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the sentimental imaginations of the masses in the beautiful Christmas
numbers of our artistic day。 Enchanting little girls and exceedingly
human dogs observed his entrance from every hand； while such
penetrating and suggestive legends as 〃Don't bite！〃 〃Mustn't！〃
〃Naughty！〃 〃Would 'ums？〃 and the like； filled his mind with the lofty
thoughts so suitable to the Christmas season。 Over the mantelpiece was
a /Cook's Almanac for the Home/； decorated in bright colours； a
/Butler's own book/； bound in claret…coloured linen； and a large framed
photograph of Francatelli； that immortal /chef/ whose memory is kept
green in so many kitchens； and whose recipes are still followed as are
followed the footprints of the great ones in the Everlasting Sands of
Time。 One corner of the room Gustavus had made his own； and here might
be seen his tasteful what…not and his little libraryneatly arranged
unabridged farthing editions of Drummond's /Ascent of Man/； Mill's
/Liberty/； Crampton's /Origin of Self…Respect/； Barlow's /A
Philosophical Examination into the Art and Practice of Tipping and
Receiving Tips/； and other volumes suitable for an intellectual
footman's reading。 An eight…day clock； which was carefully and lovingly
wound up by the prudent Mrs。 Fancy Quinglet every morning and evening；
snored peacefully in a recess by the hearth； and； from a crevice near
the window； the bright； intelligent eyes of a couple of well…developed
black…beetlesmother and soncontentedly surveyed the cheerful scene。
The Prophet； after a moment's pause of contemplation； passed on through
a swing door； covered with green baize； and down some stairs to the
inner courts of this interesting region。 This time he came to anchor in
a room which； he thought； might well have been a butler's pantry had it
contained a large…sized telescope。 It was in fact the parlour set apart
for the use of the kitchen and scullery maids； and was brightly fitted
up with a dresser； a cupboard for skewers； a rolling…pin； a basting
machine； and other similar adjuncts。 It gave on to the kitchen； in
which the cat of the house was enjoying well…earned slumber in the
attitude of a black ball。 So far his exploring tour had quite fulfilled
the rather vague expectations of the Prophet； but he now began to feel
anxious。 Time was passing on and he had sworn to be at the telescope by
eleven sharp。 He had； therefore； already slightly fractured his oath；
and he had no desire to earn the anathema of all such men as Robert
Green by breaking it into small pieces。 Where was the butler's pantry？
He glanced eagerly round the kitchen； perceived a door； passed through
it； and found himself confronted by a sink。 He had gained the scullery；
but not his goal。 To the right of the sink was yet another door through
which the Prophet； who carried the planisphere in one hand； the George
the Third candlestick in the other； rather excitedly debouched into a
good…sized passage。 As he did so he heard the muffled alto voice of the
eight…day clock proclaim that it was a quarter…past eleven。 Feeling
that he was now upon the point of breaking both the promises of the
damned fool； the Prophet hastened along the passage； darted through the
first outlet； and found himself abruptly face to back with what
appeared at first glance to be an enormously broad and bow…legged
dwarf； with a bald head and a black tail coat； which； in an attitude of
savage curiosity； was gazing through a gigantic instrument； whose
muzzle projected from an open window into a spacious area。 So great was
the Prophet's surprise； so supreme the shock to his whole nervous
system occasioned by this unexpected encounter； that he did not utter a
cry。 His amazement carried him into that terrible region which lies
beyond the realms of speech。 He simply stood quite still and gazed at
the bow…legged dwarf； which； in its turn； continued to gaze savagely
through the gigantic instrument into the area。 Not for perhaps three or
four minutes did the Prophet realise that this dwarf was merely an
ingeniously shortened form of Mr。 Ferdinand； who； with his legs very
wide apart； and making two accurate right angles at their respective
knee…joints； his head thrown well back； and his arms arranged in two
perfect capital V's； with the elbows pointing directly at the walls on
either side of him； had been busily engaged for the last hour and a
