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Tell them to speak and speak quickly； why； as I listen to you； I
am beside myself with delight。
EPOPS （to two attendants）
Here； you there； take all these weapons and hang them up inside
dose to the fire； near the figure of the god who presides there and
under his protection； （to PITHETAERUS） as for you； address the
birds； tell them why I have gathered them together。
PITHETAERUS
Not I； by Apollo； unless they agree with me as the little ape of
an armourer agreed with his wife； not to bite me； nor pull me by the
balls； nor shove things into my。。。
EUELPIDES （bending over and pointing his finger at his anus）
Do you mean this？
PITHETAERUS
No； I mean my eyes。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Agreed。
PITHETAERUS
Swear it。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
I swear it and； if I keep my promise； let judges and spectators
give me the victory unanimously。
PITHETAERUS
It is a bargain。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
And if I break my word； may I succeed by one vote only。
EPOPS （as HERALD）
Hearken； ye people！ Hoplites； pick up your weapons and return to
your firesides； do not fail to read the decrees of dismissal we have
posted。
CHORUS （singing）
Man is a truly cunning creature； but nevertheless explain。 Perhaps
you are going to show me some good way to extend my power； some way
that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have discovered。
Speak！ 'tis to your own interest as well as to mine； for if you secure
me some advantage； I will surely share it with you。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But what object can have induced you to come among us？ Speak
boldly； for I shall not break the truce；…until you have told us all。
PITHETAERUS
I am bursting with desire to speak； I have already mixed the dough
of my address and nothing prevents me from kneading it。。。。Slave！ bring
the chaplet and water； which you must pour over my hands。 Be quick！
EUELPIDES
Is it a question of feasting？ What does it all mean？
PITHETAERUS
By Zeus； no！ but I am hunting for fine； tasty words to break
down the hardness of their hearts。 （To the CHORUS） I grieve so much
for you； who at one time were kings。。。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We kings？ Over whom？
PITHETAERUS
。。。of all that exists； firstly of me and of this man； even of Zeus
himself。 Your race is older than Saturn； the Titans and the Earth。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
What； older than the Earth！
PITHETAERUS
By Phoebus； yes。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
By Zeus； but I never knew that before！
PITHETAERUS
That's because you are ignorant and heedless； and have never
read your Aesop。 He is the one who tells us that the lark was born
before all other creatures； indeed before the Earth； his father died
of sickness； but the Earth did not exist then； he remained unburied
for five days； when the bird in its dilemma decided； for want of a
better place； to entomb its father in its own head。
EUELPIDES
So that the lark's father is buried at Cephalae。
PITHETAERUS
Hence； if they existed before the Earth； before the gods； the
kingship belongs to them by right of priority。
EUELPIDES
Undoubtedly； but sharpen your beak well； Zeus won't be in a
hurry to hand over his sceptre to the woodpecker。
PITHETAERUS
It was not the gods； but the birds； who were formerly the
masters and kings over men； of this I have a thousand proofs。 First of
all； I will point you to the cock； who governed the Persians before
all other monarchs； before Darius and Megabazus。 It's in memory of his
reign that he is called the Persian bird。
EUELPIDES
For this reason also； even to…day； he alone of all the birds wears
his tiara straight on his head； like the Great King。
PITHETAERUS
He was so strong； so great； so feared； that even now； on account
of his ancient power； everyone jumps out of bed as soon as ever he
crows at daybreak。 Blacksmiths； potters； tanners； shoemakers； bathmen；
corndealers； lyre…makers and armourers； all put on their shoes and
go to work before it is daylight。
EUELPIDES
I can tell you something about that。 It was the cock's fault
that I lost a splendid tunic of Phrygian wool。 I was at a feast in
town； given to celebrate the birth of a child； I had drunk pretty
freely and had just fallen asleep； when a cock； I suppose in a greater
