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The particular characters； the habits； the cant of one company； may give
merit to a word； or a gesture； which would have none at all if divested
of those accidental circumstances。 Here people very commonly err； and
fond of something that has entertained them in one company； and in
certain circumstances； repeat it with emphasis in another； where it is
either insipid； or； it may be； offensive； by being ill…timed or
misplaced。 Nay； they often do it with this silly preamble； 〃I will tell
you an excellent thing〃； or； 〃I will tell you the best thing in the
world。〃 This raises expectations； which； when absolutely disappointed；
make the relater of this excellent thing look； very deservedly； like a
fool。
If you would particularly gain the affection and friendship of particular
people； whether men or women； endeavor to find out the predominant
excellency； if they have one； and their prevailing weakness； which
everybody has； and do justice to the one； and something more than justice
to the other。 Men have various objects in which they may excel； or at
least would be thought to excel； and； though they love to hear justice
done to them； where they know that they excel； yet they are most and best
flattered upon those points where they wish to excel； and yet are
doubtful whether they do or not。 As； for example； Cardinal Richelieu；
who was undoubtedly the ablest statesman of his time； or perhaps of any
other； had the idle vanity of being thought the best poet too； he envied
the great Corneille his reputation； and ordered a criticism to be written
upon the 〃Cid。〃 Those； therefore； who flattered skillfully； said little
to him of his abilities in state affairs； or at least but 'en passant；'
and as it might naturally occur。 But the incense which they gave him；
the smoke of which they knew would turn his head in their favor； was as a
'bel esprit' and a poet。 Why？ Because he was sure of one excellency；
and distrustful as to the other。 You will easily discover every man's
prevailing vanity； by observing his favorite topic of conversation； for
every man talks most of what he has most a mind to be thought to excel
in。 Touch him but there； and you touch him to the quick。 The late Sir
Robert Walpole （who was certainly an able man） was little open to
flattery upon that head； for he was in no doubt himself about it； but his
prevailing weakness was； to be thought to have a polite and happy turn to
gallantry； of which he had undoubtedly less than any man living： it was
his favorite and frequent subject of conversation： which proved； to those
who had any penetration； that it was his prevailing weakness。 And they
applied to it with success。
Women have； in general； but one object； which is their beauty； upon
which； scarce any flattery is too gross for them to swallow。 Nature has
hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to flattery upon her
person； if her face is so shocking； that she must in some degree； be
conscious of it； her figure and her air； she trusts； make ample amends
for it。 If her figure is deformed； her face； she thinks； counterbalances
it。 If they are both bad； she comforts herself that she has graces； a
certain manner； a 'je ne sais quoi；' still more engaging than beauty。
This truth is evident； from the studied and elaborate dress of the
ugliest women in the world。 An undoubted；； uncontested； conscious
beauty； is of all women； the least sensible of flattery upon that head；
she knows that it is her due； and is therefore obliged to nobody for
giving it her。 She must be flattered upon her understanding； which；
though she may possibly not doubt of herself； yet she suspects that men
may distrust。
Do not mistake me； and think that I mean to recommend to you abject and
criminal flattery： no； flatter nobody's vices or crimes： on the contrary；
abhor and discourage them。 But there is no living in the world without a
complaisant indulgence for people's weaknesses； and innocent； though
ridiculous vanities。 If a man has a mind to be thought wiser； and a
woman handsomer than they really are； their error is a comfortable one to
themselves； and an innocent one with regard to other people； and I would
rather make them my friends； by indulging them in it； than my enemies；
by endeavoring （and that to no purpose） to undeceive them。
There are little attentions likewise； which are infinitely engaging；
and which sensibly affect that degree of pride and self…love； which is
inseparable from human nature； as they are unquestionable proofs of the
regard and consideration which we have for the person to whom we pay
them。 As； for example； to observe the little habits； the likings； the
antipathies； and the tastes of those whom we would gain； and then take
care to provide them with the one； and to secure them from the other；
giving them； genteelly； to understand； that you had observed that they
liked such a dish； or such a room； for which reason you had prepared it：
or； on the contrary； that having observed they had an aversion to such a
dish； a dislike to such a person； etc。； you had taken care to avoid
presenting them。 Such attention to such trifles flatters self…love much
more than greater things； as it makes people think themselves almost the
only objects of your thoughts and care。
These are some of the arcana necessary for your initiation in the great
society of the world。 I wish I had known them better at your age； I have
paid the price of three…and…fifty years for them； and shall not grudge
it； if you reap the advantage。 Adieu。
LETTER XVIII
LONDON； October 30； O。 S。 1747
DEAR BOY： I am very well pleased with your 'Itinerarium；' which you sent
me from Ratisbon。 It shows me that you observe and inquire as you go；
which is the true end of traveling。 Those who travel heedlessly from
place to place； observing only their distance from each other； and
attending only to their accommodation at the inn at night； set out fools；
and will certainly return so。 Those who only mind the raree…shows of the
places which they go through； such as steeples； clocks； town…houses；
etc。； get so little by their travels； that they might as well stay at
home。 But those who observe； and inquire into the situations； the
strength； the weakness； the trade； the manufactures； the government； and
constitution of every place they go to； who frequent the best companies；
and attend to their several manners and characters； those alone travel
with advantage； and as they set out wise； return wiser。
I would advise you always to get the shortest description or history of
every place where you make any stay； and such a book； however imperfect；
will still suggest to you matter for inquiry； upon which you may get
better informations from the people of the place。 For example； while you
are at Leipsig； get some short account （and to be sure there are many
such） of the present state of the town； with regard to its magistrates；
its police； its privileges； etc。； and then inform yourself more minutely
upon all those heads in； conversation with the most intelligent people。
Do the same thing afterward with regard to the Electorate of Saxony： you
will find a short history of it in Puffendorf's Introduction； which will
give you a general idea of it； and point out to you the proper objects of
a more minute inquiry。 In short； be curious； attentive； inquisitive； as
to everything； listlessness and indolence are always blameable； but； at
your age； they are unpardonable。 Consider how precious； and how
important for all the rest of your life； are your moments for these next
three or four years； and do not lose one of them。 Do not think I mean
that you should study all day long； I am far from advising or desiring
it： but I desire that you would be doing something or other all day long；
and not neglect half hours and quarters of hours； which； at the； year's
end； amount to a great sum。 For instance； there are many short intervals
during the day； between studies and pleasures： instead of sitting idle
and yawning； in those intervals； take up any book； though ever so
trifling a one； even down to a jest…book； it is still better than doing
nothing。
Nor do I call pleasures idleness； or time lost； provided they are the
pleasures of a rational being； on the contrary； a certain portion of your
time； employed in those pleasures； is very usefully employed。 Such are
public spectacles； assemblies of good company； cheerful suppers； and even
balls； but then； these require attention； or else your time is quite
lost。
There are a great many people； who think themselves employed all day；
and who； if they were to cast up their accounts at night； would find
that they had done just nothing。 They have read two or three hours
mechanically； without attending to what they read； and consequently
without either retaining it； or reasoning upon it。 From thence they
saunter into company； without taking any part in it； and without
observing the characters of the persons； or the subjects of the
conversation； but are either thinking of some trifle； foreign to the
present purpose； or often not thinking at all； which silly and idle
suspension of thought they would dignify with