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THE HISTORY OF TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
Our project's life this shape of sense assumes… Ajax employ'd plucks down
Achilles' plumes。 NESTOR。 Now； Ulysses； I begin to relish thy advice；
And I will give a taste thereof forthwith To Agamemnon。 Go we to him
straight。 Two curs shall tame each other： pride alone Must tarre the
mastiffs on； as 'twere their bone。 Exeunt
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THE HISTORY OF TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
ACT II。
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SCENE 1。 The Grecian camp
Enter Ajax and THERSITES
AJAX。 Thersites！ THERSITES。 Agamemnon…how if he had boils full；
an over； generally？ AJAX。 Thersites！ THERSITES。 And those boils did
run…say so。 Did not the general run then？ Were not that a botchy core？
AJAX。 Dog！ THERSITES。 Then there would come some matter from him；
I see none now。 AJAX。 Thou bitch…wolf's son； canst thou not hear？ Feel；
then。 ＇Strikes him。＇ THERSITES。 The plague of Greece upon thee； thou
mongrel beef…witted lord！ AJAX。 Speak； then； thou whinid'st leaven；
speak。 I will beat thee into handsomeness。 THERSITES。 I shall sooner rail
thee into wit and holiness； but I think thy horse will sooner con an oration
than thou learn a prayer without book。 Thou canst strike； canst thou？ A red
murrain o' thy jade's tricks！ AJAX。 Toadstool； learn me the proclamation。
THERSITES。 Dost thou think I have no sense； thou strikest me thus？
AJAX。 The proclamation！ THERSITES。 Thou art proclaim'd； a fool； I
think。 AJAX。 Do not； porpentine； do not； my fingers itch。 THERSITES。 I
would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had the scratching of thee； I
would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece。 When thou art forth in
the incursions； thou strikest as slow as another。 AJAX。 I say； the
proclamation。 THERSITES。 Thou grumblest and railest every hour on
Achilles； and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at
Proserpina's beauty…ay； that thou bark'st at him。 AJAX。 Mistress Thersites！
THERSITES。 Thou shouldst strike him。 AJAX。 Cobloaf！ THERSITES。 He
would pun thee into shivers with his fist； as a sailor breaks a biscuit。 AJAX。
You whoreson cur！ ＇Strikes him＇ THERSITES。 Do； do。 AJAX。 Thou stool
for a witch！ THERSITES。 Ay； do； do； thou sodden…witted lord！ Thou hast
no more brain than I have in mine elbows； an assinico may tutor thee。 You
scurvy valiant ass！ Thou art here but to thrash Troyans； and thou art
bought and sold among those of any wit like a barbarian slave。 If thou use
to beat me； I will begin at thy heel and tell what thou art by inches； thou
thing of no bowels； thou！ AJAX。 You dog！ THERSITES。 You scurvy lord！
AJAX。 You cur！ ＇Strikes him＇ THERSITES。 Mars his idiot！ Do； rudeness；
do； camel； do； do。
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Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS
ACHILLES。 Why； how now； Ajax！ Wherefore do you thus？ How
now； Thersites！ What's the matter； man？ THERSITES。 You see him there；
do you？ ACHILLES。 Ay； what's the matter？ THERSITES。 Nay； look upon
him。 ACHILLES。 So I do。 What's the matter？ THERSITES。 Nay； but
regard him well。 ACHILLES。 Well！ why； so I do。 THERSITES。 But yet
you look not well upon him； for who some ever you take him to be； he is
Ajax。 ACHILLES。 I know that； fool。 THERSITES。 Ay； but that fool knows
not himself。 AJAX。 Therefore I beat thee。 THERSITES。 Lo； lo； lo； lo；
what modicums of wit he utters！ His evasions have ears thus long。 I have
bobb'd his brain more than he has beat my bones。 I will buy nine sparrows
for a penny； and his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow。 This
lord； Achilles； Ajax…who wears his wit in his belly and his guts in his head…
I'll tell you what I say of him。 ACHILLES。 What？ THERSITES。 I say this
Ajax… ＇AJAX offers to strike him＇ ACHILLES。 Nay； good Ajax。
THERSITES。 Has not so much wit… ACHILLES。 Nay； I must hold you。
THERSITES。 As will stop the eye of Helen's needle； for whom he comes
to fight。 ACHILLES。 Peace； fool。 THERSITES。 I would have peace and
quietness； but the fool will not… he there； that he； look you there。 AJAX。 O
thou damned cur！ I shall… ACHILLES。 Will you set your wit to a fool's？
THERSITES。 No； I warrant you； the fool's will shame it。 PATROCLUS。
Good words； Thersites。 ACHILLES。 What's the quarrel？ AJAX。 I bade the
vile owl go learn me the tenour of the proclamation； and he rails upon me。
THERSITES。 I serve thee not。 AJAX。 Well； go to； go to。 THERSITES。 I
serve here voluntary。 ACHILLES。 Your last service was suff'rance； 'twas
not voluntary。 No man is beaten voluntary。 Ajax was here the voluntary；
and you as under an impress。 THERSITES。 E'en so； a great deal of your
wit too lies in your sinews； or else there be liars。 Hector shall have a great
catch an he knock out either of your brains： 'a were as good crack a fusty
nut with no kernel。 ACHILLES。 What； with me too； Thersites？
THERSITES。 There's Ulysses and old Nestor…whose wit was mouldy ere
your grandsires had nails on their toes…yoke you like draught oxen； and
make you plough up the wars。 ACHILLES。 What； what？ THERSITES。
Yes； good sooth。 To Achilles； to Ajax； to… AJAX。 I shall cut out your
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tongue。 THERSITES。 'Tis no matter； I shall speak as much as thou
afterwards。 PATROCLUS。 No more words； Thersites； peace！ THERSITES。
I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me； shall I？ ACHILLES。
There's for you； Patroclus。 THERSITES。 I will see you hang'd like
clotpoles ere I come any more to your tents。 I will keep where there is wit
stirring； and leave the faction of fools。 Exit PATROCLUS。 A good
riddance。 ACHILLES。 Marry； this； sir； is proclaim'd through all our host；
That Hector； by the fifth hour of the sun； Will with a trumpet 'twixt our
tents and Troy； To…morrow morning； call some knight to arms That hath a
stomach； and such a one that dare Maintain I know not what； 'tis trash。
Farewell。 AJAX。 Farewell。 Who shall answer him？ ACHILLES。 I know
not； 'tis put to lott'ry。 Otherwise。 He knew his man。 AJAX。 O； meaning
you！ I will go learn more of it。 Exeunt
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THE HISTORY OF TROILUS AND CRESSIDA
SCENE 2。 Troy。 PRIAM'S palace
Enter PRIAM； HECTOR； TROILUS； PARIS； and HELENUS
PRIAM。 After so many hours； lives； speeches； spent； Thus once again
says Nestor from the Greeks： 'Deliver Helen； and all damage else… As
honour； loss of time； travail； expense； Wounds； friends； and what else dear
that is consum'd In hot digestion of this cormorant war… Shall be struck
off。' Hector； what say you to't？ HECTOR。 Though no man lesser fears the
Greeks than I； As far as toucheth my particular； Yet； dread Priam； There is
no lady of more softer bowels； More spongy to suck in the sense of fear；
More ready to cry out 'Who knows what follows？' Than Hector is。 The
wound of peace is surety； Surety secure； but modest doubt is call'd The
beacon of the wise； the tent that searches To th' bottom of the worst。 Let
Helen go。 Since the first sword was drawn about this question； Eve