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And this is why the names are so much alike： crap and clap。 But
tell me this。 Whence comes the lightning； the dazzling flame； which at
times consumes the man it strikes； at others hardly singes him。 Is
it not plain； that Zeus is hurling it at the perjurers？
SOCRATES
Out upon the fool！ the driveller！ he still savours of the golden
age！ If Zeus strikes at the perjurers； why has he not blasted Simon；
Cleonymus and Theorus？ Of a surety； greater perjurers cannot exist。
No； he strikes his own temple； and Sunium； the promontory of Athens；
and the towering oaks。 Now； why should he do that？ An oak is no
perjurer。
STREPSIADES
I cannot tell； but it seems to me well argued。 What is the
lightning then？
SOCRATES
When a dry wind ascends to the Clouds and gets shut into them；
it blows them out like a bladder； finally； being too confined； it
bursts them； escapes with fierce violence and a roar to flash into
flame by reason of its own impetuosity。
STREPSIADES
Ah； that's just what happened to me one day。 It was at the feast
of Zeus！ I was cooking a sow's belly for my family and I had forgotten
to slit it open。 It swelled out and； suddenly bursting； discharged
itself right into my eyes and burnt my face。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh； mortal； you who desire to instruct yourself in our great
wisdom； the Athenians； the Greeks will envy you your good fortune。
Only you must have the memory and ardour for study； you must know
how to stand the tests； hold your own； go forward without feeling
fatigue； caring but little for food； abstaining from wine； gymnastic
exercises and other similar follies； in fact； you must believe as
every man of intellect should； that the greatest of all blessings is
to live and think more clearly than the vulgar herd； to shine in the
contests of words。
STREPSIADES
If it be a question of hardiness for labour； of spending whole
nights at work； of living sparingly； of fighting my stomach and only
eating chickpease； rest assured； I am as hard as an anvil。
SOCRATES
Henceforward； following our example； you will recognize no other
gods but Chaos； the Clouds and the Tongue； these three alone。
STREPSIADES
I would not speak to the others； even if I met them in the street；
not a single sacrifice； not a libation； not a grain of incense for
them！
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Tell us boldly then what you want of us； you cannot fail to
succeed。 If you honour and revere us and if you are resolved to become
a clever man。
STREPSIADES
Oh； sovereign goddesses； it is only a very small favour that I ask
of you； grant that I may outdistance all the Greeks by a hundred
stadia in the art of speaking。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We grant you this； and henceforward no eloquence shall more
often succeed with the people than your own。
STREPSIADES
May the gods shield me from possessing great eloquence！ That's not
what I want。 I want to be able to turn bad law…suits to my own
advantage and to slip through the fingers of my creditors。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
It shall be as you wish； for your ambitions are modest。 Commit
yourself fearlessly to our ministers； the sophists。
STREPSIADES
This I will do； for I trust in you。 Moreover there is no drawing
back； what with these cursed horses and this marriage； which has eaten
up my vitals。 （More and more volubly from here to the end of speeck）
So let them do with me as they will； I yield my body to them。 Come
blows； come hunger； thirst； heat or cold； little matters it to me；
they may flay me； if I only escape my debts； if only I win the
reputation of being a bold rascal； a fine speaker； impudent；
shameless； a braggart； and adept at stringing lies； an old stager at
quibbles； a complete table of laws； a thorough rattle； a fox to slip
through any hole； supple as a leathern strap； slippery as an eel； an
artful fellow； a blusterer； a villain； a knave with a hundred faces；
cunning； intolerable； a gluttonous dog。 With such epithets do I seek
to be greeted； on these terms they can treat me as they choose； and；
if they wish； by Demeter！ they can turn me into sausages and serve
me up to the philosophers。
CHORUS （singing）
Here have we a bold and well…disposed pupil indeed。 When we have
taught you； your glory among the mortals will reach even to the skies。
