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The servant sent in a message by Zillah； begging me to see him for a
moment outside the sitting…room door。
I made my excuses to my guest； and hurried out。
The instant I saw the servant's face； my heart sank。 Oscar's kindness had
attached the man devotedly to his master。 I saw his lips tremble； and his
color come and go； when I looked at him。
〃I have brought you a letter； ma'am。〃
He handed me a letter addressed to me in Oscar's handwriting。
〃How is your master？〃 I asked。
〃Not very well； when I saw him last。〃
〃When you saw him last？〃
〃I bring sad news； ma'am。 There's a break…up at Browndown。〃
〃What do you mean？ Where is Mr。 Oscar？〃
〃Mr。 Oscar has left Dimchurch。〃
CHAPTER THE THIRTY…SEVENTH
The Brothers change Places
I VAINLY believed I had prepared myself for any misfortune that could
fall on us。 The man's last words dispelled my delusion。 My gloomiest
forebodings had never contemplated such a disaster as had now happened。 I
stood petrified； thinking of Lucilla； and looking helplessly at the
servant。 Try as I might； I was perfectly incapable of speaking to him。
He felt no such difficulty on his side。 One of the strangest
peculiarities in the humbler ranks of the English people； is the sort of
solemn relish which they have for talking of their own misfortunes。 To be
the objects of a calamity of any kind； seems to raise them in their own
estimations。 With a dreary enjoyment of his miserable theme； the servant
expatiated on his position as a man deprived of the best of masters；
turned adrift again in the world to seek another service； hopeless of
ever again finding himself in such a situation as he had lost。 He roused
me at last into speaking to him； by sheer dint of irritating my nerves
until I could endure him no longer。
〃Has Mr。 Oscar gone away alone？〃 I asked。
〃Yes； ma'am； quite alone。〃
（What had become of Nugent？ I was too much interested in Oscar to be able
to put the question； at that moment。）
〃When did your master go？〃 I went on。
〃Better than two hours since。〃
〃Why didn't I hear of it before？〃
〃I had Mr。 Oscar's orders not to tell you； ma'am； till this time in the
evening。〃
Wretched as I was already； my spirits sank lower still when I heard that。
The order given to the servant looked like a premeditated design； not
only to leave Dimchurch； but also to keep us in ignorance of his
whereabouts afterwards。
〃Has Mr。 Oscar gone to London？〃 I inquired。
〃He hired Gootheridge's chaise； ma'am； to take him to Brighton。 And he
told me with his own lips that he had left Browndown never to come back。
I know no more of it than that。〃
He had left Browndown； never to come back！ For Lucilla's sake； I declined
to believe that。 The servant was exaggerating； or the servant had
misunderstood what had been said to him。 The letter in my hand reminded
me that I had perhaps needlessly questioned him on matters which his
master had confided to my own knowledge only。 Before I dismissed him for
the night； I made my deferred inquiry on the hateful subject of the other
brother。
〃Where is Mr。 Nugent？〃
〃At Browndown。〃
〃Do you mean to say that he is going to stay at Browndown？〃
〃I don't know； ma'am； for certain。 I see no signs of his meaning to
leave； and he has said nothing to that effect。〃
I had the greatest difficulty to keep myself from breaking out before the
servant。 My indignation almost choked me。 The best way was to wish him
good night。 I took the best wayonly calling him back （as a measure of
caution） to say one last word。
〃Have you told anybody at the rectory of Mr。 Oscar's departure？〃 I asked。
〃No； ma'am。〃
〃Say nothing； about it then； as you go out。 Thank you for bringing me the
letter。 Good night。〃
Having thus provided against any whisper of what had happened reaching
Lucilla's ears that evening； I returned to Herr Grosse to make my
excuses； and to tell him （as I honestly could） that I was in sore need of
being permitted to retire privately to my own room。 I found my
illustrious guest putting a plate over the final dish of the dinner； full
of the tenderest anxiety to keep it warm on my account。
〃Here is a lofely cheese…omelets；〃 said Grosse。 〃Two…thirds of him I have
eaten my own self。 The odder third I sweat with anxiety to keep warm for
you。 Sit down！ sit down！ Every moment he is getting cold。〃
〃I am much obliged to you； Herr Grosse。 I have just heard some miserable
news〃
〃Ach； Gott！ don't tell it to me！〃 the wretch burst out with a look of
consternation。 〃No miserable news； I pray you； after such a dinner as I