hurry than the rest； began to crow。 I thought it was dawn and set
out for Halimus。 I had hardly got beyond the walls； when a footpad
struck me in the back with his bludgeon； down I went and wanted to
shout； but he had already made off with my mantle。
PITHETAERUS
Formerly also the kite was ruler and king over the Greeks。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
The Greeks？
PITHETAERUS
And when he was king； he was the one who first taught them to fall
on their knees before the kites。
EUELPIDES
By Zeus！ that's what I did myself one day on seeing a kite； but at
the moment I was on my knees； and leaning backwards with mouth
agape； I bolted an obolus and was forced to carry my meal…sack home
empty。
PITHETAERUS
The cuckoo was king of Egypt and of the whole of Phoenicia。 When
he called out 〃cuckoo；〃 all the Phoenicians hurried to the fields to
reap their wheat and their barley。
EUELPIDES
Hence no doubt the proverb； 〃Cuckoo！ cuckoo！ go to the fields；
ye circumcised。〃
PITHETAERUS
So powerful were the birds that the kings of Grecian cities；
Agamemnon； Menelaus； for instance； carried a bird on the tip of
their sceptres； who had his share of all presents。
EUELPIDES
That I didn't know and was much astonished when I saw Priam come
upon the stage in the tragedies with a bird； which kept watching
Lysicrates to see if he got any present。
PITHETAERUS
But the strongest proof of all is that Zeus； who now reigns； is
represented as standing with an eagle on his head as a symbol of his
royalty； his daughter has an owl； and Phoebus； as his servant； has a
hawk。
EUELPIDES
By Demeter； the point is well taken。 But what are all these
birds doing in heaven？
PITHETAERUS
When anyone sacrifices and； according to the rite； offers the
entrails to the gods； these birds take their share before Zeus。
Formerly men always swore by the birds and never by the gods。
EUELPIDES
And even now Lampon swears by the goose whenever he wishes to
deceive someone。
PITHETAERUS
Thus it is clear that you were once great and sacred； but now
you are looked upon as slaves； as fools； as Maneses； stones are thrown
at you as at raving madmen； even in holy places。 A crowd of
bird…catchers sets snares； traps； limed twigs and nets of all sorts
for you； you are caught； you are sold in heaps and the buyers finger
you over to be certain you are fat。 Again； if they would but serve you
up simply roasted； but they rasp cheese into a mixture of oil； vinegar
and laserwort； to which another sweet and greasy sauce is added； and
the whole is poured scalding hot over your back； for all the world
as if you were diseased meat。
CHORUS （singing）
Man； your words have made my heart bleed； I have groaned over
the treachery of our fathers； who knew not how to transmit to us the
high rank they held from their forefathers。 But 'tis a benevolent
Genius； a happy Fate； that sends you to us； you shall be our deliverer
and I place the destiny of my little ones and my own in your hands
with every confidence。
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But hasten to tell me what must be done； we should not be worthy
to live； if we did not seek to regain our royalty by every possible
means。
PITHETAERUS
First I advise that the birds gather together in one city and that
they build a wall of great bricks； like that at Babylon； round the
plains of the air and the whole region of space that divides earth
from heaven。
EPOPS
Oh； Cebriones！ oh； Porphyrion！ what a terribly strong place！
PITHETAERUS
Then； when this has been well done and completed； you demand
back the empire from Zeus； if he will not agree； if he refuses and
does not at once confess himself beaten； you declare a sacred war
against him and forbid the gods henceforward to pass through your
country with their tools up； as hitherto； for the purpose of laying
their Alcmenas； their Alopes； or their Semeles！ if they try to pass
through； you put rings on their tools so that they can't make love any
longer。 You send another messenger to mankind； who will proclaim to
them that the birds are kings； that for the future they must first
of all sacrifice to them； and only afterwards to the gods； that it
is fitting to appoint to each deity the bird that has most in common
with it。 For instance； are they sacrificing to Aphrodite； let them
at the same time offer barley to the coot； are they immolating a sheep
to Posidon； let them consecrate wheat in honour of the duck； if a
ste