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It was then that he began to see clearly what it all meant。 He said he
made a great discovery： that the 〃black people〃 against whom they had
struck in 1894 were not to blame！
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〃I tell you；〃 said he； 〃we found when we got started that them black
peoplewe used to call 'em dagoeswere just workin' people like usand
in hell with us。 They were good soldiers； them Eyetalians and Poles and
Syrians； they fought with us to the end。〃
I shall not soon forget the intensely dramatic but perfectly simple way
in which he told me how he came； as he said； 〃to see the true light。〃
Holding up his maimed right hand （that trembled a little）； he pointed one
finger upward。
〃I seen the big hand in the sky；〃 he said； 〃I seen it as clear as daylight。〃
He said he saw at last what Socialism meant。 One day he went home
from a strikers' meetingone of the last； for the men were worn out with
their long struggle。 It was a bitter cold day； and he was completely
discouraged。 When he reached his own street he saw a pile of household
goods on the sidewalk in front of his home。 He saw his wife there
wringing her hands and crying。 He said he could not take a step further；
but sat down on a neighbour's porch and looked and looked。 〃It was
curious；〃 he said； 〃but the only thing I could see or think about was our
old family clock which they had stuck on top of the pile； half tipped over。
It looked odd and I wanted to set it up straight。 It was the clock we bought
when we were married； and we'd had it about twenty years on the mantel
in the livin'…room。 It was a good clock；〃 he said。
He paused and then smiled a little。
〃I never have figured it out why I should have been able to think of
nothing but that clock；〃 he said； 〃but so it was。〃
When he got home； he found his frail daughter just coming out of the
empty house； 〃coughing as though she was dyin'。〃 Something； he said；
seemed to stop inside him。 Those were his words： 〃Something seemed to
stop inside 'o me。〃
He turned away without saying a word； walked back to strike
headquarters； borrowed a revolver from a friend； and started out along the
main road which led into the better part of the town。
〃Did you ever hear o' Robert Winter？〃 he asked。
〃No；〃 said I。
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〃Well； Robert Winter was the biggest gun of 'em all。 He owned the
mills there and the largest store and the newspaper he pretty nearly
owned the town。〃
He told me much more about Robert Winter which betrayed still a
curious sort of feudal admiration for him； and for his great place and
power； but I need not dwell on it here。 He told me how he climbed through
a hemlock hedge （for the stone gateway was guarded） and walked through
the snow toward the great house。
〃An' all the time I seemed to be seein' my daughter Margy right there
before my eyes coughing as though she was dyin'。〃
It was just nightfall and all the windows were alight。 He crept up to a
clump of bushes under a window and waited there a moment while he
drew out and cocked his revolver。 Then he slowly reached upward until
his head cleared the sill and he could look into the room。 〃A big； warm
room；〃 he described it。
〃Comrade；〃 said he； 〃I had murder in my heart that night。〃
So he stood there looking in with the revolver ready cocked in his
hand。
〃And what do you think I seen there？〃 he asked。
〃I cannot guess；〃 I said。
〃Well；〃 said Bill Hahn； 〃I seen the great Robert Winter that we had
been fighting for five long monthsand he was down on his hands and
knees on the carpethe had his little daughter on his backand he was
creepin' about with heran' she was laughin'。〃
Bill Hahn paused。
〃I had a bead on him；〃 he said； 〃but I couldn't do itI just couldn't do
it。〃
He came away all weak and trembling and cold； and； 〃Comrade；〃 he
said； 〃I was cryin' like a baby； and didn't know why。〃
The next day the strike collapsed and there was the familiar stampede
for work but Bill Hahn did not go back。 He knew it would be useless。 A
week later his frail daughter died and was buried in the paupers field。
〃She was as truly killed；〃 he said； 〃as though some one had fired a
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bullet at her through a window。〃
〃And what did you do after that？〃 I asked； when he had paused for a
long time with his chin on his breast。
〃Well；〃 said he； 〃I did a lot of thinking them days； and I says to myself：
'This thing is wrong； and I will go out and stop itI will go out and stop
it。'〃
As he uttered these words； I looked at him curiouslyhis absurd flat
fur hat with the moth…eaten ears； the old bulging overcoat； the round
spectacles； the scarred； insignificant facehe seemed somehow
transformed； a person elevated above himself； the tool of some vast
incalculable force。
I shall never forget the phrase he used to describe his own feelings
when he had reached this astonishing decision to go out and stop the
wrongs of the World。 He said he 〃began to feel all clean inside。〃
〃I see it didn't matter what become o' me； and I began to feel all clean
inside。〃
It seemed； he explained； as though something big and strong had got
hold of him； and he began to be happy。
〃Since then；〃 he said in a low voice； 〃I've been happier than I ever was
before in all my life。 I ain't got any family； nor any homerightly speakin'…
…nor any money； but； comrade； you see here in front of you； a happy man。〃
When he had finished his story we sat quiet for some time。
〃Well；〃 said he； finally； 〃I must be goin'。 The committee will wonder
what's become o' me。〃
I followed him out to the road。 There I put my hand on his shoulder；
and said：
〃Bill Hahn； you are a better man than I am。〃
He smiled； a beautiful smile； and we walked off together down the
road。
I wish I had gone on with him at that time into the city； but somehow I
could not do it。 I stopped near the top of the hill where one can see in the
distance that smoky huddle of buildings which is known as Kilburn； and
though he urged me； I turned aside and sat down in the edge of a meadow。
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There were many things I wanted to think about； to get clear in my mind。
As I sat looking out toward that great city； I saw three men walking in
the white road。 As I watched them； I could see them coming quickly；
eagerly。 Presently they threw up their hands and evidently began to shout；
though I could not hear what they said。 At that moment I saw my friend
Bill Hahn running in the road； his coat skirts flapping heavily about his
legs。 When they met they almost fell into another's arms。
I suppose it was so that the early Christians； those who hid in the
Roman catacombs； were wont to greet one another。
So I sat thinking。
〃A man；〃 I said to myself； 〃who can regard himself as a function； not
an end of creation； has arrived。〃
After a time I got up and walked down the hillsome strange force
carrying me onwardand came thus to the city of Kilburn。
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CHAPTER X。 I AM CAUGHT UP
INTO LIFE
I can scarcely convey in written words the whirling emotions I felt
when I entered the city of Kilburn。 Every sight； every sound； recalled
vividly and painfully the unhappy years I had once spent in another and
greater city。 Every mingled odour of the streetsand there is nothing that
will so surely re…create （for me） the inner emotion of a time or place as a
remembered odourbrought back to me