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〃Must insist； then call her Susan and wire。Sagittarius。〃
〃Cannot possibly consent to call her Susan； discussion of such
matter by wire not decent； regret must absolutely decline。
Vivian。〃
〃Madame and self insulted by accusation not decent； demand
explanation and apology。Sagittarius。〃
〃Regret； no desire give pain to lady； but this must cease；
grandmother and square seriously upset by procession of telegraph
boys。Vivian。〃
〃Cannot help square and grandmother； must have last night's result
to compare with own observation of grandmother with crab and
scorpion。Sagittarius。〃
〃Pray cease； would rather die than discuss grandmother with crab
and scorpion by wire。Vivian。〃
〃Rubbish！ Call crab Susan； scorpion Jane； grandmother Harry； and
wire； absolutely insist。Sagittarius。〃
〃Absolutely decline discuss crab； scorpion and grandmother by wire；
final。Vivian。
〃Scandalous！ not behaviour of gentleman； Madame cut to heart；
infamous。Sagittarius。〃
〃Mater familiaris pallidibus ira。Madame Sagittarius。〃
〃If receive no reply as to grandmother and crab； et cetera； shall
start at once for Square。Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius。〃
〃On no account trouble come up； going out immediately； important
engagement。Vivian。〃
〃Madame putting on boots。Sagittarius。〃
〃Utterly useless put on boots； leaving house。Vivian。〃
〃Madame boots on； tying bonnet。Sagittarius。〃
〃Totally useless tie bonnet； absolutely forced leave house。
Vivian。〃
〃Madame in pelisse； shall come in wait till your return。
Sagittarius。〃
〃Regret pelisse； quite useless； out till late evening。Vivian。〃
〃Shall stay till whatever hour； have on hat and bonnet now；
starting。Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius。〃
〃For Heaven's sake don't； will wire whatever you wish。Vivian。〃
〃Don't。 Ankles perhaps catching； dangerous Capricornus。Vivian。〃
〃Have you started？Vivian。〃
〃Have not started； but at threshold of door； wire full explanation
of crab with grandmother； et cetera； last night or shall start
instanter。Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius。〃
〃Truth is very little result last night； did not see crab with
grandmother； deeply regret。Vivian。〃
〃Then wire result of scorpion with grandmother。Sagittarius。〃
〃Very sorry did not see scorpion with grandmother。Vivian。〃
〃Impossible； believe stars out； clear sky； self and Madame
distinctly observed crab and scorpion with grandmother for four
hours。Sagittarius。〃
〃On honour did not see crab； scorpion or grandmother。Vivian。〃
〃Then has grandmother passed over？Sagittarius。〃
〃Certainly not； but no result； pray cease discussion； grandmother
and square distracted by incessant uproar of boys at door。
Vivian。〃
〃Leaving house； with you as soon as possible。Jupiter and Madame
Sagittarius。〃
〃Heaven's sake don't； tell truth； did not look through telescope at
all last night。Vivian。〃
〃What meaning of this swore oath broken； no gentleman； coming at
once for explanation。Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius。〃
〃Stop； sending boy messenger with full explanation； severe accident
last night； injured head； so unable look for crab； grandmother and
scorpion。Vivian。〃
〃Astounded； upset； Madame says not conduct gentleman； might have
seen crab； grandmother and scorpion with injured head； mere excuse
caput mortuus decrepitum cancer。Sagittarius。〃
〃Pray excuse； look to…night without fail； Heaven's sake cease
writing； grandmother and whole square amazement； confusion； shall
go mad if continues。Vivian。〃
〃Very well； but insist on full letter； confidence in oath much
shaken； wires most shifty； gross neglect of crab； grandmother and
scorpion。Sagittarius。〃
〃Homo miserum sed magnum est veritatus et praevalebetur。Madame
Sagittarius。〃
CHAPTER XI
MISS MINERVA OPENS HER BOOK OF REVELATION IN A CAB
〃Assure the Lord Chancellor that the last boy has been and gonegone
away； that is； Mr。 Ferdinand； and that I pledge my sacred word not to
have another telegram to…day。〃
〃Yes； sir。 His lordship desired that you should be informed that；
according to the law regulating public abominations and intolerable
street noises； you was liable to〃
〃I know； I know。〃
〃And that； by the Act dealing with gross offences against the public
order and scandalous crimes against the peace of metropolitan
