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moping； anxious； miserable man。
Or is it； that he sees and feels something changed in Me？ I could scream
with vexation and rage against myself。 Here is my Oscarand yet he is
not the Oscar I knew when I was blind。 Contradictory as it seems； I used
to understand how he looked at me； when I was unable to see it。 Now that
I can see it； I ask myself； Is this really love that is looking at me in
his eyes？ or is it something else？ How should I know？ I knew when I had
only my own fancy to tell me。 But now； try as I may； I cannot make the
old fancy and the new sight serve me in harmony both together。 I am
afraid he sees that I don't understand him。 Oh； dear！ dear！ why did I not
meet my good old Grosse； and become the new creature that he has made me；
before I met Oscar？ I should have had no blind memories and
prepossessions to get over then。 I shall become used to my new self； I
hope and believe； with timeand that will accustom me to my new
impressions of Oscarand so it may all come right in the end。 It is all
wrong enough now。 He put his arm round me； and gave me a little tender
squeeze； while we were following Miss Batchford down to the dining…room
this afternoon。 Nothing in me answered to it。 I should have felt it all
over me a few months since。
Here is a tear on the paper。 What a fool I am！ Why can't I write about
something else？
I sent my second letter to my father to…day； telling him of Oscar's
return from abroad； and taking no notice of his not having replied to my
first letter。 The only way to manage my father is not to take notice； and
to let him come right by himself。 I showed Oscar my letterwith a space
left at the end for his postscript。 While he was writing it； he asked me
to get something which happened to be up…stairs in my room。 When I came
back； he had sealed the envelopeforgetting to show me his postscript。
It was not worth while to open the letter again； he told me what he had
written； and that did just as well。
＇Note。I must trouble you with a copy of what Nugent really did write。
It shows why he sent her out of the room； and closed the envelope before
she could come back。 The postscript is also worthy of notice； in this
respectthat it plays a part in a page of my narrative which is still to
come。
Thus Nugent writes； in Oscar's name and character； to the rector of
Dimchurch。 （I have already mentioned； as you will see in the
twenty…second chapter； that a close similarity of handwriting was one
among the other striking points of resemblance between the twins。）
〃DEAR MR。 FINCH；
〃Lucilla's letter will have told you that I have come to my senses； and
that I am again paying my addresses to her as her affianced husband。 My
principal object in adding these lines is to propose that we should
forget the past； and go on again as if nothing had happened。
〃Nugent has behaved nobly。 He absolves me from the engagements towards
him into which I so rashly entered； at our last interview before I left
Browndown。 Most generously and amply he has redeemed his pledge to Madame
Pratolungo to discover the place of my retreat and to restore me to
Lucilla。 For the present he remains abroad。
〃If you favor me with a reply to this； I must warn you to be careful how
you write； for Lucilla is sure to ask to see your letter。 Remember that
she only supposes me to have returned to her after a brief absence from
England； caused by a necessity for joining my brother on the Continent。
It will be also desirable to say nothing on the subject of my unfortunate
peculiarity of complexion。 I have made it all right with Lucilla； and she
is getting accustomed to me。 Still； the subject is a sore one； and the
less it is referred to the better。
Truly yours；
〃OSCAR。〃
Unless I add a word of explanation here； you will hardly appreciate the
extraordinary skillfulness with which the deception is continued by means
of this postscript。
Written in Oscar's character （and representing Nugent as having done all
that he had promised me to do） it designedly omits the customary courtesy
of Oscar's style。 The object of this is to offend Mr。 Finchwith what
end in view you will presently see。 The rector was the last man in
existence to dispense with the necessary apologies and expressions of
regret from a man engaged to his daughter； who had left her as Oscar had
left herno matter how the circumstances might appear to excuse him。 The
curt； off…hand postscript signed 〃Oscar〃 was the very thing to exasperate
the wound already inflicted on Mr。 Finch's self…esteem； and to render it
