'
'Well； what I mean is； what are we to do about this one？' pointing
to the postillion in front of us； as he alternately hid and
revealed his patched breeches to the trot of his horse。 'He see
you get in this morning under Mr。 RAMORNIE … I was very piticular
to MR。 RAMORNIE you； if you remember； sir … and he see you get in
again under Mr。 Saint Eaves； and whatever's he going to see you get
out under？ that's what worries me； sir。 It don't seem to me like
as if the position was what you call STRATETEGIC！'
'PARRRBLEU！ will you let me be！' I cried。 'I have to think； you
cannot imagine how your constant idiotic prattle annoys me。'
'Beg pardon； Mr。 Anne；' said he； and the next moment； 'You wouldn't
like for us to do our French now； would you； Mr。 Anne？'
'Certainly not；' said I。 'Play upon your flageolet。'
The which he did with what seemed to me to be irony。
Conscience doth make cowards of us all！ I was so downcast by my
pitiful mismanagement of the morning's business that I shrank from
the eye of my own hired infant； and read offensive meanings into
his idle tootling。
I took off my coat； and set to mending it； soldier…fashion； with a
needle and thread。 There is nothing more conducive to thought；
above all in arduous circumstances； and as I sewed； I gradually
gained a clearness upon my affairs。 I must be done with the
claret…coloured chaise at once。 It should be sold at the next
stage for what it would bring。 Rowley and I must take back to the
road on our four feet； and after a decent interval of trudging； get
places on some coach for Edinburgh again under new names！ So much
trouble and toil； so much extra risk and expense and loss of time；
and all for a slip of the tongue to a little lady in blue！
CHAPTER XXIV … THE INN…KEEPER OF KIRKBY…LONSDALE
I HAD hitherto conceived and partly carried out an ideal that was
dear to my heart。 Rowley and I descended from our claret…coloured
chaise； a couple of correctly dressed； brisk； bright…eyed young
fellows； like a pair of aristocratic mice； attending singly to our
own affairs； communicating solely with each other； and that with
the niceties and civilities of drill。 We would pass through the
little crowd before the door with high…bred preoccupation；
inoffensively haughty； after the best English pattern； and
disappear within； followed by the envy and admiration of the
bystanders； a model master and servant； point…device in every part。
It was a heavy thought to me； as we drew up before the inn at
Kirkby…Lonsdale； that this scene was now to be enacted for the last
time。 Alas！ and had I known it； it was to go of with so inferior a
grace！
I had been injudiciously liberal to the post…boys of the chaise and
four。 My own post…boy； he of the patched breeches； now stood
before me； his eyes glittering with greed； his hand advanced。 It
was plain he anticipated something extraordinary by way of a
POURBOIRE； and considering the marches and counter…marches by which
I had extended the stage； the military character of our affairs
with Mr。 Bellamy； and the bad example I had set before him at the
archdeacon's； something exceptional was certainly to be done。 But
these are always nice questions； to a foreigner above all： a shade
too little will suggest niggardliness； a shilling too much smells
of hush…money。 Fresh from the scene at the archdeacon's； and
flushed by the idea that I was now nearly done with the
responsibilities of the claret…coloured chaise； I put into his
hands five guineas； and the amount served only to waken his
cupidity。
'O； come； sir； you ain't going to fob me of with this？ Why； I seen
fire at your side！' he cried。
It would never do to give him more； I felt I should become the
fable of Kirkby…Lonsdale if I did； and I looked him in the face；
sternly but still smiling； and addressed him with a voice of
uncompromising firmness。
'If you do not like it； give it back；' said I。
He pocketed the guineas with the quickness of a conjurer； and； like
a base…born cockney as he was； fell instantly to casting dirt。
' 'Ave your own way of it； Mr。 Ramornie … leastways Mr。 St。 Eaves；
or whatever your blessed name may be。 Look 'ere' … turning for
sympathy to the stable…boys … 'this is a blessed business。 Blessed
'ard； I calls it。 'Ere I takes up a blessed son of a pop…gun what
calls hisself anything you care to mention； and turns out to be a
blessed MOUNSEER at the end of it！ 'Ere 'ave I been drivin' of him
up and down all day； a…carrying off of gals； a…shootin' of
pistyils； and a…drinkin' of sherry and hale； and wot does he up and
give me but a blank； blank； blanketing blank！'
The fellow's language had become too powerful for reproduction； and
I passed it by。
Meanwhile I observed Rowley fretting visibly at the bit； another
moment； and he would have added a last touch of the ridiculous to
our arrival by coming to his hands with the postillion。
'Rowley！' cried I reprovingly。
Strictly it should have been Gammon； but in the hurry of the
moment； my fault （I can only hope） passed unperceived。 At the same
time I caught the eye of the postmaster。 He was long and lean； and
brown and bilious； he had the drooping nose of the humourist； and
the quick attention of a man of parts。 He read my embarrassment in
a glance； stepped instantly forward； sent the post…boy to the
rightabout with half a word； and was back next moment at my side。
'Dinner in a private room； sir？ Very well。 John； No。 4！ What
wine would you care to mention？ Very well； sir。 Will you please
to order fresh horses？ Not； sir？ Very well。'
Each of these expressions was accompanied by something in the
nature of a bow； and all were prefaced by something in the nature
of a smile； which I could very well have done without。 The man's
politeness was from the teeth outwards； behind and within； I was
conscious of a perpetual scrutiny： the scene at his doorstep； the
random confidences of the post…boy； had not been thrown away on
this observer； and it was under a strong fear of coming trouble
that I was shown at last into my private room。 I was in half a
mind to have put off the whole business。 But the truth is； now my
name had got abroad； my fear of the mail that was coming； and the
handbills it should contain； had waxed inordinately； and I felt I
could never eat a meal in peace till I had severed my connection
with the claret…coloured chaise。
Accordingly； as soon as I had done with dinner； I sent my
compliments to the landlord and requested he should take a glass of
wine with me。 He came； we exchanged the necessary civilities； and
presently I approached my business。
'By the bye；' said I； 'we had a brush down the road to…day。 I dare
say you may have heard of it？'
He nodded。
'And I was so unlucky as to get a pistol ball in the panel of my
chaise；' I continued； 'which makes it simply useless to me。 Do you
know any one likely to buy？'
'I can well understand that；' said the landlord； 'I was looking at
it just now； it's as good as ruined； is that chaise。 General rule；
people don't like chaises with bullet…holes。'
'Too much ROMANCE OF THE FOREST？' I suggested； recalling my little
friend of the morning； and what I was sure had been her favourite
reading … Mrs。 Radcliffe's novels。
'Just so；' said he。 'They may be right； they may be wrong； I'm not
the judge。 But I suppose it's natural； after all； for respectable
people to like things respectable about them； not bullet…holes； nor
puddles of blood； nor men with aliases。'
I took a glass of wine and held it up to the light to show that my
hand was steady。
'Yes；' said I； 'I suppose so。'
'You have papers； of course； showing you are the proper owner？' he
inquired。
'There is the bill； stamped and receipted；' said I； tossing it
across to him。
He looked at it。
'This all you have？' he asked。
'It is enough； at least；' said I。 'It shows you where I bought and
what I paid for it。'
'Well； I don't know；' he said。 'You want some paper of
identification。'
'To identify the chaise？' I