communities； you was amenable〃
〃Exactly。 Go to his lordship and swear〃
〃I couldn't do that so soon again； sir； really。 I swore only as short
ago as yesterday； sir； by your express order； but〃
〃I mean asseverate to his lordship that the very last boy has knocked
for the very last time。〃
〃It wasn't so much the knocking； sir； his lordship complained of； as
the boys coming to the door meeting the boys going away from it； and
blocking up the pavement； sir； so that no one could get past and〃
〃Yes； yes。 Go and asseverate at once； Mr。 Ferdinand。〃
〃Very well； sir。 And Her Grace； the Duchess of Camberwell； who is
passing from one fit to another； sir； from fright at the uproar and
telegrams going to the wrong house； sir？〃
〃Implore Her Grace to have courage and to trust me as a gentleman when
I promise solemnly that the knocking shall not be renewed。〃
〃Very well； sir。〃
〃Mr。 Ferdinand！〃
〃Sir？〃
〃Have the knockers swathed in cotton…wool at once。〃
〃Yes； sir；〃
〃Andfix a bulletin on the door。 Wait！ I'll write it。〃
The Prophet hastened to his writing table and； with a hand that
trembled violently； wrote on a card as follows：
〃Owner of this house seriously ill； pray do not knock or /death/ shall
certainly ensue。〃
〃There！ Poor grannie will have peace now。 Nail that up； Mr。 Ferdinand；
under the cotton…wool。〃
〃Very well； sir。 Mrs。 Merillia； sir； would be glad to speak to you for
a moment。 You remember I informed you？〃
〃I'll go to her at once。 But first bring me a glass of brandy； Mr。
Ferdinand。 I'm feeling extremely unwell。〃
And the Prophet； who was paler far than ashes； and beaded from top to
toe with perspiration； sank down feebly upon a chair and let his head
drop on the blotting…pad that lay on his writing…table。
When he had swallowed an inch or two of cognac he got up； pulled
himself together with both hands； and walked； like an elderly person
afflicted with incipient locomotor ataxy； upstairs into the drawing…
room where Mrs。 Merillia was lying on a sofa； ministered to by Fancy
Quinglet； who； at the moment of his entrance； was busily engaged in
stuffing a large wad of cotton…wool into the right ear of her beloved
mistress。
〃Leave us please； Fancy；〃 said Mrs。 Merillia； in a voice that sounded
much older than usual。 〃And as your head is so bad； too； you had better
lie down。〃
〃Thank you； ma'am。 If I keep upright； ma'am； I feel my head will split
asunder。 I can't speak different nor feel other。〃
〃Then don't be upright。〃
〃No； ma'am。 Them that feels other； let them declare it！〃 and Mrs。 Fancy
retired； holding both hands to her temples； and uttering very
distinctly sundry stifled moans。
Mrs。 Merillia motioned the Prophet to a chair； and； after lying quite
still for about five minutes with her eyes tightly shut； said in a weak
tone of voice；
〃How many more telegrams do you expect； Hennessey？ You have had twenty…
seven within the last three hours。 Can you give me a rough general idea
of the average number you anticipate will probably arrive every hour
from now till the offices close？〃
〃Grannie； grannie； forgive me！ I assure you〃
〃Don't be afraid to tell me； Hennessey。 It is much better to know the
worst； and fact it bravely。 Will the present average be merely
sustained； or do you expect the quantity to increase towards night？
because if so〃
〃Grannie； there will be no more。 I swear to you solemnly that I will
not have another telegram to…day。 I will not upon my sacred honour。
Nothingnot wild horses evenshall induce me。〃
〃Horses！ Then were they racing tips； Hennessey？ Yes； give me the /eau
de Cologne/ and fan me gently。 Were they racing tips？〃
〃Oh； grannie； how could you suppose〃
At this moment Mr。 Ferdinand entered softly and went up to Mrs。
Merillia。
〃Mr。 Q。 Elisha Hubsbee； ma'am。 He is deeply distressed and asks for
news 。 。 。〃
〃The Central American Ambassador's grandfather；〃 said Mrs。 Merillia；
reading the card which Mr。 Ferdinand handed to her。
〃Shocked to hear you are so ill that a knock will finish you。 Guess
you must be far gone。 Earnest sympathy。 Have you tried patent
morphia molasses？
Q。 E。 H。〃
〃Ah！ how things get about！ Tell Mr。 Elisha Hubsbee the knocks have
nearly killed us all； Mr。 Ferdinand； but we are bearing up as well as
can be expected。 If necessary we will certainly try