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ye cuckoo！ but afoot he will not budge a foot。 Prince。 Yes； Jack； upon
instinct。 Fal。 I grant ye； upon instinct。 Well； he is there too； and one
Mordake； and a thousand bluecaps more。 Worcester is stol'n away to…night；
thy father's beard is turn'd white with the news； you may buy land now as
cheap as stinking mack'rel。 Prince。 Why then； it is like； if there come a hot
June； and this civil buffeting hold； we shall buy maidenheads as they buy
hobnails； by the hundreds。 Fal。 By the mass； lad； thou sayest true； it is like
we shall have good trading that way。 But tell me； Hal； art not thou horrible
afeard？ Thou being heir apparent； could the world pick thee out three such
enemies again as that fiend Douglas； that spirit Percy； and that devil
Glendower？ Art thou not horribly afraid？ Doth not thy blood thrill at it？
Prince。 Not a whit； i' faith。 I lack some of thy instinct。 Fal。 Well； thou wilt
be horribly chid to…morrow when thou comest to thy father。 If thou love
file； practise an answer。 Prince。 Do thou stand for my father and examine
me upon the particulars of my life。 Fal。 Shall I？ Content。 This chair shall
be my state； this dagger my sceptre； and this cushion my； crown。 Prince。
Thy state is taken for a join'd…stool； thy golden sceptre for a leaden dagger；
and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown。 Fal。 Well； an the fire
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of grace be not quite out of thee； now shalt thou be moved。 Give me a cup
of sack to make my eyes look red； that it may be thought I have wept； for I
must speak in passion； and I will do it in King Cambyses' vein。 Prince。
Well； here is my leg。 Fal。 And here is my speech。 Stand aside； nobility。
Host。 O Jesu； this is excellent sport； i' faith！ Fal。 Weep not； sweet queen；
for trickling tears are vain。 Host。 O； the Father； how he holds his
countenance！ Fal。 For God's sake； lords； convey my tristful queen！ For
tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes。 Host。 O Jesu； he doth it as like one
of these harlotry players as ever I see！ Fal。 Peace； good pintpot。 Peace；
good tickle…brain。… Harry； I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy
time； but also how thou art accompanied。 For though the camomile； the
more it is trodden on； the faster it grows； yet youth； the more it is wasted；
the sooner it wears。 That thou art my son I have partly thy mother's word；
partly my own opinion； but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a
foolish hanging of thy nether lip that doth warrant me。 If then thou be son
to me； here lies the point： why； being son to me； art thou so pointed at？
Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries？ A
question not to be ask'd。 Shall the son of England prove a thief and take
purses？ A question to be ask'd。 There is a thing； Harry； which thou hast
often heard of； and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch。
This pitch； as ancient writers do report； doth defile； so doth the company
thou keepest。 For； Harry； now I do not speak to thee in drink； but in tears；
not in pleasure； but in passion； not in words only； but in woes also： and yet
there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company； but I
know not his name。 Prince。 What manner of man； an it like your Majesty？
Fal。 A goodly portly man； i' faith； and a corpulent； of a cheerful look； a
pleasing eye； and a most noble carriage； and； as I think； his age some fifty；
or； by'r Lady； inclining to threescore； and now I remember me； his name is
Falstaff。 If that man should be lewdly； given； he deceiveth me； for； Harry； I
see virtue in his looks。 If then the tree may be known by the fruit； as the
fruit by the tree； then； peremptorily I speak it； there is virtue in that
Falstaff。 Him keep with； the rest banish。 And tell me now； thou naughty
varlet； tell me where hast thou been this month？ Prince。 Dost thou speak
like a king？ Do thou stand for me； and I'll play my father。 Fal。 Depose me？
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If thou dost it half so gravely； so majestically； both in word and matter；
hang me up by the heels for a rabbit…sucker or a poulter's hare。 Prince。
Well； here I am set。 Fal。 And here I stand。 Judge； my masters。 Prince。 Now；
Harry； whence come you？ Fal。 My noble lord； from Eastcheap。 Prince。
The complaints I hear of thee are grievous。 Fal。 'Sblood； my lord； they are
false！ Nay； I'll tickle ye for a young prince； i' faith。 Prince。 Swearest thou；
ungracious boy？ Henceforth ne'er look on me。 Thou art violently carried
away from grace。 There is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat
man； a tun of man is thy companion。 Why dost thou converse with that
trunk of humours； that bolting hutch of beastliness； that swoll'n parcel of
dropsies； that huge bombard of sack； that stuff'd cloakbag of guts； that
roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly； that reverend vice；
that grey iniquity； that father ruffian； that vanity in years？ Wherein is he
good； but to taste sack and drink it？ wherein neat and cleanly； but to carve
a capon and eat it？ wherein cunning； but in craft？ wherein crafty； but in
villany？ wherein villanous； but in all things？ wherein worthy； but in
nothing？ Fal。 I would your Grace would take me with you。 Whom means
your Grace？ Prince。 That villanous abominable misleader of youth；
Falstaff； that old white…bearded Satan。 Fal。 My lord； the man I know。
Prince。 I know thou dost。 Fal。 But to say I know more harm in him than in
myself were to say more than I know。 That he is old （the more the pity） his
white hairs do witness it； but that he is （saving your reverence） a
whoremaster； that I utterly deny。 If sack and sugar be a fault； God help the
wicked！ If to be old and merry be a sin； then many an old host that I know
is damn'd。 If to be fat be to be hated； then Pharaoh's lean kine are to be
loved。 No； my good lord。 Banish Peto； banish Bardolph； banish Poins； but
for sweet Jack Falstaff； kind Jack Falstaff； true Jack Falstaff； valiant Jack
Falstaff； and therefore more valiant being； as he is； old Jack Falstaff；
banish not him thy Harry's company； banish not him thy Harry's company。
Banish plump Jack； and banish all the world！ Prince。 I do； I will。 ＇A
knocking heard。＇ ＇Exeunt Hostess； Francis； and Bardolph。＇
Enter Bardolph； running。
Bard。 O； my lord； my lord！ the sheriff with a most monstrous watch is
at the door。 Fal。 Out； ye rogue！ Play out the play。 I have much to say in the
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behalf of that Falstaff。
Enter the Hostess。
Host。 O Jesu； my lord； my lord！ Prince。 Heigh； heigh； the devil rides
upon a fiddlestick！ What's the matter？ Host。 The sheriff and all the watch
are at the door。 They are come to search the house。 Shall I let them in？ Fal。
Dost thou hear； Hal？ Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit。 Thou art
essentially mad without seeming so。 Prince。 And thou a natural coward
without instinct。 Fal。 I deny your major。 If you will deny the sheriff； so； if
not； let him enter。 If I become not a cart as well as another man； a plague
on my bringing up！ I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as
another。 Prince。 Go hide thee behind the arras。 The rest walk； up above。
Now； my masters； for a true face and good conscience。 Fal。 Both which I
have had； but their date is out； and therefore I'll hide me。 Exit。 Prince。 Call
in the sheriff。 ＇Exeunt Manent the Prince and Peto。＇
Enter Sheriff and the Carrier。
Now； Master Sheriff； what is your will with me？ Sher。 First； pardon
me； my lord。 A hue and cry Hath followed certain men unto this house。
Prince。 What men？ Sher。 One of them is well known； my gracious lord… A
gross fat man。 Carrier。 As fat as butter。 Prince。 The man； I do assure you； is
not here； For I myself at this time have employ'd him。 And； sheriff； I will
engage my word to thee That I will by to…morrow dinner time Send him to
answer thee； or any man； For anything he shall be charg'd withal； And