at least probable that he would reconsider his intention of himself
performing the marriage ceremony。 In the event of his refusal； what would
happen？ A stranger； entirely ignorant of which was Nugent and which was
Oscar； would officiate in his place。 Do you see it now？
But even the cleverest people are not always capable of providing for
every emergency。 The completest plot generally has its weak place。
The postscript； as you have seen； was a little masterpiece。 But it
nevertheless exposed the writer to a danger which （as the Journal will
tell you） he only appreciated at its true value when it was too late to
alter his mind。 Finding himself forced； for the sake of appearances； to
permit Lucilla to inform her father of his arrival at Ramsgate； he was
now obliged to run the risk of having that important piece of domestic
news communicatedeither by Mr。 Finch or by his wifeto no less a
person than myself。 You will remember that worthy Mrs。 Finch； when we
parted at the rectory； had asked me to write to her while I was
abroadand you will see； after the hint I have given you； that clever
Mr。 Nugent is beginning already to walk upon delicate ground。 I say no
more： Lucilla's turn now。P。＇
_September_ 3rd。Oscar has （I suppose） forgotten something which he
ought to have included in his postscript to my letter。
More than two hours after I had sent it to the post； he asked if the
letter had gone。 For the moment； he looked annoyed when I said； Yes。 But
he soon recovered himself。 It mattered nothing （he said）； he could easily
write again。 〃Talking of letters；〃 he added； 〃do you expect Madame
Pratolungo to write to you？〃 （This time it was he who referred to her！） I
told him that there was not much chance； after what had passed on her
side and on mine； of her writing to meand then tried to put some of
those questions about her which he had once already requested me not to
press yet。 For the second time； he entreated me to defer the discussion
of that unpleasant subject for the presentand yet； with a curious
inconsistency； he made another inquiry relating to the subject in the
same breath。
〃Do you think she is likely to be in correspondence with your father； or
your stepmother； while she is out of England？〃 he asked。
〃I should doubt her writing to my father；〃 I said。 〃But she might
correspond with Mrs。 Finch。〃
He considered a littleand then turned the talk to the topic of our
residence at Ramsgate next。
〃How long do you stay here？〃 he inquired。
〃It depends on Herr Grosse；〃 I answered。 〃I will ask him when he comes
next。〃
He turned away to the windowsuddenly； as if he was a little put out。
〃Are you tired of Ramsgate already？〃 I asked。
He came back to me； and took my handmy cold insensible hand that won't
feel his touch as it ought！
〃Let me be your husband； Lucilla；〃 he whispered； 〃and I will live at
Ramsgate if you likefor your sake。〃
Although there was everything to please me in those words； there was
something that startled meI cannot describe itin his look and manner
when he said them。 I made no answer at the moment。 He went on。
〃Why should we not be married at once？〃 he asked。 We are both of age。 We
have only ourselves to think of。〃
＇Note。Alter his words as follows： 〃Why should we not be married before
Madame Pratolungo can hear of my arrival at Ramsgate？〃and you will
rightly interpret his motives。 The situation is now fast reaching its
climax of peril。 Nugent's one chance is to persuade Lucilla to marry him
before any discoveries can reach my ears； and before Grosse considers her
sufficiently recovered to leave Ramsgate。P。＇
〃You forget；〃 I answered； more surprised than ever； 〃we have my father to
think of。 It was always arranged that he was to marry us at Dimchurch。〃
Oscar smilednot at all the charming smile I used to imagine； when I was
blind！
〃We shall wait a long time； I am afraid；〃 he said； 〃if we wait until your
father marries us。〃
〃What do you mean？〃 I asked。
〃When we enter on the painful subject of Madame Pratolungo；〃 he replied；
〃I will tell you。 In the meantime； do you think Mr。 Finch will answer
your letter？〃
〃I hope so。〃
〃Do you think he will answer my postscript？〃
〃I am sure he will！〃
The same unpleasant smile showed itself again in his face。 He abruptly
dropped the conversation； and went to play _piquet_ with my aunt。
All this happened yesterday evening。 I went to bed； sadly dissatisfied
with somebody。 Was it with Oscar？ or with myself？ or with both？ I fancy
with both。
To…day； we went out together for a walk on the cliffs。 What a delight it
was to move through the fresh briny air； and see the lo