have eaten。 Let me do my digestions！ My goot…dear…creature； if you lofe
me let me do my digestions！〃
〃Will you excuse me； if I leave you to your digestion； and retire to my
own room？〃
He rose in a violent hurry； and opened the door for me。
〃Yes！ yes！ From the deep bottoms of my heart I excuse you。 Goot Madame
Pratolungo； retire！ retire！〃
I had barely passed the threshold； before the door was closed behind me。
I heard the selfish old brute rub his hands； and chuckle over his success
in shutting me and my sorrow both out of the room together。
Just as my hand was on my own door； it occurred to me that I should do
well to make sure of not being surprised by Lucilla over the reading of
Oscar's letter。 The truth is that I shrank from reading it。 In spite of
my resolution to disbelieve the servant； the dread was now growing on me
that the letter would confirm his statement； and would force it on me as
the truth that Oscar had left us never to return。 I retraced my steps；
and entered Lucilla's room。
I could just see her； by the dim night…light burning in a cornet to
enable the surgeon or the nurse to find their way to her。 She was alone
in her favorite little wicker…work chair； with the doleful white bandage
over her eyesto all appearance quite content； busily knitting！
〃Don't you feel lonely； Lucilla？〃
She turned her head towards me； and answered in her gayest tones。
〃Not in the least。 I am quite happy as I am。
〃Why is Zillah not with you？〃
〃I sent her away。〃
〃You sent her away？〃
〃Yes！ I couldn't enjoy myself thoroughly to…night； unless I felt that I
was quite alone。 I have seen him； my dearI have seen him！ How could you
possibly think I felt lonely？ I am so inordinately happy that I am
obliged to knit to keep myself quiet。 If you say much more； I shall get
up and danceI know I shall！ Where is Oscar？ That odious Grosseno！ it
is too bad to talk of the dear old man in that way； after he has given me
back my sight。 Still it _is_ cruel of him to say that I am overexcited；
and to forbid Oscar to come and see me to…night。 Is Oscar with you； in
the next room？ Is he very much disappointed at being parted from me in
this way？ Say I am thinking of himsince I have seen himwith such new
thoughts！〃
〃Oscar is not here to…night； my dear。〃
〃No？ then he is at Browndown of course with that poor wretched disfigured
brother of his。 I have got over my terror of Nugent's hideous face。 I am
even beginning （though I never liked him； as you know） to pity him； with
such a dreadful complexion as that。 Don't let us talk about it！ Don't let
us talk at all！ I want to go on thinking of Oscar。〃
She resumed her knitting； and shut herself up luxuriously in her own
happy thoughts。 Knowing what I knew； it was nothing less than
heart…breaking to see her and hear her。 Afraid to trust myself to say
another word； I softly closed the door； and charged Zillah （when her
mistress rang her bell） to say for me that I was weary after the events
of the day； and had gone to rest in my bed…room。
At last； I was alone。 At last I was at the end of my maneuvers to spare
myself the miserable necessity of opening Oscar's letter。 After first
locking my door； I broke the seal； and read the lines which follow。
〃KIND AND DEAR FRIEND；Forgive me： I am going to surprise and distress
you。 My letter thanks you gratefully； and bids you a last farewell。
〃Summon all your indulgence for me。 Read these lines to the end： they
will tell you what happened after I left the rectory。
〃Nothing had been seen of Nugent； when I reached this house。 It was not
till a quarter of an hour later that I heard his voice at the door；
calling to me； and asking if I had come back。 I answered； and he joined
me in the sitting…room。 Nugent's first words to me were these： 〃
'Oscar； I have come to ask your pardon； and to bid you good…bye。'
〃I can give you no idea of the tone in which he spoke to me： it would
have gone straight to your heart； as it went straight to mine。 For the
moment； I was not able to answer him。 I could only offer him my hand。 He
sighed bitterly； and refused to take it。
〃 'I have something still to tell you；' he said。 'Wait till you have
heard it； and give me your hand afterwardsif you can。'
〃He even refused to take the chair to which I pointed。 He distressed me
by standing in my presence as if he was my inferior。 The next words that
he said to me
〃No！ I have need of all my calmness and all my courage。 It shakes both to
recall what he said to me。 I sat down to write this； intending to repeat
to you everything that passed between us。 Another of my wea