按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Eternity？ Impossible。 Whereas life is full of them。 There are
secrets of birth； for instance。 One carries them on to the
grave。 There is something comical。 。 。but never mind。 And there
are secret motives of conduct。 A man's most open actions have a
secret side to them。 That is interesting and so unfathomable！
For instance； a man goes out of a room for a walk。 Nothing more
trivial in appearance。 And yet it may be momentous。 He comes
backhe has seen perhaps a drunken brute； taken particular
notice of the snow on the groundand behold he is no longer the
same man。 The most unlikely things have a secret power over
one's thoughtsthe grey whiskers of a particular personthe
goggle eyes of another。〃
Razumov's forehead was moist。 He took a turn or two in the room；
his head low and smiling to himself viciously。
〃Have you ever reflected on the power of goggle eyes and grey
whiskers？ Excuse me。 You seem to think I must be crazy to talk
in this vein at such a time。 But I am not talking lightly。 I
have seen instances。 It has happened to me once to be talking to
a man whose fate was affected by physical facts of that kind。
And the man did not know it。 Of course； it was a case of
conscience； but the material facts such as these brought about
the solution。 。 。 。 And you tell me； Victor Victorovitch；
not to be anxious！ Why！ I am responsible for you；〃
Razumov almost shrieked。
He avoided with difficulty a burst of Mephistophelian laughter。
Haldin； very pale； raised himself on his elbow。
〃And the surprises of life；〃 went on Razumov； after glancing at
the other uneasily。 〃Just consider their astonishing nature。 A
mysterious impulse induces you to come here。 I don't say you
have done wrong。 Indeed； from a certain point of view you could
not have done better。 You might have gone to a man with
affections and family ties。 You have such ties yourself。 As to
me； you know I have been brought up in an educational institute
where they did not give us enough to eat。 To talk of affection
in such a connexionyou perceive yourself。 。 。 。 As to ties；
the only ties I have in the world are social。 I must get
acknowledged in some way before I can act at all。 I sit here
working。 。 。 。 And don't you think I am working for progress too？
I've got to find my own ideas of the true way。 。 。 。 Pardon me；〃
continued Razumov； after drawing breath and with a short； throaty
laugh； 〃but I haven't inherited a revolutionary inspiration
together with a resemblance from an uncle。〃
He looked again at his watch and noticed with sickening disgust
that there were yet a good many minutes to midnight。 He tore
watch and chain off his waistcoat and laid them on the table well
in the circle of bright lamplight。 Haldin； reclining on his
elbow； did not stir。 Razumov was made uneasy by this attitude。
〃What move is he meditating over so quietly？〃 he thought。 〃He
must be prevented。 I must keep on talking to him。〃
He raised his voice。
〃You are a son； a brother； a nephew； a cousinI don't know
whatto no end of people。 I am just a man。 Here I stand before
you。 A man with a mind。 Did it ever occur to you how a man who
had never heard a word of warm affection or praise in his
life would think on matters on which you would think first with
or against your class； your domestic traditionyour fireside
prejudices？。 。 。 Did you ever consider how a man like that would
feel？ I have no domestic tradition。 I have nothing to think
against。 My tradition is historical。 What have I to look back to
but that national past from which you gentlemen want to wrench
away your future？ Am I to let my intelligence； my aspirations
towards a better lot； be robbed of the only thing it has to go
upon at the will of violent enthusiasts？ You come from your
province； but all this land is mineor I have nothing。 No doubt
you shall be looked upon as a martyr some day a sort of heroa
political saint。 But I beg to be excused。 I
am content in fitting myself to be a worker。 And what can you
people do by scattering a few drops of blood on the snow？ On
this Immensity。 On this unhappy Immensity！ I tell you；〃 he
cried； in a vibrating； subdued voice； and advancing one step
nearer the bed； 〃that what it needs is not a lot of haunting
phantoms that I could walk throughbut a man！〃
Haldin threw his arms forward as if to keep him off in horror。
