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depended on her。 His comforts were so cared for； that he was often
sorry she should have troubled herself about them； and though he could
have little of her company； he never was allowed to feel himself
deserted。 Anne； Arnaud； the old Italian nurse； or Amy herself； were
easily summoned； and gave him full care and attention。
He was； however； necessarily a good deal alone； and though his cousin's
books were at his disposal； eyes and head were too weak for reading；
and he was left a prey to his own thoughts。 His great comfort was；
that Guy was less ill than he had been himself； and that there was no
present danger； otherwise； he could never have endured the conviction
that all had been caused by his own imprudence。 Imprudence！ Philip
was brought very low to own that such a word applied to him； yet it
would have been well for him had that been the chief burthen on his
mind。 Was it only an ordinary service of friendship and kindred that
Guy had； at the peril of his own life； rendered him？ Was it not a
positive return of good for evil？ Yes； evil！ He now called that evil；
or at least harshness and hastiness in judgment； which he had hitherto
deemed true friendship and consideration for Guy and Amy。 Every
feeling of distrust and jealousy had been gradually softening since his
recovery began； gratitude had done much； and dismay at Guy's illness
did more。 It would have been noble and generous in Guy to act as he
had done； had Philip's surmises been correct； and this he began to
doubt； though it was his only justification； and even to wish to lose
it。 He had rather believe Guy blameless。 He would do so； if possible；
and he resolved； on the first opportunity； to beg him to give him one
last assurance that all was right； and implicitly believe him。 But how
was it possible again to assume to be a ruler and judge over Guy after
it was known how egregiously he himself had erred？ There was shame；
sorrow； self…humiliation； and anxiety wherever he turned； and it was no
wonder that depression of spirits retarded his recovery。
It was not till the tenth day after Guy's illness had begun that Philip
was able to be dressed； and to come into the next room； where Amabel
had promised to dine with him。 As he lay on the sofa； she thought he
looked even more ill than in bed； the change from his former appearance
being rendered more visible； and his great height making him look the
more thin。 He was apparently exhausted with the exertion of dressing；
for he was very silent all dinner…time； though Amabel could have better
talked to…day than for some time past； since Guy had had some
refreshing sleep； was decidedly less feverish； seemed better for
nourishing food； and said that he wanted nothing but a puff of
Redclyffe wind to make him well。 He was pleased to hear of Philip's
step in recovery； and altogether； Amy was cheered and happy。
She left her cousin as soon as dinner was over； and did not come to him
again for nearly an hour and a half。 She was then surprised to find
him finishing a letter； resting his head on one hand； and looking wan；
weary； and very unhappy。
'Have you come to letter writing？'
'Yes；' he answered； in a worn； dejected tone； 'I must ask you to direct
this； I can't make it legible；'
No wonder； so much did his hand tremble； as he held out the envelope。
'To your sister？' she asked。
'No； to yours。 I never wrote to her before。 There's one enclosed to
your father； to tell all。'
'I am glad you have done it；' answered Amy； in a quiet tone of sincere
congratulation。 'You will be better now it is off your mind。 But how
tired you are。 You must go back to bed。 Shall I call Arnaud？'
'I must rest first'and his voice failing； he laid back on the sofa；
closed his eyes； turned ashy pale； and became so faint that she could
not leave him； and was obliged to apply every restorative within reach
before she could bring him back to a state of tolerable comfort。
The next minute her work was nearly undone； when Anne came in to ask
for the letters for the post。 'Shall I send yours？' asked Amy。
He muttered an assent。 But when she looked back to him after speaking
to Anne； she saw a tremulous； almost convulsed working of the closed
eyes and mouth； while the thin hands were clenched together with a
force contrasting with the helpless manner in which they had hung a
moment before。 She guessed at the intensity of anguish it mast cost a
temper so proud； a heart of so strong a mould； and feelings so deep； to
take the first irrevocable step in self…humiliation； giving up into the
hands of others the engagement that had hitherto been the cherished
treasure of his life； and above all； in exposing Laura to bear the
brunt of the penalty of the fault into which he had led her。 'Oh； for
Guy to comfort him；' thought she； feeling herself entirely incompetent；
dreading to intrude on his feelings； yet thinking it unkind to go away
without one sympathizing word when he was in such distress。
'You will be glad； in time；' at last she said。 He made no answer。
She held the stimulants to him again； and tried to arrange him more
comfortably。
'Thank you；' at last he said。 'How is Guy？'
'He has just had another nice quiet sleep； and is quite refreshed。'
'That is a blessing； at least。 But does not he want you？ I have been
keeping you a long time？'
'Thank you； as he is awake； I should like to go back。 You are better
now。'
'Yes； while I don't move。'
'Don't try。 I'll send Arnaud； and as soon as you can； you had better
go to bed again。'
Guy was still awake； and able to hear what she had to tell him about
Philip。
'Poor fellow！' said he。 'We must try to soften it。'
'Shall I write？' said Amy。 'Mamma will be pleased to hear of his
having told you； and they must be sorry for him； when they hear how
much the letter cost him。'
'Ah！ they will not guess at half his sorrow。'
'I will write to papa； and send it after the other letters； so that he
may read it before he hears of Philip's。'
'Poor Laura！' said Guy。 'Could not you write a note to her too？ I
want her to be told that I am very sorry； if I ever gave her pain by
speaking thoughtlessly of him。'
'Nay；' said Amy； smiling； 'you have not much to reproach yourself with
in that way。 It was I that always abused him。'
'You can never do so again '
'No； I don't think I can； now I have seen his sorrow。'
Amabel was quite in spirits； as she brought her writing to his bed…
side； and read her sentences to him as she composed the letter to her
father； while he suggested and approved。 It was a treat indeed to have
him able to consult with her once more； and he looked so much relieved
and so much better； that she felt as if it was the beginning of real
improvement； though still his pulse was fast； and the fever； though
lessened； was not gone。
The letter was almost as much his as her own； and he ended his
dictation thus： 'Say that I am sure that if I get better we may make
arrangements for their marriage。'
Then； as Amy was finishing the letter with her hopes of his amendment；
he added； speaking to her； and not dictating 'If not；'she shrank
and shivered； but did not exclaim； for he looked so calm and happy that
she did not like to interrupt him 'If not； you know； it will be very
easy to put the money matters to rights； whatever may happen。'
CHAPTER 34
Sir；
It is your fault I have loved Posthumus；
You bred him as my playfellow； and he is
A man worth any woman； over…buys me
Almost the sum he pays。CYMBELINE
The first tidings of Philip's illness arrived at Hollywell one morning
at breakfast； and were thus announced by Charles
'There！ So he has been and gone and done it。'
'What？ Who？ Not Guy？'
'Here has the Captain gone and caught a regular bad fever； in some
malaria hole； delirious； and all that sort of thing； and of course our
wise brother and sister must needs go and nurse him； by way of a pretty
little interlude in their wedding tour！'
Laura's voice alone was unheard in the chorus of inquiry。 She sat
cold； stiff； and silent； devouring with her ears each reply； that fell
like a death…blow； while she was mechanically continuing the
occupations of breakfast。 When all was told； she hurried to her own
room； but the want of sympathy was becoming intolerable。 If Amabel had
been at home； she must have told her all。 There was no one else； and
the misery to be endured in silence was dreadful。 Her dearesther
whole joy and hopesuffering； dying； and to hear all round her
speaking of him with kindness； indeed； but what to her seemed
indifference； blaming him for wilfulness； saying he had drawn it on
himself；it seemed to drive her wild。 She conjured up pic