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and then I shall have no strength to repent。 An I have not forgotten what
the inside of a church is made of； I am a peppercorn； a brewer's horse。 The
inside of a church！ Company； villanous company； hath been the spoil of
me。 Bard。 Sir John； you are so fretful you cannot live long。 Fal。 Why； there
is it！ Come； sing me a bawdy song； make me merry。 I was as virtuously
given as a gentleman need to be； virtuous enough： swore little； dic'd not
above seven times a week； went to a bawdy house not above once in a
quarter… of an hour； paid money that I borrowed… three or four times； lived
well； and in good compass； and now I live out of all order； out of all
compass。 Bard。 Why； you are so fat； Sir John； that you must needs be out
of all compass… out of all reasonable compass； Sir John。 Fal。 Do thou
amend thy face； and I'll amend my life。 Thou art our admiral； thou bearest
the lantern in the poop… but 'tis in the nose of thee。 Thou art the Knight of
the Burning Lamp。 Bard。 Why； Sir John； my face does you no harm。 Fal。
No； I'll be sworn。 I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a
death's…head or a memento mori。 I never see thy face but I think upon
hellfire and Dives that lived in purple； for there he is in his robes； burning；
burning。 if thou wert any way given to virtue； I would swear by thy face；
my oath should be 'By this fire； that's God's angel。' But thou art altogether
given over； and wert indeed； but for the light in thy face； the son of utter
darkness。 When thou ran'st up Gadshill in the night to catch my horse； if I
did not think thou hadst been an ignis fatuus or a ball of wildfire； there's
no purchase in money。 O； thou art a perpetual triumph； an everlasting
bonfire…light！ Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches；
walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern； but the sack that
thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good cheap at the
dearest chandler's in Europe。 I have maintained that salamander of yours
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with fire any time this two…and…thirty years。 God reward me for it！ Bard。
'Sblood； I would my face were in your belly！ Fal。 God…a…mercy！ so should
I be sure to be heart…burn'd。
Enter Hostess。
How now； Dame Partlet the hen？ Have you enquir'd yet who pick'd
my pocket？ Host。 Why； Sir John； what do you think； Sir John？ Do you
think I keep thieves in my house？ I have search'd； I have enquired； so has
my husband； man by man； boy by boy； servant by servant。 The tithe of a
hair was never lost in my house before。 Fal。 Ye lie； hostess。 Bardolph was
shav'd and lost many a hair； and I'll be sworn my pocket was pick'd。 Go to；
you are a woman； go！ Host。 Who； I？ No； I defy thee！ God's light； I was
never call'd so in mine own house before！ Fal。 Go to； I know you well
enough。 Host。 No； Sir John； you do not know me； Sir John。 I know you；
Sir John。 You owe me money； Sir John； and now you pick a quarrel to
beguile me of it。 I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back。 Fal。 Dowlas；
filthy dowlas！ I have given them away to bakers' wives； they have made
bolters of them。 Host。 Now； as I am a true woman； holland of eight
shillings an ell。 You owe money here besides； Sir John； for your diet and
by…drinkings； and money lent you； four…and…twenty pound。 Fal。 He had his
part of it； let him pay。 Host。 He？ Alas； he is poor； he hath nothing。 Fal。
How？ Poor？ Look upon his face。 What call you rich？ Let them coin his
nose； let them coin his cheeks。 I'll not pay a denier。 What； will you make a
younker of me？ Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my
pocket pick'd？ I have lost a seal…ring of my grandfather's worth forty mark。
Host。 O Jesu； I have heard the Prince tell him； I know not how oft； that
that ring was copper！ Fal。 How？ the Prince is a Jack； a sneak…cup。 'Sblood；
an he were here； I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so。
Enter the Prince ＇and Poins＇； marching； and Falstaff meets them；
playing upon his truncheon like a fife。