〃I understand it all now；〃 he exclaimed； with awestruck dismay。
〃I understandat last。〃
Razumov staggered back against the table。 His forehead broke out
in perspiration while a cold shudder ran down his spine。
〃What have I been saying？〃 he asked himself。 〃Have I let him slip
through my fingers after all？
〃He felt his lips go stiff like buckram； and instead of a
reassuring smile only achieved an uncertain grimace。
〃What will you have？〃 he began in a conciliating voice which got
steady after the first trembling word or two。 〃What will you have？
Considera man of studious； retired habitsand suddenly like this。 。 。 。
I am not practised in talking delicately。 But。 。 。
〃He felt anger； a wicked anger； get hold of him again。
〃What were we to do together till midnight？ Sit here opposite
each other and think of youryour…shambles？〃
Haldin had a subdued； heartbroken attitude。 He bowed his head；
his hands hung between his knees。 His voice was low and pained
but calm。
〃I see now how it is； Razumovbrother。 You are a magnanimous
soul； but my action is abhorrent to youalas。 。 。〃
Razumov stared。 From fright he had set his teeth so hard that his
whole face ached。 It was impossible for him to make a sound。
〃And even my person； too； is loathsome to you perhaps；〃 Haldin
added mournfully； after a short pause； looking up for a moment；
then fixing his gaze on the floor。 〃For indeed； unless one。 。 。〃
He broke off evidently waiting for a word。 Razumov remained
silent。 Haldin nodded his head dejectedly twice。
〃Of course。 Of course；〃he murmured。 。 。 。 〃Ah！ weary work！〃
He remained perfectly still for a moment； then made Razumov's
leaden heart strike a ponderous blow by springing up briskly。
〃So be it；〃 he cried sadly in a low； distinct tone。 〃Farewell then。〃
Razumov started forward； but the sight of Haldin's raised hand
checked him before he could get away from the table。 He leaned
on it heavily； listening to the faint sounds of some town clock
tolling the hour。 Haldin； already at the door； tall and straight
as an arrow； with his pale face and a hand raised attentively；
might have posed for the statue of a daring youth listening
to an inner voice。 Razumov mechanically glanced down at his
watch。 When he looked towards the door again Haldin had
vanished。 There was a faint rustling in the outer room； the
feeble click of a bolt drawn back lightly。 He was gonealmost
as noiseless as a vision。
Razumov ran forward unsteadily； with parted； voiceless lips。 The
outer door stood open。 Staggering out on the landing； he leaned
far over the banister。 Gazing down into the deep black shaft
with a tiny glimmering flame at the bottom； he traced by ear the
rapid spiral descent of somebody running down the stairs on
tiptoe。 It was a light； swift； pattering sound； which sank away
from him into the depths： a fleeting shadow passed over the
glimmera wink of the tiny flame。 Then stillness。
Razumov hung over； breathing the cold raw air tainted by the evil
smells of the unclean staircase。 All quiet。
He went back into his room slowly； shutting the doors after him。
The peaceful steady light of his reading…lamp shone on the watch。
Razumov stood looking down at the little white dial。 It wanted yet
three minutes to midnight。 He took the watch into his hand fumblingly。
〃Slow；〃 he muttered； and a strange fit of nervelessness came over
him。 His knees shook； the watch and chain slipped through his
fingers in an instant and fell on the floor。 He was so startled
that he nearly fell himself。 When at last he regained enough
confidence in his limbs to stoop for it he held it to his ear at
once。 After a while he growled
〃Stopped；〃 and paused for quite a long time before he muttered sourly
〃It's done。 。 。 。 And now to work。〃
He sat down； reached haphazard for a book； opened it in middle and
began to read； but after going conscientiously over two lines he lost
his hold on the print completely and did not try to regain it。 He thought
〃There was to a certainty a police agent of some sort watching
the house across the street。〃
He imagined him lurking in a dark gateway； goggle…eyed； muffled
up in a cloak to the nose and with a General's plumed； cocked hat
on his head。 This absurdity made him start in the chair convulsively。
He literally had to shake his head violently to get rid of it。
The man would be disguised perhaps as a peasant 。 。 。a beggar。 。 。