STREPSIADES （singing）
Wherein will that profit me？
CHORUS （singing）
You will pass your whole life among us and will be the most envied
of men。
STREPSIADES （singing）
Shall I really ever see such happiness？
CHORUS （singing）
Clients will be everlastingly besieging your door in crowds；
burning to get at you； to explain their business to you and to consult
you about their suits； which； in return for your ability； will bring
you in great sums。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But； Socrates； begin the lessons you want to teach this old man；
rouse his mind； try the strength of his intelligence。
SOCRATES
Come； tell me the kind of mind you have； it's important that I
know this； that I may order my batteries against you in the right
fashion。
STREPSIADES
Eh； what！ in the name of the gods； are you purposing to assault me
then？
SOCRATES
No。 I only wish to ask you some questions。 Have you any memory？
STREPSIADES
That depends： if anything is owed me； my memory is excellent；
but if I owe； alas！ I have none whatever。
SOCRATES
Have you a natural gift for speaking？
STREPSIADES
For speaking； no； for cheating； yes。
SOCRATES
How will you be able to learn then？
STREPSIADES
Very easily； have no fear。
SOCRATES
Thus； when I throw forth some philosophical thought anent things
celestial。； you will seize it in its very flight？
STREPSIADES
Then I am to snap up wisdom much as a dog snaps up a morsel？
SOCRATES （aside）
Oh！ the ignoramus！ the barbarian！ （to STREPSIADES） I greatly fear；
old man； it will be necessary for me to have recourse to blows。 Now；
let me hear what you do when you are beaten。
STREPSIADES
I receive the blow； then wait a moment； take my witnesses and
finally summon my assailant at law。
SOCRATES
Come； take off your cloak。
STREPSIADES
Have I robbed you of anything？
SOCRATES
No。 but the usual thing is to enter the school without your cloak。
STREPSIADES
But I have not come here to look for stolen goods。
SOCRATES
Off with it； fool！
STREPSIADES （He obeys。）
Tell me； if I prove thoroughly attentive and learn with zeal；
which O； your disciples shall I resemble； do you think？
SOCRATES
You will be the image of Chaerephon。
STREPSIADES
Ah！ unhappy me！ Shall I then be only half alive？
SOCRATES
A truce to this chatter！ follow me and no more of it。
STREPSIADES
First give me a honey…cake； for to descend down there sets me
all a…tremble； it looks like the cave of Trophonius。
SOCRATES
But get in with you！ What reason have you for thus dallying at the
door？
（They go into the Thoughtery。）
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Good luck！ you have courage； may you succeed； you； who； though
already so advanced in years； wish to instruct your mind with new
studies and practise it in wisdom！ （The CHORUS turns and faces the
Audience。） Spectators！ By Bacchus； whose servant I am； I will
frankly tell you the truth。 May I secure both victory and renown as
certainly as I hold you for adept critics and as I regard this
comedy as my best。 I wished to give you the first view of a work；
which had cost me much trouble； but which I withdrew； unjustly
beaten by unskilful rivals。 It is you； oh； enlightened public； for
whom I have prepared my piece； that I reproach with this。 Nevertheless
I shall never willingly cease to seek the approval of the
discerning。 I have not forgotten the day； when men； whom one is
happy to have for an audience； received my Virtuous Young Man and my
Paederast with so much favour in this very place。 Then as yet
virgin； my Muse had not attained the age for maternity； she had to
expose her first…born for another to adopt； and it has since grown
up under your generous patronage。 Ever since you have as good as sworn
me your faithful alliance。 Thus； like the Electra of the poets； my
comedy has come to seek you to…day； hoping again to encounter such
enlightened spectators。 As far away as she can discern her Orestes；
she will be able to recognize him by his curly head。 And note her
modest demeanour！ She has not sewn on a piece of hanging leather；
thick and reddened at the end； to cause laughter among the children；
she does not rail at the bald； neither does she dance the cordax； no
old man is seen； who； while uttering his lines； batters his questioner
with a stick to make his poor jests pass muster。 She does not rush
upon the scene carryin