quarter in trying to focus firstly the Lord Chancellor's house on the
opposite side of the square； and secondly the pleasant…looking second…
cook in it。 That his chivalrous efforts had not yet been crowned with
complete success will be understood when we say that he had seen during
his first half…hour of contemplation nothing at all； during his second
half…hour the left…hand top star of the Great Bear； and finally the
fourth spike from the end of the iron railing which enclosed the square
garden； at which he had been gazing closely for precisely fifteen
minutes and a half when the Prophet darted into the pantry。
Having at length recovered from his shock of surprise sufficiently to
realise that the enormous and immobile dwarf was Mr。 Ferdinand； and
that Mr。 Ferdinand was not yet aware of his presence； the Prophet
resolved to beat a rapid and noiseless retreat。 He carried this resolve
into execution by turning sharply round； knocking his head against a
plate chest； firing the George the Third candlestick into the passage；
and letting the planisphere go into the china jar of 〃Butler's own
special pomade〃 which Mr。 Ferdinand kept always open for use upon the
pantry table。
To say that Mr。 Ferdinand ceased from looking through the telescope for
the Lord Chancellor's second…cook at this juncture would； perhaps； not
convey quite a fair idea of the activity which he could on occasion
display even at his somewhat advanced age。 It might be more just to
state that； without wasting any precious time in useless elongation； he
described an exceedingly rapid circular movement； still preserving the
shortened form of himself which had so deceived and startled his
master； and brought his eye from the orifice of the telescope to a
level with the Prophet's knees exactly at the moment when the Prophet
rebounded from the plate chest into the centre of the apartment。
〃Oh； is it you； Mr。 Ferdinand？〃 said the Prophet； controlling every
symptom of anguish； with the exception of a rapid flutter of the
eyelids。 〃I was looking forfor a bradawl。〃
The Prophet's choice of this useful little implement as the reason for
his presence in Mr。 Ferdinand's special sanctum was prompted by the
fact that； just as he was speaking； he happened to see a bradawl lying
upon a neighbouring knife cupboard in the company of a corkscrew。
〃And here； I see； is just what I want；〃 he added calmly。
So far he had displayed extraordinary composure； but at this point he
made a slight mistake； for he picked up the corkscrew and sauntered
quietly away with it into the darkness； leaving Mr。 Ferdinand still in
the attitude of a Toby jug； the planisphere still head downwards in the
butler's own special pomade； and the George the Third candlestick
stretched at full length upon the passage floor。
CHAPTER X
THE PROPHET AND MALKIEL THE SECOND CONVERSE BY TELEGRAM
〃Hennessey Vivian； 1000 Berkeley Square； W。
〃Please wire result of last night's observations from eleven till
three inclusive。Sagittarius。〃
〃Jupiter Sagittarius； Sagittarius Lodge； Crampton St。 Peter； N。
〃Impossible wire result； will write at length after taking further
observations to…night。Vivian。〃
〃Certainly write at length； but meanwhile wire all important results
in condensed form。Sagittarius。〃
〃Results not sufficiently important to wire； letter without fail
to…morrow。Vivian。〃
〃Never mind unimportance； wire whatever results obtained。
Sagittarius。〃
〃On consideration think results too important to wire； will explain
by letter。Vivian。〃
〃Your second and third wires in direct contradiction； kindly
reconcile opposing statements。Sagittarius。〃
〃Cannot reconcile by wire； will do so by letter。Vivian。〃
〃Then meanwhile request forecast of grandmother so far as gathered
last night。Sagittarius。〃
〃Quite impossible discuss grandmother by wire。Vivian。〃
〃Not at all； couch in careful terms； shall understand； no need put
grandmother's name。Sagittarius。〃
〃Quite impossible； grandmother too sacred for treatment by wire；
long and full letter to…morrow。Vivian。〃
〃Absurd！ Call her Harry and wire her future as obtained last night；
shall understand。Sagittarius。〃
〃Cannot possibly consent call grandmother Harry； pray cease；
succession of telegraph boys to house attracting general attention
in square。Vivian。〃
〃Must insist； then call her Susan and wire。Sagittarius。〃
〃Cannot possibly consent to call her Susan； discussion of such
matter