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our own country。 We had been very anxious about you； though we did not
hear of your illness till the worst was over。 I am very glad you are
at St。 Mildred's； for I am sure Margaret must be very careful of you；
and Stylehurst air must be good for you。 Every one here is well；
Charles growing almost active； and looking better than I ever saw him。
I wish I could tell you how nice and quiet a winter it has been； it has
been a great blessing to me in every way； so many things have come to
me to enjoy。 Mr。 Ross has come to me every Sunday； and often in the
week； and has been so very kind。 I think talking to him will be a
great pleasure to you when you are here again。 You will like to hear
that Mr。 Shene has sent me the picture； and the pleasure it gives me
increases every day。 Indeed； I am so well off in every way； that you
must not grieve yourself about me； though I thank you very much for
what you say。 Laura reads to me all the evening from dinner to tea。 I
am much better than I was in the winter； and am enjoying the soft
spring air from the open window； making it seem as if it was much later
in the year。
'Good…bye； my dear cousin； may God bless and comfort you。 Remember；
that after all； it was God's will； not your doing； and therefore； as he
said himself； all is as it should be； and so it will surely be。
'Your affectionate cousin；
'AMABEL F。 MORVILLE。'
Childishly simple as this letter might be called； with its set of facts
without comment； and the very commonplace words of consolation； it
spoke volumes to Philip of the spirit in which it was written
resignation； pardon； soothing； and a desire that her farewell； perhaps
her last； should carry with it a token of her perfect forgiveness。
Everything from Amabel did him good； and he was so perceptibly better；
that his sister exclaimed； when she was next alone with Dr。 Henley； 'I
understand it all； poor fellow； I thought long ago； he had some secret
attachment； and now I see it was to Amabel Edmonstone。'
'To Lady Morville？'
'Yes。 You know how constantly he was at Hollywell； my aunt so fond of
him？ I don't suppose Amy knew of it； and； of course； she could not be
blamed for accepting such an offer as Sir Guy's； besides； she never had
much opinion of her own。'
'How？ No bad speculation for him。 She must have a handsome jointure；
but what are your grounds？'
'Everything。 Don't you remember he would not go to the marriage？ He
mentions her almost like a saint； can't hear her name from any one
elsekeeps her letter to open alone； is more revived by it than
anything else。 Ah！ depend upon it； it was to avoid her； poor fellow；
that he refused to go to Venice with them。'
'Their going to nurse him is not as if Sir Guy suspected it。'
'I don't suppose he did； nor Amy either。 No one ever had so much power
over himself。'
Philip would not have thanked his sister for her surmise； but it was so
far in his favour that it made her avoid the subject； and he was thus
spared from hearing much of Amabel or of Redclyffe。 It was bad enough
without this。 Sometimes in nursery tales； a naughty child； under the
care of a fairy； is chained to an exaggeration of himself and his own
faults； and rendered a slave to this hateful self。 The infliction he
underwent in his sister's house was somewhat analogous； for Mrs。
Henley's whole character； and especially her complacent speeches； were
a strong resemblance of his own in the days he most regretted。 He had
ever since her marriage regarded her as a man looks at a fallen idol；
but never had her alteration been so clear to him； as he had not spent
much time with her； making her short visits； and passing the chief of
each day at Stylehurst。 Now； he was almost entirely at her mercy； and
her unvarying kindness to him caused her deterioration to pain him all
the more； while each self…assertion； or harsh judgment； sounded on his
ear like a repetition of his worst and most hateful presumption。 She
little guessed what she made him endure； for he had resumed his wonted
stoicism of demeanour； though the hardened crust that had once grown
over his feelings had been roughly torn away； leaving an extreme
soreness and tenderness to which an acute pang was given whenever he
was reminded； not only of his injuries to Guy； but of the pride and
secret envy that had been their root。
At the same time he disappointed her by his continued reserve and
depression。 The confidence she had forfeited was never to be restored；
and she was the last person to know how incapable she was of receiving
it； or how low she had sunk in her self…exaltation。
He was soon able to resume the hours of the family； but was still far
from well； suffering from languor； pain in the head； want of sleep and
appetite； and an evening feverishness。 He was unequal to deep reading；
and was in no frame for light books； he could not walk far； and his
sister's literary coteries； which he had always despised； were at
present beyond his powers of endurance。 She hoped that society would
divert his thoughts and raise his spirits； and arranged her parties
with a view to him； but he never could stay long in the room； and Dr。
Henley； who； though proud of his wife and her talents； had little
pleasure in her learned circle； used to aid and abet his escape。
Thus Philip got through the hours as best he might； idly turning the
pages of new club…books； wandering on the hills till he tired himself；
sitting down to rest in the damp air； coming home chilled and fatigued；
and lying on the sofa with his eyes shut； to avoid conversation； all
the evening。 Neither strength； energy； nor intellect would； serve him
for more； and this； with the load and the stings of a profound
repentance； formed his history through the next fortnight。
He used often to stand gazing at the slowly…rising walls of Miss
Wellwood's buildings； and the only time he exerted himself in his old
way to put down any folly in conversation； was when he silenced some of
the nonsense talked about her； and evinced his own entire approval of
her proceedings。
CHAPTER 39
Beneath a tapering ash…tree's shade
Three graves are by each other laid。
Around the very place doth brood
A strange and holy quietude。BAPTISTERY
Late on the afternoon of the 6th of March； Mary Ross entered by the
half…opened front door at Hollywell； just as Charles appeared slowly
descending the stairs。
'Well！ how is she？' asked Mary eagerly。
'Poor little dear！' he answered； with a sigh； 'she looks very nice and
comfortable。'
'What； you have seen her？'
'I am at this moment leaving her room。'
'She is going on well； I hope？'
'Perfectly well。 There is one comfort at least；' said Charles； drawing
himself down the last step。
'Dear Amy！ And the babedid you see it？'
'Yes； the little creature was lying by her； and she put her hand on it；
and gave one of those smiles that are so terribly like his； but I could
not have spoken about it for the world。 Such fools we be！' concluded
Charles； with an attempt at a smile。
'It is healthy？'
'All a babe ought to be； they say； all that could be expected of it；
except the not being of the right sort； and if Amy does not mind that；
I don't know who should；' and Charles deposited himself on the sofa；
heaving a deep sigh； intended to pass for the conclusion of the
exertion。
'Then you think she is not disappointed？'
'Certainly not。 The first thing she said when she was told it was a
girl； was； 〃I am so glad！〃 and she does seem very happy with it； poor
little thing！ In fact； mamma thinks she had so little expected that it
would go well with herself； or with it； that now it is all like a
surprise。'
There was a silence； first broken by Charles saying； 'You must be
content with meI can't send for anyone。 Bustle has taken papa and
Charlotte for a walk； and Laura is on guard over Amy； for we have made
mamma go and lie down。 It was high time； after sitting up two nights；
and meaning to sit up a third。'
'Has she reallycan she bear it？'
'Yes； I am afraid I have trained her in sitting up； and Amy and all of
us know that anxiety hurts her more than fatigue。 She would only lie
awake worrying herself； instead of sitting peaceably by the fire；
holding the baby； or watching Amy； and having a quiet cry when she is
asleep。 For； after all； it is very sad！' Charles was trying to brave
his feelings； but did not succeed very well。 'Yesterday morning I was
properly frightened。 I came into the dressing…room； and found mamma
crying so； that I fully believed it was all wrong； but she was just
coming to tell us； and was only overcome by thinking of not having him
to call first； and how happy he would have be