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those older than themselves； to have taken a radish； an aniseed or a
leaf of parsley； and much less eat fish or thrushes or cross their
legs。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
What antiquated rubbish！ Have we got back to the days of the
festivals of Zeus Polieus； to the Buphonia； to the time of the poet
Cecides and the golden cicadas？
JUST DISCOURSE
Nevertheless by suchlike teaching I built up the men of
Marathon…But you； you teach the children of to…day to bundle
themselves quickly into their clothes； and I am enraged when I see
them at the Panathenaea forgetting Athene while they dance； and
covering their tools with their bucklers。 Hence； young man； dare to
range yourself beside me； who follow justice and truth； you will
then be able to shun the public place； to refrain from the baths； to
blush at all that is shameful； to fire up if your virtue is mocked at；
to give place to your elders； to honour your parents； in short； to
avoid all that is evil。 Be modesty itself； and do not run to applaud
the dancing girls； if you delight in such scenes； some courtesan
will cast you her apple and your reputation will be done for。 Do not
bandy words with your father； nor treat him as a dotard； nor
reproach the old man； who has cherished you； with his age。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
If you listen to him； by Bacchus！ you will be the image of the
sons of Hippocrates and will be called mother's big ninny。
JUST DISCOURSE
No； but you will pass your days at the gymnasia； glowing with
strength and health； you will not go to the public place to cackle and
wrangle as is done nowadays； you will not live in fear that you may be
dragged before the courts for some trifle exaggerated by quibbling。
But you will go down to the Academy to run beneath the sacred olives
with some virtuous friend of your own age； your head encircled with
the white reed； enjoying your ease and breathing the perfume of the
yew and of the fresh sprouts of the poplar； rejoicing in the return of
springtide and gladly listening to the gentle rustle of the plane tree
and the elm。 （With greater warmth from here on） If you devote yourself
to practising my precepts； your chest will be stout； your colour
glowing； your shoulders broad； your tongue short； your hips
muscular； but your tool small。 But if you follow the fashions of the
day； you will be pallid in hue； have narrow shoulders； a narrow chest；
a long tongue； small hips and a big thing； you will know how to spin
forth long…winded arguments on law。 You will be persuaded also to
regard as splendid everything that is shameful and as shameful
everything that is honourable； in a word； you will wallow in
degeneracy like Antimachus。
CHORUS （singing）
How beautiful； high…souled； brilliant is this wisdom that you
practise！ What a sweet odour of honesty is emitted by your
discourse！ Happy were those men of other days who lived when you
were honoured！ And you； seductive talker； come； find some fresh
arguments； for your rival has done wonders。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
You will have to bring out against him all the battery of your
wit； it you desire to beat him and not to be laughed out of court。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
At last！ I was choking with impatience； I was burning to upset his
arguments！ If I am called the Weaker Reasoning in the schools； it is
just because I was the first to discover the means to confute the laws
and the decrees of justice。 To invoke solely the weaker arguments
and yet triumph is an art worth more than a hundred thousand drachmae。
But see how I shall batter down the sort of education of which he is
so proud。 Firstly； he forbids you to bathe in hot water。 What
grounds have you for condemning hot baths？
JUST DISCOURSE
Because they are baneful and enervate men。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Enough said！ Oh！ you poor wrestler！ From the very outset I have
seized you and hold you round the middle； you cannot escape me。 Tell
me； of all the sons of Zeus； who had the stoutest heart； who performed
the most doughty deeds？
JUST DISCOURSE
None； in my opinion； surpassed Heracles。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Where have you ever seen cold baths called 'Bath of Heracles'？ And
yet who was braver than he？
JUST DISCOURSE
It is because of such quibbles； that the baths are seen crowded
with young folk； who chatter there the livelong day while the gymnasia
remain empty。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Next you condemn the habit of frequenting the market…place；
while I approve this。 If it were wrong Homer would never have made
Nestor speak in public as well as all his wise heroes。 As for the
art of speaking； he tells you； young men should not practise it； I
hold the contrary。 Furthermore he preaches chastity to them。 Both
precepts are equally harmful。 Have you ever seen chastity of any use
to anyone？ Answer and try to confute me。
JUST DISCOURSE
To many； for instance； Peleus won a sword thereby。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
A sword！ Ah！ what a fine present to make him！ Poor wretch！
Hyperbolus； the lamp…seller； thanks to his villainy； has gained more
than。。。。do not know how many talents； but certainly no sword。
JUST DISCOURSE
Peleus owed it to his chastity that he became the husband of
Thetis。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
。。。。 who left him in the lurch； for he was not the most ardent； in
those nocturnal sports between the sheets； which so please women； he
possessed but little merit。 Get you gone； you are but an old fool。 But
you； young man； just consider a little what this temperance means
and the delights of which it deprives you…young fellows； women；
play； dainty dishes； wine； boisterous laughter。 And what is life worth
without these？ Then； if you happen to commit one of these faults
inherent in human weakness； some seduction or adultery； and you are
caught in the act； you are lost； if you cannot speak。 But follow my
teaching and you will be able to satisfy your passions； to dance； to
laugh； to blush at nothing。 Suppose you are caught in the act of
adultery。 Then up and tell the husband you are not guilty； and
recall to him the example of Zeus； who allowed himself to be conquered
by love and by women。 Being but a mortal； can you be stronger than a
god？
JUST DISCOURSE
Suppose your pupil； following your advice； gets the radish
rammed up his arse and then is depilated with a hot coal； how are
you going to prove to him that he is not a broad…arse？
UNJUST DISCOURSE
What's the matter with being a broad…arse？
JUST DISCOURSE
Is there anything worse than that？
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Now what will you say； if I beat you even on this point？
JUST DISCOURSE
I should certainly have to be silent then。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Well then； reply！ Our advocates； what are they？
JUST DISCOURSE
Sons of broad…arses。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Nothing is more true。 And our tragic poets？
JUST DISCOURSE
Sons of broad…arses。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Well said again。 And our demagogues？
JUST DISCOURSE
Sons of broad…arses。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
You admit that you have spoken nonsense。 And the spectators；
what are they for the most part？ Look at them。
JUST DISCOURSE
I am looking at them。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Well！ What do you see？
JUST DISCOURSE
By the gods； they are nearly all broad…arses。 （pointing） See； this
one I know to be such and that one and that other with the long hair。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
What have you to say； then？
JUST DISCOURSE
I am beaten。 Debauchees！ in the name of the gods； receive my
cloak； I pass over to your ranks。
（He goes back into the Thoughtery。）
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Well then！ Are you going to take away your son or do you wish me
to teach him how to speak？
STREPSIADES
Teach him； chastise him and do not fail to sharpen his tongue
well； on one side for petty law…suits and on the other for important
cases。
UNJUST DISCOURSE
Don't worry； I shall return him to you an accomplished sophist。
PHIDIPPIDES
Very pale then and thoroughly hang…dog…looking。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Take him with you。 （The UNJUST DISCOURSE and PHIDIPPIDES go into
the THOUGHTERY。 To STREPSIADES； who is just going into his own house。）
I think you will regret this。 （The CHORUS turns and faces the
audience。） judges； we are all about to tell you what you will gain
by awarding us the crown as equity requires of you。 In spring； when
you wish to give your fields the first dressing； we will rain upon you
first； the others shall wait。 Then we will watch over your corn and
over your vinestocks； they will have no excess to fear； neither of
heat nor of wet。 But if a mortal dares to insult the goddesses of
the Clouds； let him think of the ills we shall pour upon him。 For
him neither wine nor any harvest at all！ Our terrible slings will
mow down his young olive plants and his v