How now； lad？ Is the wind in that door； i' faith？ Must we all march？
Bard。 Yea； two and two； Newgate fashion。 Host。 My lord； I pray you hear
me。 Prince。 What say'st thou； Mistress Quickly？ How doth thy husband？ I
love him well； he is an honest man。 Host。 Good my lord； hear me。 Fal。
Prithee let her alone and list to me。 Prince。 What say'st thou； Jack？ Fal。
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The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras and had my pocket
pick'd。 This house is turn'd bawdy house； they pick pockets。 Prince。 What
didst thou lose； Jack？ Fal。 Wilt thou believe me； Hal？ Three or four bonds
of forty pound apiece and a seal…ring of my grandfather's。 Prince。 A trifle；
some eightpenny matter。 Host。 So I told him； my lord； and I said I heard
your Grace say so； and； my lord； he speaks most vilely of you； like a foul…
mouth'd man as he is； and said he would cudgel you。 Prince。 What！ he did
not？ Host。 There's neither faith； truth； nor womanhood in me else。 Fal。
There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune； nor no more truth in
thee than in a drawn fox； and for woman…hood； Maid Marian may be the
deputy's wife of the ward to thee。 Go； you thing； go！ Host。 Say； what thing？
what thing？ Fal。 What thing？ Why； a thing to thank God on。 Host。 I am no
thing to thank God on； I would thou shouldst know it！ I am an honest
man's wife； and； setting thy knight…hood aside； thou art a knave to call me
so。 Fal。 Setting thy womanhood aside； thou art a beast to say otherwise。
Host。 Say； what beast； thou knave； thou？ Fal。 What beast？ Why； an otter。
Prince。 An otter； Sir John？ Why an otter？ Fal。 Why； she's neither fish nor
flesh； a man knows not where to have her。 Host。 Thou art an unjust man in
saying so。 Thou or any man knows where to have me； thou knave； thou！
Prince。 Thou say'st true； hostess； and he slanders thee most grossly。 Host。
So he doth you； my lord； and said this other day you ought him a thousand
pound。 Prince。 Sirrah； do I owe you a thousand pound？ Fal。 A thousand
pound； Hal？ A million！ Thy love is worth a million； thou owest me thy
love。 Host。 Nay； my lord； he call'd you Jack and said he would cudgel you。
Fal。 Did I； Bardolph？ Bard。 Indeed； Sir John； you said so。 Fal。 Yea。 if he
said my ring was copper。 Prince。 I say； 'tis copper。 Darest thou be as good
as thy word now？ Fal。 Why； Hal； thou knowest； as thou art but man； I dare；
but as thou art Prince； I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the lion's whelp。
Prince。 And why not as the lion？ Fal。 The King himself is to be feared as
the lion。 Dost thou think I'll fear thee as I fear thy father？ Nay； an I do； I
pray God my girdle break。 Prince。 O； if it should； how would thy guts fall
about thy knees！ But； sirrah； there's no room for faith； truth； nor honesty in
this bosom of thine。 It is all fill'd up with guts and midriff。 Charge an
honest woman with picking thy pocket？ Why； thou whoreson； impudent；
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emboss'd rascal； if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings；
memorandums of bawdy houses； and one poor pennyworth of sugar candy
to make thee long…winded… if thy pocket were enrich'd with any other
injuries but these； I am a villain。 And yet you will stand to it； you will not
pocket up wrong。 Art thou not ashamed？ Fal。 Dost thou hear； Hal？ Thou
knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell； and what should poor Jack
Falstaff do in the days of villany？ Thou seest I have more flesh than
another man； and therefore more frailty。 You confess then； you pick'd my
pocket？ Prince。 It appears so by the story。 Fal。 Hostess； I forgive thee。 Go
make ready breakfast。 Love thy husband； look to thy servants； cherish thy
guests。 Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason。 Thou seest I am
pacified。 …Still？… Nay； prithee be gone。 ＇Exit Hostess。＇ Now； Hal； to the
news at court。 For the robbery； lad… how is that answered？ Prince。 O my
sweet beef； I must still be good angel to thee。 The money is paid back
again。 Fal。 O； I do not li